Wish T had called

Chartres · Sep 23, 2014 at 12:17 AM

I had an appointment with T today but my partner was having chest pain, shortness of breath and dizziness - all signs of a heart attack.

So we went to the emergency room. I am relieved to report that partner was NOT having a heart attack, although his symptoms are still unexplained by the tests so he is not out of the woods yet.

When I called T to let him know that I wouldn't be making my session, I left a voicemail saying what was happening. I guess I expected/hoped that T would have called me back to express his concern and support. But T has not called. This leaves me feeling that T doesn't really care.

I did not specifically ask for him to call me back but it seems to me that if someone cancels an appointment because their partner is in the emergency room with a possible heart attack, it would not be unreasonable to expect a return phone call to express support. Am I wrong about this?

ThisWayOut · Sep 23, 2014 at 12:36 AM

I'm glad to hear your partner was not having a heart attack. I hope it's nothing major.

I think I would hope t calls also, but maybe he's waiting for you to call to reschedule? He may be giving you space to be with your partner and not have to worry about your appointment or t? Perhaps give him a follow up call and ask for a call back for support?

HazelGirl · Sep 23, 2014 at 04:42 AM

Yeah, I bet that he didn't want to get in the way of what you needed to do today. And he can't read your mind. He may not have known you wanted a call, even if it seems "obvious" to you.

Sep 23, 2014 at 05:08 AM

My Ts would not have called back unless I asked for them to do so.

IndestructibleGirl · Sep 23, 2014 at 05:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Yeah, I bet that he didn't want to get in the way of what you needed to do today. And he can't read your mind. He may not have known you wanted a call, even if it seems "obvious" to you.

I'm with HazelGirl on this. Some people would consider incoming calls an extra hassle to deal with in that situation, not a comfort.

Also apart from that, I'm not sure what it is like in America but in the UK quite often the ER will have signs telling you to switch off your phone, that the signal can interfere with medical equipment - so perhaps he thought of that and was reluctant.

RedSun · Sep 23, 2014 at 07:32 AM

I'm same as Ready, my t probably wouldn't contact unless I asked. Boundary/respect stuff.
Often panic attacks have all the symptoms of a heart attack, my h's dad has that a lot, ends up wired up in a and e then no one can find anything wrong. It's very hard.
Maybe if you still would like contact, you could email t again and say you're home now or whatever?

Chartres · Sep 23, 2014 at 03:58 PM

Wow, I'm actually kind of surprised by the responses here. I thought more people would say that their T WOULD call back. It is so difficult for me to reach out and ask for help. I wish he would meet me part way.

Anyway, I called his work number this morning and asked him to call me back. He still hadn't called by this afternoon, so I called his cell phone and left a message, asking him to call me back. Still no call, as of mid-afternoon. I'm trying to remind myself that this is probably not a sign that he doesn't care, but rather that he just hasn't got the message yet or hasn't been able to call.

It's just so hard because I have so many emotions that I'm trying to process in a healthy way, instead of shutting down or being destructive. I've come to depend on T for help with this since it is still so new for me, so it is scary that he is unavailable.

IndestructibleGirl · Sep 23, 2014 at 05:46 PM

I'm sorry, this sounds really hard. Is there anyone there, friend etc, with you helping at the hospital, etc? Even on a practical level if not emotional?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chartres

I've come to depend on T for help with this since it is still so new for me, so it is scary that he is unavailable.

From this I'm not sure if you mean you've come to depend on therapy for help, but this is a new therapist and his availability is different?

Wren_ · Sep 23, 2014 at 06:00 PM

How is your partner now?

What you are wanting isn't unreasonable ... it's a very valid feeling and desire. I know I've been hurt several times in therapy where I needed, expected and wanted my T to follow up on urgent medical situations and when he didn't found after a lot of tears, thoughts of he doesn't care and hurt ... that he was usually leaving it to me to let him know. That way he thought it wouldn't be intrusive and I could share when it was good timing for me ...

I had an earlier T who flooded me with about twenty emails asking for an immediate reply on how I was ... that seemed like a more obvious show of care (more tangible somehow) ... but ... I think it is was just two different people and how they respond differently based on their own stuff and doesn't really connect to the question of how much they do or don't care

Hope you can talk about this with your T

Chartres · Sep 23, 2014 at 08:48 PM

Well, T called! He was so great. He said he was glad that I reached out to him and that he explained that my reaction makes perfect sense in the context of ptsd. He really validated that my responses are acceptable and that it is actually a sign of progress that I am not.shutting out my feelings so much anymore. I didn't ask him about why he didn't contact me before I asked. Maybe I will explicitly ask him that at our next session.

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ThisWayOut Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2013 Location: in my own little world Posts: 4,227 11 6,452 hugs given	Sep 23, 2014 at 12:36 AM #2 I'm glad to hear your partner was not having a heart attack. I hope it's nothing major. I think I would hope t calls also, but maybe he's waiting for you to call to reschedule? He may be giving you space to be with your partner and not have to worry about your appointment or t? Perhaps give him a follow up call and ask for a call back for support?
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HazelGirl Elder Member Since Jan 2014 Location: USA Posts: 5,248 10 91 hugs given	Sep 23, 2014 at 04:42 AM #3 Yeah, I bet that he didn't want to get in the way of what you needed to do today. And he can't read your mind. He may not have known you wanted a call, even if it seems "obvious" to you. __________________ HazelGirl PTSD, Depression, ADHD, Anxiety Propranolol 10mg as needed for anxiety, Wellbutrin XL 150mg
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Anonymous100300 Guest Posts: n/a	Sep 23, 2014 at 05:08 AM #4 My Ts would not have called back unless I asked for them to do so.
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RedSun Grand Poohbah Member Since Jul 2014 Location: Scotland Posts: 1,668 9 1,202 hugs given	Sep 23, 2014 at 07:32 AM #6 I'm same as Ready, my t probably wouldn't contact unless I asked. Boundary/respect stuff. Often panic attacks have all the symptoms of a heart attack, my h's dad has that a lot, ends up wired up in a and e then no one can find anything wrong. It's very hard. Maybe if you still would like contact, you could email t again and say you're home now or whatever?
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