[CantExplain]

It is possible for a parent to abandon a child without ever leaving the house.

And therapists can abandon their patients in the same way.



Physical presence is not enough.

Absolutely. I talk about my mother's emotional abandonment of me, and T calls it emotional absence, but to me abandonment it always will be. She abandoned me my whole life, then she died and abandoned me again.

[stopdog]

CE- i hate that the madame t gets to you so badly. I wish we could figure out how to help you do a release ceremony or smudging or something to help you let that therapist go.

[unaluna]

Re parents - youre preachin to the choir.

Re ts - the way you pose this, sounds like an emotional reenactment.

Originally Posted by stopdog

CE- i hate that the madame t gets to you so badly. I wish we could figure out how to help you do a release ceremony or smudging or something to help you let that therapist go.

I 2nd that thought.

Absolutely possible. And it hurts terribley.

[sweepy62]

Of course, your parent could be there physically, and provide you basic needs and still emotionally abandon you . The only difference , I think that with a therapist if you become aware, you can walk away.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Abandonment of a child is completely different to being left by someone as an adult.. I was abandoned at birth, and than again emotionally abandoned as a child.
A child's survival depends on its carers. Our survival doesn't depend on anyone as an adult.
If struggling as an adult than that is a clear sign of earlier abandonment. But as it's repressed, it feels like the therapist is the cause.

[tooski]

I was emotionally abandoned by both my parents in different ways, but they were both "there" for me on the surface, which made it even worse, because to outsiders everything looked fine. My mother put on an act of loving me, but it was all a lie. I still don't know to this day what she really thought of me. So, yes, I have lived this and it's possible. A child knows if they are loved or not.

I'm sorry if this was the case with you. I'm struggling with this in therapy, because it's all in the past .... over and done ... but the echoes continue to haunt me and affect my present-day r/s. It sounds like you have strong transference with Madame T and you are somehow reliving this. I hope somehow you can come to an understanding and acceptance of what happened in the past and how it is being replayed in the present. The only payoff I can see for reliving all this crap is to come to an acceptance and being able to let it go. Keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you well. Hang in there.

[RedSun]

Tooski - 'a child knows if they are loved or not'

This is so true.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

It is possible for a parent to abandon a child without ever leaving the house.

And therapists can abandon their patients in the same way.



Physical presence is not enough.

Yes, and neglect can be like constant emotional abandonment. It can happen with a parent with the best intentions too, like a mother with severe post-partum depression (and there were no treatments back then...just ask Tom Cruise).

And a therapist abandoning his/her patient can stir up and trigger some of the same emotions experienced as a child being abandoned (flashbacks /emotional memories).

[Healingchild]

I think a child can tell whether the other person is sincere or not. Sometimes in counselling I think my T is not being sincere and that can feel like emotional abandonment.

[archipelago]

Both of my parents were absent: my dad literally out to sea and mom just distant and indifferent. I actually had a pre-verbal re-experiencing that gave some indications of how awful that was. My therapist later said that he was having difficulty getting his head around how a mother could turn away from a vulnerable and appropriately needy infant. But mine did. It was neglect. Mostly emotional but it bordered on more than emotional deprivation since there were also problems with proper general care (food, clothing, medical, dental). The emotional was far worse. And apparently neglect in general (however defined) has as strong if not stronger traumatic impact than a clear cut event. Sad but I don't think this is a totally unusual experience. The good news is that you can correct most of it, given the time and perhaps help to do so. If you are projecting it onto your therapist or anyone else that really shouldn't surprise anyone.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

It is possible for a parent to abandon a child without ever leaving the house.

And therapists can abandon their patients in the same way.



Physical presence is not enough.

It is possible to feel abandoned "by" anyone, but I think it's really the original abandoned feeling being triggered. I also think the subsequent feelings of abandonment are hard to resolve because the original abandonment feeling is part of who we are and it may always trigger the subsequent episodes. We can learn to understand that this dynamic is from an earlier time, and we can put the current feelings in our adult perspective that includes the reality of separateness. Separateness was not possible when we were little dependent selves. As adults though, separateness is what frames our own individual selves who get to choose relationships to be a part of, and what kind and to what degree of involvement as well. So, when someone else doesn't meet our need(s), it's about them and their separateness, even if it feels intentional like our original abandonment and neglect felt.

In my therapy work, we have identified issues like this. They are issues that include desires too, like a desire for mothering or parenting. These issues may always be a part of me. I missed out on these things. The time for receiving the life affirming and nourishing that children need are past. Not that I can't learn about them and understand what happens with me emotionally, so I understand my inner world, because I can and it's helpful. It isn't always clear, or easy, but it's good work.

You feel abandoned. It's very painful. It's historical. It's familiar. We gravitate toward familiar. Sometimes we re-create it to create the familiarity. That idea sounds absurd. It's just so complex, so many layers or facets. It takes a lot of exploration and a willingness to consider other perspectives. I like that you are still thirsty for understanding and I'm sorry for the pain that is part of that.