[lunatic soul]

Sorry for too many threads and too less replie to other threads, i'm just so desperate and even can't see any T etc because of illness so I sit home and cry.

My ex T said we can meet after 3 mounths or more, I was crushed and called him.
He destroys me, I'm mad at him, he makes me want to die.
Oh why, it's so f***ing cruel, okay he said he will call me next week.
Thanks my ex T I started to smoke again, I was given up smoking, I started to overdose meds again.
He destroyed my hope to be again in normal therapy with him, okay we can see once a mounth but I know it would be killing to see him once a mounth.
He said he doesn't want me to love him. Okay then go to hell! I won't love you!

Yes, yes I will see another stupid T but I hate all of them, so maybe I couldn't. They never helped me. None of Ts/pdocs.
I don't want to live anymore. Cruel world. I want to bleed but I must not.
Why did I leave him, oh why, now he revenges me for leaving him, he tortures me when I need him, I hate him but I can't live without him. Nothing helps me. I hate myself for leaving him, I left him just because I love him.

[guilloche]

Lunatic Soul... I'm so sorry you're hurting. Please take care of yourself. Do you have an appointment scheduled with another T yet? I know you said you are sick, so I hope you are able to rest and take it easy and nurture yourself (good food, good sleep, lots of rest and water and tea and juice).

I hope a new T can help you...

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by guilloche

Lunatic Soul... I'm so sorry you're hurting. Please take care of yourself. Do you have an appointment scheduled with another T yet? I know you said you are sick, so I hope you are able to rest and take it easy and nurture yourself (good food, good sleep, lots of rest and water and tea and juice).

I hope a new T can help you...

I will call her when I'll feel okay, now I can't even go outside my house, feeling too horrible psysically and also emotionally.

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

I will call her when I'll feel okay, now I can't even go outside my house, feeling too horrible psysically and also emotionally.

OK, I understand... please do take care of yourself though! If you need to curl up in bed, watch TV, and have soup... or whatever helps you get through this (and get your health back), then please do! I hope you feel better soon...

[InRealLife45]

i am sorry you are feeling so bad right now, I know how hard it is to yearn for someone when you can't have them. ::

[lunatic soul]

I destroyed everything how to get it back?
We had good relationships but I was hurted that he doesn't hug me anymore and that I can't be with him as a friend or lover so I just left him and now he doesn't want me back, I can't forgive myself that I left him, oh God how to make everything okay again
I'm going down without him, I miss him too bad

[iheartjacques]

This sounds like intense grieving. I hope you feel better soon and I hope things work out with the new T

[lunatic soul]

I want him back. I would do everything to get him back. It's the only one thing which help me to exist

[iheartjacques]

I understand the grief and desperation. It's hard to let go. You will survive it. I have survived some big losses. It hurts like hell for a long time

[lunatic soul]

I was such a fool, I had great therapy and painful feelings so I just left. And my T can't handle my feelings but was in therapy for more then two years, I don't want to start again it, I left when I needed help yet, I said- it's not therapy what happens between us and now he uses this sentense all the time- it wasn't therapy.
I hate myself for saying this.
Many people love their Ts but they work through it but I just left.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

I was such a fool, I had great therapy and painful feelings so I just left. And my T can't handle my feelings but was in therapy for more then two years, I don't want to start again it, I left when I needed help yet, I said- it's not therapy what happens between us and now he uses this sentense all the time- it wasn't therapy.
I hate myself for saying this.
Many people love their Ts but they work through it but I just left.

Sounds like your t couldn't handle your feelings- it's about his lack of skill, not your feelings for him. A good t knows how to deal with this sort of transference. It is unfortunate for us that we get so attached to these poor t's before realizing too late they are not skilled enough to treat us.