[Lauliza]

Has anyone ever gone o their T or psychiatrist to ask advice on behalf of a friend?

A dear friend of mine is married to a man who is bipolar and who, forthe last 8 years has been managing his illness pretty well. When she first found out it was through his family- he never told her he was bipolar before they married. When she became pregnant with their first child his behavior gradually changed, he stopped sleeping and was verbally abusive. Nothing like his usual self. He took risks, got into debt....it was strange. She finally called his mother since she was on the verge of leaving. Long story short his mom asked if he was taking his meds and my friend was like "what meds???". She confronted him, he got treatment and he doctor kept my friend in the loop (with H's permission). When things started to go downhill and her husband got nasty she could contact the doctor and her husband was ok with it and he would comply with treatment. Now he has a new pdoc and is still on meds, but he only sees the
doctor once or twice a year. He has started drinking a lot of beer, has stopped sleeping much and is getting increasingly nasty with her. She is afraid to confront her husband...shes very sweet and hates confrontation. Without the help of this other doctor she feels alone. I find it odd that the only treatment he gets is a pdoc visit twice a year. How can this doctor treat a patient with so little contact. He can't possibly know much about him or his symptoms. I want to help her but don't know enough since I'm not a professional. Has anyone ever one for this type of advice and how was it received by your T or pdoc?

[HazelGirl]

If her husband is unwilling to stick with treatment for his wife's sake, there's not much she can do.

[unaluna]

Sounds like she needs therapy. I mean, she needs help for her situation of being a human adult - twitching her nose isnt going to magically fix things anymore. If she wants things to change, she might have to take action on her own behalf, even if it means giving up her identity as sweet and non-confrontational. She is trying to bully you into using your time with your t - ie spending your money - to solve her problem - how sweet is that? Been there done that.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by hankster

Sounds like she needs therapy. I mean, she needs help for her situation of being a human adult - twitching her nose isnt going to magically fix things anymore. If she wants things to change, she might have to take action on her own behalf, even if it means giving up her identity as sweet and non-confrontational. She is trying to bully you into using your time with your t - ie spending your money - to solve her problem - how sweet is that? Been there done that.

No, it's not like that at all. She didn't ask me to do anything, I just want to give her some help because she is my friend and I hate to see her like this. Nothing major, just more along the lives of what kind of treatment plan should her husband be on (doesn't sound like much of one right now). She just got through a battle with cancer, works full time and has 2 small kids. She doesn't have time for therapy on top of all that. She is aware she may have to ask him to leave if it comes to that, I was just wondering if anyone had used some of their time to ask advice for someone else in a situation worse than their own. I can spare the time right now. But I didn't know how a T or a psychiatrist respond.

[Can't Stop Crying]

If she is a big part of your life (sounds like she is) I don't see anything wrong with asking your T on how you can best help her. On the same note, I think most T's would be willing to at least point you in the right direction in terms of resources...

My personal experience: My friend's MIL commited sui and my friend was struggling and it was hard for me to see her struggle. I brought it up in a session and my T gave me paperwork, suggestions, online links, etc. We did not spend the whole session on that topic. He basically gave me the tools/direction to do the research and find the information I was looking for. AND, he thought it was good for me to be looking for help in supporting her because he knew I did not have the coping skills to address on my own.

just my thoughts.....

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

If she is a big part of your life (sounds like she is) I don't see anything wrong with asking your T on how you can best help her. On the same note, I think most T's would be willing to at least point you in the right direction in terms of resources...

My personal experience: My friend's MIL commited sui and my friend was struggling and it was hard for me to see her struggle. I brought it up in a session and my T gave me paperwork, suggestions, online links, etc. We did not spend the whole session on that topic. He basically gave me the tools/direction to do the research and find the information I was looking for. AND, he thought it was good for me to be looking for help in supporting her because he knew I did not have the coping skills to address on my own.

just my thoughts.....

Thank you for this. I love my friend dearly and know how difficult and alone she feels, especially where she is not experienced in navigating through the web of psych resources that are out there. It's really quite overwhelming and just being pointed in the right direction is a major help. What really stood out to me is that her husband switched to a new pdoc who sees him twice a year. Given his history over the past 7 years - he was hospitalized for sui thoughts and was not compliant with treatment before that, both of us don't believe he is stable enough for such infrequent visits. But he is an adult and we both understand that he has the right to make his own decisions. I just thought asking my psychiatrist about this might at least give me some insight to pass on to my friend. I don't intend to solve her problems for her or get over involved, but I have no issues using some of my time or even spending the extra $15 co pay if it will be of some help to my friend and her family.

[unaluna]

Im sorry i was a butt about it.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by hankster

Im sorry i was a butt about it.

Hi Hankster- no worries. I didn't give the whole picture at first and a lot of people do try to use others to solve their problems. I got extra defensive of this friend because she doesn't ask for enough help when she should from her friends. But others take advantage, I know that.

Another friend wanted me to ask my psychiatrist to see her (as a favor) so she could get him to write her a letter saying she had ADHD and to prescribe meds so she could make it through grad school. I said a BIG no to that one