[JaneTennison1]

I feel very emotional today. I want to email my T and cancel citing many stresses in my life as a reason. The thing is, I worry I am running away. I asked my T that on our next session she help me talk about some things I have found it hard to open up about.

Now I know this is coming I feel like my brain is throwing everything at it to try and stop. I want to email her - knowing this is not ok to do - so maybe she will cancel me. I want to cancel and say current things going on are too much (which would actually be legitimate) I want to talk to her about all this other stuff to try and prevent her doing what I asked, which is to help me talk.

Is this a good sign I am getting close to the core of some issues, is it smart to keep pushing? Or is this a sign I need to go slower and calmer?

My head is so confused tonight, i feel so stressed.

[HazelGirl]

You need to go. This definitely sounds like your mind is beginning to get scared because you're getting closer to some difficult issues and the way to get to those issues is to show up even when you don't want to.

[JustShakey]

Well, both really, but you need to trust that your T won't push you too hard or let you get ahead of yourself - that's her responsibility, yours is to show up. Go.

[feralkittymom]

It sounds like this sort of resistance is an unusual experience for you which suggests that it's more a sign that you're feeling more secure and ready to address the deeper stuff. There's no reason that you can't go and tell her that you felt a lot of temptation to cancel and what that may be about. It's actually good information for her to have.

[JaneTennison1]

Thanks

Today's latest excuse is that it's going to be super hot on Thursday and her office has no a/c. I can't stand the heat. So I'm winding myself up about it. How stupid?

[Leah123]

Can you bring a personal fan and extra large glass of ice-water?

[JaneTennison1]

Probably not on the personal fan but yes to the ice water. I'm so wound up. I wanna email her and tell her the heat is too much.

[HazelGirl]

If you keep running, you will never be able to solve your problems. The only way to deal with what's wrong is to face it. I know it is hard (boy, do I know!), but it really is the way towards healing.

[pbutton]

I think I want to quit at least twice a week. Resistance is a real treat. Good luck!

[iheartjacques]

Ah, so that's why I feel even less like going even though in am getting better.

[JaneTennison1]

I just thought I would update this because when I was lurking here I always wanted to read what happened. I have been to the last 2 appointments and finally finished my "timeline" of everything that's happened. T sees a change in me although I don't see it yet.

Thank you all for the encouragement. I appreciate it so so much.

I'm glad you decided to go and that you and your T are working well together.