[Soccer mom]

I had a session yesterday which wasn't bad but I've been nervous that my feelings for my T. are stronger than for my H. I don't know how to describe them. This morning I was in tears on the way to work and texted my T.: "Hey. I can't figure out why I have been upset since my session. I'm tired of how much I'm crying and all of the emotions. I am so frustrated I can't name my feelings or needs. I need you to encourage me and tell me going through all of this will be worth it."

When my mom was sick/dying, she texted me back all the time. We joked with each other and even after my mom died. She told me several times to text anytime and I even said I didn't want to become the annoying client by texting. She said everything was fine.

Late June we talked about my maternal transference towards her. I text her a time or two upset and she would write back something short like even "therapy isn't supposed to be easy". In August I couldn't stop crying and she never responded to my text. We talked about it and she reminded me that if she thought it was something to address in session, she wouldn't respond for fear of misunderstanding. I thought this text was direct in that she could just write back "you'll get through this" or "you're doing great, keep going" (like she did in June). Instead I got this:
"Soccer mom, I have always been adamantly affirming that work people do on themselves is always worth it though very hard. As we have talked about, I don't address these things in texting, just appointment changes, so I'm not sure if your needing to come in to talk about this. Please be clear with me so there are no misunderstandings for either of us."
I hate when people start with my name - it's like I'm in trouble. I don't even know how to respond to her text.
I have a joint session with my H tomorrow and know if I don't address this, I'll be in a bad mood through the session. My next individual session is next Thursday, a long time from now.
How do you get your T. to help you when you can't even state what you need or want? I feel like she is so frustrated with me and her text didn't help. And, I'm just as frustrated. This will be the last time I ever text her again.

[HazelGirl]

What do you want? You want her to reassure you and tell you it's okay. She said she will not do that via text, but if you wanted to make an appointment she was totally okay with that. So do you want an appointment to be able to discuss this stuff?

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

What do you want? You want her to reassure you and tell you it's okay. She said she will not do that via text, but if you wanted to make an appointment she was totally okay with that. So do you want an appointment to be able to discuss this stuff?

The problem is she HAS done it via text and I didn't know our boundaries had changed. I didn't think it would be a big deal for her to say something quick. I hate that it even matters....
I think it just came with bad timing of me being so emotional yesterday. I was so glad she responded but never anticipated one that seemed distant and not very personal.
I am now taking my joint session tonight with my H just for me to talk about this and these feelings. As the clock ticks down, I can feel myself repress my emotions which is the opposite of what I want to do.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

The problem is she HAS done it via text and I didn't know our boundaries had changed. I didn't think it would be a big deal for her to say something quick. I hate that it even matters....
I think it just came with bad timing of me being so emotional yesterday. I was so glad she responded but never anticipated one that seemed distant and not very personal.
I am now taking my joint session tonight with my H just for me to talk about this and these feelings. As the clock ticks down, I can feel myself repress my emotions which is the opposite of what I want to do.

Write it down. And maybe start with your confusion over the boundaries. I bet once you start trying to talk about it and push past that initial block, it will come pouring out.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Just know that it's okay to have your feelings. How you interpret things, might not be what your T intended. But the feelings caused by the misinterpretation are valid and real. Just keep trying to express yourself! You can do it.. it just might take time.