My T has never said she cares for me. Does she?

Sometimes there is no way around being straightforward. If the thought is so distressing to you just get it over with and ask, it's not like not asking is feeling any good, either.

It took me forever to say it, but I am so glad I did. It was a breakthrough. No, it won't be too much for your T, I'm sure she already knows! It's just really hard for you... It will make you vulnerable with someone you care a lot about, and my guess is that hasn't turned out well for you in the past, but maybe it will now? Maybe this is your chance to have a real moment with someone that doesn't hurt you in return, and maybe that will be a good thing? Just a thought. What finally got me to do it was a lot of thought, what's the risk, what's the reward, etc. I decided I loved my T and he had to know, regardless of the consequence, and everything worked out. Crying is ok. You don't have to make a whole long thing of it either, you can just say "I care about you." It's still scary though, I get it!!

You're absolutely right, being vulnerable around others has onlyelet them take advantage of me.

I'm glad you told your T and that it was rewarding for you. How did your T respond?

I was thinking, when my T gets back (she's been away) I might tell her that I missed her (because I really have and do!). That seems a bit easier than saying straight out of the blue that I care about her. Would telling a T you missed them be okay?

I said it out of the blue like you said. I told him I wanted to say something "real" and he waited while I awkwardly figured out what to say, then I said "I care about you". I was terrified, it took me minutes to get that sentence out. He immediately said "I care about you too." And then I said this is hard for me, because I feel so vulnerable, and we talked, it was something I won't forget. Saying you missed her will be hard too, you should do it! I get it, it's still hard
for me, but getting easier.

Love > Fear

My T has never said "I care for you" and I have never asked either. I don't think I can ever ask because I have issues with seeking affirmation/aid and find it very hard to even ask my T for usual help (e.g. tell her I am having a bad week). However she has said to me "I'm really concerned" and "I would like to support you through XXX" when I bring up SH/SI but that's not somehow not the same as saying she cares for me. I think she does though, but no more than for any of her other clients and that really hurts.