[Tongalee]

This week has been a real struggle with my break down last weekend heading things off. I was able to get into see my t a day before my schedule appointment. She was so sweet and just listened as I cried and told her the whole story. We had our regular session the next day and now tomorrow is my last regular session for the week.

T asked me what I wanted to work on tomorrow (because I asked her if we could start planning things out in advance to curb some of my pre session anxiety). I told her that I wanted to finish taking through a traumatic repetitive dream I've been having. I could tell she was hesitant to agree to that because the last time we looked into the dream I had a really hard time: I dissociated into a flashback/body memory, and it took her awhile to get me back.

I know that tomorrow is going to be difficult, but the dream is really in large portion just a memory of the sexual abuse. It's the exact scene that I can see when I think about what happened, and I feel like I need to tell her. I don't want her to have to pull me back into reality if I dissociate, but I want to say this dream out loud.

Do you think it's okay to force the issue, even though I know my t didn't think I'm ready? I know this is my therapy to use in whatever way I want to, but I also need to think about her comfort and ability to do her work here. Should I wait until I'm "ready", or more able to handle it? Or do you think I can just insist we try and get as far as we can and pick up the pieces later if need be? Also do you think my t will be mad at me if I end up in a bad place?

Originally Posted by Tongalee

This week has been a real struggle with my break down last weekend heading things off. I was able to get into see my t a day before my schedule appointment. She was so sweet and just listened as I cried and told her the whole story. We had our regular session the next day and now tomorrow is my last regular session for the week.

T asked me what I wanted to work on tomorrow (because I asked her if we could start planning things out in advance to curb some of my pre session anxiety). I told her that I wanted to finish taking through a traumatic repetitive dream I've been having. I could tell she was hesitant to agree to that because the last time we looked into the dream I had a really hard time: I dissociated into a flashback/body memory, and it took her awhile to get me back.

I know that tomorrow is going to be difficult, but the dream is really in large portion just a memory of the sexual abuse. It's the exact scene that I can see when I think about what happened, and I feel like I need to tell her. I don't want her to have to pull me back into reality if I dissociate, but I want to say this dream out loud.

Do you think it's okay to force the issue, even though I know my t didn't think I'm ready? I know this is my therapy to use in whatever way I want to, but I also need to think about her comfort and ability to do her work here. Should I wait until I'm "ready", or more able to handle it? Or do you think I can just insist we try and get as far as we can and pick up the pieces later if need be? Also do you think my t will be mad at me if I end up in a bad place?

Hello Tongalee: You know... I'm not qualified to answer these questions & even if I was, I don't know enough about you. So, from my obviously limited perspective, I would say you should follow your T's recommendations. The reason you have her, presumably, is because she is qualified & experienced & she can guide you safely along your journey.

It seems to me, forcing the issue would be like if you were climbing Mount Everest, your Sherpa's tell you to go one way, but you decide to disregard their advice & just charge off on your own... not constructive... There is a saying one sometimes hears used in the practice of yoga: "Do not move into pain." I think the same concept can be applied here. Move forward gradually & deliberately with the guidance of your T. But do not force yourself to move into pain.

[Tongalee]

I understand your response, and you'll have to forgive me but I don't quite agree. In the case of yoga, yes moving oneself into a position of pain brings about nothing but physical harm and anguish. However, in ones journey of mental yoga, to move into pain is to feel the sweet sensation of relief. When pain is the treatment, hardship is the dose, one must suffer the spoonful without said sugar to fully reap the benefits. I feel that by waiting, further putting off these hard discussions, we are prolonging the period of sickness. I'm tired of feeling ill both physically and mentally, I truly am, and I feel that my only path up the mountain is the one that I can climb best, not necessarily that which is already preordained, known, and traveled. Perhaps it is the roughest route, the one with the most bumps and sharp ledges, but it is mine, my trip through misery to finally achieve the view of a lifetime: me without fear, without anxiety, and without pain. If there is a chance of relief in this, must I not take it?

[Tongalee]

Sorry tigergirl, I didn't realize. Thank you for adding the warning.

Originally Posted by Tongalee

I understand your response, and you'll have to forgive me but I don't quite agree. In the case of yoga, yes moving oneself into a position of pain brings about nothing but physical harm and anguish. However, in ones journey of mental yoga, to move into pain is to feel the sweet sensation of relief. When pain is the treatment, hardship is the dose, one must suffer the spoonful without said sugar to fully reap the benefits. I feel that by waiting, further putting off these hard discussions, we are prolonging the period of sickness. I'm tired of feeling ill both physically and mentally, I truly am, and I feel that my only path up the mountain is the one that I can climb best, not necessarily that which is already preordained, known, and traveled. Perhaps it is the roughest route, the one with the most bumps and sharp ledges, but it is mine, my trip through misery to finally achieve the view of a lifetime: me without fear, without anxiety, and without pain. If there is a chance of relief in this, must I not take it?

Well, Robert Frost wrote about taking the road less travelled & it having made all the difference. The only way to know for sure is to try it...

[lilypup]

If you trust your T, go with it. If you are seriously frightened, I'd wait a bit.

[Leah123]

I second the Skeezyks advice: it's not about *never* dealing with the dream, with the trauma of the sexual abuse it represents, it's about reaching the summit, having that relief, in a safe way. You can push and suffer more (and potentially deal with a lot of unnecessary and horrible backlash, some of which you may've already experienced with your breakdown), or work up to it and keep it more manageable. It is very much like yoga. You gradually increase your tolerance so you do get to those deeper stretches, but rather than the more painful route of forcing your body, you condition it, train it, so the result is the same but without the same anguish. I hear you that it's hard to be patient, but there is other work to be done if you choose it, equally valuable: stabilizing work, pre-trauma work.

Try to remember, life is the journey, not just the destination. I know it's hard.

Regarding your specific questions, no, I wouldn't be concerned about her ability. She's not worried about her, she's worried about you. Your use of the word 'force' is what indicates a concern to me- it's critical in trauma work to stay in control, to not feel forced. Aiming to suffer to pick up the pieces later is a concerning way to look at it. I don't think she'll be mad at you either. I think the only issue is maximizing your stability and well being, and that doing trauma work gradually makes maintaining both of those much easier, safer, better for you as a client.

It's your decision, of course. Do you feel prepared? Do you have good coping skills? Grounding skills? Distress tolerance skills? The pre-work? Do you feel in control- like this is your free choice and you are pretty ready?

That's what I'd judge by. Readiness and comfort level.

Of course it will never be fun or easy, but it can be manageable.

I echo the advice to follow your therapist's lead on this. She sounds like she knows what she's doing. An inexperienced therapist will force emotion and reinforce neural pathways that developed during the trauma. I know from personal experience the kind of damage this can do. Some think that it's a release (including one I saw that undid years of progress), but I didn't find that at all. For me, it was the opposite. Also, having the experience of backing off and still having that same level of support, knowing that I did not have to be in crisis to merit help, was very helpful.

What helped me was the last therapist I saw who would stop me if I started to escalate and redirect to a more calming experience; after all, the goal was to have less stress, not more. My brain needed (still needs) to get into a healthy habit of responding to thoughts, memories and current events that trigger the old stuff.

It's not ignoring the past or triggers of the present to move slowly. It's safer and more effective (imo).