[tinyrabbit]

Hey everyone. I've been absent for a while and have missed posting here.

So my T and I are working on strategies to help me cope between sessions. When I first started therapy, it activated my attachment issues and triggered what my T has called "a waterfall of need". I find it hard to cope between sessions and often feel like an abandoned baby.

We are looking at ways to help me hold onto the idea of my T as a good and caring person, and things he can do that will help soothe and contain me. Sadly a 24/7 phone line to my T is not an option... I'm having a really hard time coping right now so anything that helps in the short term will be worth trying.

Things that currently help:
- Voice memo of my T reading his voicemail greeting
- Some other voice memos
- A list I've made of helpful things he's said, many of which help me recall positive memories
- A toy I borrowed from his office
- A copy of his marketing leaflet
- A piece of card on which he wrote "I won't abandon you"

Things my T has agreed to do:
- Make more voice memos
- Write some of the helpful things from my list on pieces of paper so I can fold them up and pick them out of a jar

Things I want to suggest but haven't yet:
- Ask my T to write my appointments in my diary so they're in his handwriting
- Use more transitional objects, though I'm not sure what

I feel a bit ridiculous posting this but I don't think I'm the only person who needs ways to hold the idea of their T between sessions so I thought it might help to share strategies.

If anyone has any more suggestions I would be very grateful!

[sweepy62]

Hi tr missed you, anyway, I use mindfulness as well as painting , I do lots of abstract. Except lately I have been down.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[unaluna]

I saw my pdoc yesterday and told him about my mother and relatives trying to visit me last week and how such things pretty much blow me away until i can find my footing again. He asked what he could do to help, and i asked if he could prescribe a morphine drip. so talking to t about it today, i realized that t slowing down his usual personal speed to accommodate my tortoise pace (re stopdog's comment this weekend about the t room being a theatrical interlude) - is reinforcing my pace, my taking care of myself, making it a pleasure, not a horrible duty, which is how we should have been made to feel to begin with - thats why babies are so cute at first, right? Then its not to literally take t home with us, but to take home that feeling of, what i like is important. This is funny that you should show up today - didnt we speak of lemon curd way back when? I was looking at "finely cut lemon and lime marmalade" in the international foods dept yesterday at the grocery store.

Leaving helpful messages is a good one... A picture of T is sometimes helpful ....having sessions twice a week helps too...

Once my T asked why I was silent but making full eye contact for about 2minutes and I told him I was memorizing him... Taking it all in... Now even though I saw him for six months before he moved... I can close my eyes and be back in his office with him there...almost can hear his voice.. Sometimes I have mental conversations with him.

[doyoutrustme]

Journaling helps me deal with things on my own, and gives me a space to vent.

you can even write "Dear T" instead of "Dear Diary" so you feel more connected to it. And its interesting to read back after a while and study your mood patterns. If you want, bring the journal in session, so you can discuss times where you were having specific difficulties, and talk about how they fall under your general patterns, and how to best deal with them.

[Leah123]

I found the DBT distress tolerance skills really helpful and also doing many nurturing things for myself helpful, from art to a hot bath to planning a little getaway to napping, because then I could get the benefit and also report back to T and get her approval too.

Another transitional object I like is an Angel Card. I often ask her to pull one from the deck for me (I bought her a deck) and I focus on that word for the week. Each little card contains a positive term like "Freedom" "Humor" "Insight" etc. and a little picture of an Angel that embodies that word. Using the cards invites the energy of those little angels, those positive affirmations to help me through the week.

[JustShakey]

I have a cuddly handknit blankie that I associate with previous T. I don't need it as much now that I've attached to T, but for a while there it was really helpful for me to have something soft that reminded me of her to hug.

[tinyrabbit]

Thanks everyone! I am basically trying to take T home with me, or get more of him. But I'm also wondering if I feel like I need to remind T that I exist.

[EnormousCabbage]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

Thanks everyone! I am basically trying to take T home with me, or get more of him. But I'm also wondering if I feel like I need to remind T that I exist.

Could you leave a small item of yours in his office? I did this with my T as for me that felt more meaningful than taking something away.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

Thanks everyone! I am basically trying to take T home with me, or get more of him. But I'm also wondering if I feel like I need to remind T that I exist.

