[Mully]

Hello everyone,

I am new here and looking for some support and kindness.

I have been struggling a lot lately and recently reconnected with my old therapist. We last did intensive work a few years ago and I stopped regular visits due to having children and change in lifestyle, but we stayed in touch over the years and had random sessions. I realized that I badly needed support and help a few months ago and we started regular more intensive work a few weeks ago.

We had a difficult session on Thursday. I talked to her briefly on Friday (just a couple of minutes) and left a message over the weekend. She called me on Tuesday to let me know that she was having a situation at home but wanted me to know she was thinking of me and that she would try to get back to me as soon as she could, maybe later that day. The next day I received a phone call fe a colleague stating that she was cancelling our session for Thursday due to a family emergency and that she would be in touch when she was back in the office.

First and foremost, I am worried about her. I totally know from our years of seeing each other that this is not her usual and that something is really wrong. I also know that her husband had emergency surgery a couple of weeks ago (she called hours before our appt to cancel) and talked to me the very next day. I know that I am not her support and that it is none of my business what is going on, but naturally I do care and I am very worried. I wish there was something I could do to help.

Selfishly, I'm also really hurting. I miss her. We were in the middle of tough stuff and I'm worried I will never talk to her again. Most likely that is a huge overreaction and in the very least she will contact me when she is able. But my feelings are making me frustrated with myself for being so selfish and struggling so much.

Thanks for listening. I'm just feeling very alone and don't know where to go with it.

[Leah123]

Awe, I am so sorry you're stuck without her while you're dealing with some heavy material, plus you've got the worry that she's struggling too and might not even be back.

I think you're right that you are catastrophizing and more than likely she'll be back and ready to help as soon as she addresses the situation at home.

Do you have any favorite things you like to do that you might indulge in while you wait to hear back? Any ways you find good for getting lost for a bit?

It's a hard trick to pull off, but if you can just tell yourself that the fact that you are struggling and want her help is totally acceptable and that you deserve help and compassion, and believe it, it will help the frustration. Then you can focus on helping yourself where you are, instead of wishing you were different which won't get you anywhere but worse in my experience.

[lostwonder]

Just wanted you to know that someone read this. I'm sorry you are having a rough time.

[guilloche]

Mully... sorry you're going through this... I hope you hear back from your T soon.

[growlycat]

Welcome Mully!

Do you have a sense how long T will be unavailable?

We'll keep you company!!! So sorry you are hurting.

Wow, going through intensive work is hard enough without adding complications to it. I hope you are able it a little easier on yourself and realize that you are not being selfish. You are dealing with the situation as best anyone could -- compassion for your T, plus some sorrow for yourself.

[ThingWithFeathers]

My T is away too. I think the first few day or weeks are the hardest. Keep posting here for the extra support and kindness you need to help get you through until she gets back .

[Partless]

Originally Posted by Mully

Hello everyone,

I am new here and looking for some support and kindness...

Hi Mully and welcome, I'm a fairly new member myself. I'm sorry to hear about your worries. You are certainly not the only to react that way to a therapist cancelling appointments because of serious emergency. It's scary. And I get how you are both worried for her and also for yourself (given that you are in the middle of working through some tough stuff).

We open up about our most private and most difficult times to our therapists and so the relationship we develop is very important to us and for it to get interrupted so suddenly it is totally anxiety-provoking.

Be patient and soon you will learn more about the situation. Worst comes to worse, there are other therapists out there for you, and also there is all kinds of medical help available (for your therapist or her family). But it could also be that she returns and things are not as bad as that, and that she can continue. I think your care for her is touching and your concern for your future with her is understandable but don't let yourself get too worried about it. Treat it like anything else that worries you, and calm yourself and tell yourself there are options and things that you or her can do even if things get real bad. Then wait for the news and go from there. Most often things are not as bad we imagine but in the small chance they end up being like that, we will have options and things we can do about them.

[Mully]

Thank you to you all for your kind words and support.

My T called me yesterday afternoon. She told me that her husband is in critically ill condition at the hospital. She wanted me to know that I was in her heart but that she is unable right now to talk more. It was a heartbreaking conversation in some ways- obviously I wish it was different for her, I can hear the pain in her voice and how worried she is. At the same time, though, I'm touched that even in this difficult time she thought about me and reached out in the small way that she can. It just proves to me that she is truly amazing and that I'm not totally alone at least in spirit. And honestly, I couldn't ask for more from her. I wouldn't have blamed her if she didn't call me at all. I'm
going to try to just hang onto that as much as I can. I'm also trying really hard to not try to predict the future. It is what it is right now.

I am actually in a wedding party tomorrow so I am pushing myself to be present for it.

Thanks again for the kindness right now. I definitely need it.

[Abe Froman]

It's very understandable that you want to care about her. She's helped you in very personal ways.

I'm sure you will see her again. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.