Eek! Madame T has written!

CantExplain, I don't know if this will help, if you find music helpful but I think this is the best version of this ever:

You can respond and set the rules for her like you can for anyone, since she isn't your T anymore. If you want to see her again, you can say that. If you want no reply from her, you can say that too.

You are giving that unread letter life and meaning, that has been formed in your own mind. The meaning is in the letter itself, in the words that are from her mind.

If that offends you, that is about you. My thoughts and words are my own, something I don't apologize for if I explore my own intentions and motivations - something that only I can do, and no one can do for me.

I say this to highlight the existence of separateness, which says that one's thoughts and feelings are one's own and another person's response to them is about the other person. I would feel badly if another person felt offended by something I write, but I wouldn't feel that I owe them an apology because their reaction came from within them, and that is something for that person to explore and understand more about.

A client gets to do that with the therapist also.

It makes sense you won't open it. It seems like you are treating the letter just as you did her in therapy. You won't listen to or acknowledge any of her thoughts feelings or ideas. It's had to be your way or the highway. I'm sure she disagreed with your last assessment of her "tainted love". But now it's driving you crazy because there's a 1% chance she's given in and agreed with you, but in order to know you'll have to read what she wrote, and you don't want to have to know what she thinks because it doesn't fit your story line.

Absolutely! Good point.

It can be hard to do in that room and in the relationship, for some, if not many of us. It took me a very long time.

I don't see where CE says that he is crazy or even frustrated about not knowing what the letter says. He wants closure, and for him that is perhaps best achieved by not reading the letter (which, after all, was unsolicited) - not opening the wounds again, as blur points out. After all, not wanting to know what a letter says is an equally valid reaction to wanting to know.
I also think the characterisation of CE as not taking any of Madame Ts thoughts or ideas aboard is misleading.

A letter invites a response even if you say don't write back you are still inviting something. I'm glad you have made a choice that is good for you.

I wonder if it's a bill for continued communication after termination?

You... you... instigator!!

Eta - now if he doesnt open it, we might see CE on tv being chased by some bounty hunter like Crocodile Dundee! Kewl!

oh my lord wouldn't that just be the icing on the cake?!

CantExplain so what did you chose to do?

CE, did you read the letter?

OMG!

What if it simply says I've had enough of your BS and to EFF OFF ... ?!?!?

Not likely, I know ... But, there's always the chance you've driven her around the bend, kinda like Bill Murray did to Richard Dreyfuss in "What About Bob" ... Which is an awesome movie, by the way!

If a therapist were to respond to CE by telling him they were tired of his bs (which his concerns are not)- then he is well shed of that therapist.

CE are you still seeing Mr. T? How is it going?

Did you ever open the letter CE?

Yes CE we are really interesested I've been following your posts about Madame T.

Oh my gosh pleeeease open the letter, its driving ME crazy not knowing!

CE, I rather think you enjoy all the drama. With that in mind, I think you should buy an expensive bottle of Bordeaux and a cuban cigar... sit in a battered old leather arm chair and open the letter with an antique letter opener, read, drink & smoke.. When finished burn the letter with your cigar, muttering something like 'you burn me b****, I'll burn you'.

Disclaimer: This will not help you deal with the transference.

I'm sorry that you are still hurting from all of this.

CE hasn't posted in this thread since September 5. CE, are you okay with your decision not to read the letter? Are you feeling better about Madame T? I'm sorry if bumping this thread up bothers you. I hope not. I was just curious as to what happened since last month.

I wish CE peace, freedom, and doing what's best for CE. If that means never opening the letter, discarding it or merely not sharing the news here, that's fine. I'm happy for CE ending that destructive relationship.

Sorry CE, didn't realise this was an old thread. Hope you are well.

I agree. It seems like she's looking for closure but is also afraid of being hurt again.