At one point, a few years ago, i saw this perfectly horrible stuffie - but she seemed to be saying, take me to t. Omg, i just now realized the significance of her coloring! Anyway, i could feel myself as a preverbal child wanting to give this doll to t to take home. I didnt really care what he did with it, altho he told me a great story, and gave me a picture, but i knew my mother never accepted a toy from me. She never played with me, it just wasnt done. So it was a big acknowledgement for t to take it. I think it stopped my cat-like habit of bringing him little weird things all the time. He didnt understand what was going on at first, so maybe its not an everyday thing in t to be in touch with, but darn i think it should be. Maybe other kids arent as neglected.

I've been imagining my T brushing my hair. I got the idea from the film Divergent - at one time the main character, who is missing her mom thinks of this. I find it soothing. I also find having some silence in the session helps - I find the sessions more satisfying in some way if we do this.

[iheartjacques]

Wow. My t doesn't do ANY of that stuff! So I try to distract myself in between fortnightly sessions. I miss my weekly sessions with my past great t.

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by EnormousCabbage

Could you leave a small item of yours in his office? I did this with my T as for me that felt more meaningful than taking something away.

You may be onto something here! Thanks, I'll try it.

[musinglizzy]

Brown Owl, I LOVE having people play with my hair. I find it so soothing. So I like going to get it cut... I haven't envisioned my T playing with my hair...but I'd take anyone! I twirl my hair when I'm nervous. And there have been times I've caught myself twirling with someone else's. I have even woke up in the middle of the night with my hair around a finger. Pathetic I know. I had a friend rub my feet once and I hated it. I hate people touching my feet. But play with my hair all day long!

[precaryous]

Let's see, for PrevT
-I have saved any little notes or cards she sent me
-I have her voice on my voicemail
-I have a picture of her
-She made a short cassette tape for me telling me about my strengths, gains and that she cares about me
-I have a video tape of her giving an ethics lecture.

Thankfully, I still have devices that play the cassette and video.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

You may be onto something here! Thanks, I'll try it.

I wonder about leaving something and not telling T. Like behind a chair.

[JustShakey]

I play with my hair all the time too - and I dare anyone tell me it's pathetic! It is not! It's cute. And a little flirtatious My mom used to shame me for it - she'd tell me that only 'crazy people' did that. Grrr.
I like it when people play with my hair too and I play with my kids' hair. It would be a little weird for T to do it though. Might be okay with a female T. Maybe... It's very intimate...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[pmbm]

The first or second session I had with my current T, she handed me a basket of little toys and told me to pick something out. I picked a pink pig stress toy...because my favorite color is pink. I played with it for the whole session...it also helped me to stop sitting on my hands which T pointed out was probably left over from having been tied up as a kid....and then T instructed me to leave it in her office so I would have it next time. Reading this thread just made me realize that the pig also functions to help me realize that T thinks of me between sessions. Anyway, a couple of sessions ago, when it went to put Piggy back on her table, I realized one of her ears had fallen off. I was really anxious that session and squeezed the bejesus out of that pig. Anyway, when I stood up, the ear fell out of my lap, and I grabbed it and brought it home with me.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I have given my T many gifts. What she does with them? No clue. I'm afraid to ask...lol. But anyways, one gift I gave her was a "survival kit" (i.e. Dryer Sheet: For the clients who are too clingy, Puzzle Piece: Sometimes you fill the missing piece of the puzzle) inside a magnetic storage book. She actually keeps it in her office next to all her favorite items!

The only thing I have from my T to help me btwn sessions: all our emails, pics I stole off the Internet, books she suggested I read, and a hand-written letter from her. She doesn't give me very much. But I haven't given up hope yet

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I wonder about leaving something and not telling T. Like behind a chair.

I want to make paper birds and ask T to put them in his cupboard.

Though I'm in the middle of the mother of all ruptures right now.

[UnderRugSwept]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

I want to make paper birds and ask T to put them in his cupboard.

Though I'm in the middle of the mother of all ruptures right now.

A mobile of paper birds would be cool ...I am sorry about your rupture.