Is it wrong to tell this lie....

I've been through this so many times because I have a paradoxical reaction to any tranquilizer. This is something only realized recently by the medical profession. Taking a stimulant calms me, while taking a tranquilizer increases anxiety. The reason is that a stimulant increases my feeling of control while anything that makes me drowsy lowers my control. Years ago, therapists couldn't see how that works, and I would have to "lie" to keep from worse agony than ever.
So, I think you have to do what you know is helpful for you, as people can be quite atypical in ways medical "experts" don't understand. I think that if you are progressing in therapy and not having crazy emotions, you should stay with what you do. In a perfect world, everyone could be perfectly honest, but we're in a world where mental science is still in it's infancy and where some people are very rigid and uncaring about individuals. From what I read, Kratom is not illegal. And sounds like it really helps you deal with life while you can also work on your problems.
I don't think it's a good idea at all to deprive a patient of medication just to see "where he is at". That's what I think from my own ten years of good and bad treatment. They should listen to your ideas of how it works and not treat you like a 3 yr. old.

i don't think this is how therapy really works though. therapy tends to stir up a lot of painful emotions especially if you have had any trauma in your life. so, it might be waaaay down the road before you will be in a better place to go off the drugs. if you tried to go off your drugs while you were dealing with significant issues that might throw you into a tailspin. i believe the way you are thinking therapy works may be rather unrealistic.

Good point here. Therapy really does tend to stir things up as it heals.

I'm the same way. Benedryl gives me panic attacks.

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OK. Have to admit I was unfamiliar with kratom. Now that I've read a bit about it, it seems to me that the Tramadol may be your bigger problem. Most of what I read suggests that kratom produces little to no withdrawal issues, (and appears to prevent withdrawal effects when stopping highly addictive opiates) whereas Tramadol is significantly addictive. Is the Tramadol prescribed for you, or are you taking it on your own for the opiate effects? I would just question if it isn't the Tramadol that is fueling your addictive feelings. Here's a pretty balanced article from a generally reputable source: Should Kratom Use Be Legal? - Scientific American

The info about combining Tramadol and kratom is contradictory, so I suspect it's very dependent on the Tramadol dosage. Worth being careful about.

Hi Allme,

In whatever you decide to do I hope it works for you! My only concern is for you in regards to sticking to your word and actually start to reduce your intake of said drug. As most of us know just when we think we have a handle on this therapy gig it throws us a big ol' curve ball!

Anyway good luck on your journey!

Thank you!

I am so scared of the reality I face without Kratom and Tramadol. It is a reality I don't think I can do again.

I am a member of a drugs forum and that have a section for Kratom....high users and long term users do suffer from terrible side effects. They compare it to any withdrawal you face coming off an opiate. ...which is why I need to do this slowly.

I just know I am not capable of coming off these substances while not in therapy. I am questioning my decision to lie after reading some more replies but I really don't see any other way being good for me. I know it will be too hard without the right support and I will end up back on the substances again. Which is why I think telling this lie so I can get in to therapy is my best option.