Email response....

New therapist doesnt want to communicate via email. Email was a big part of my support from previous Therapist. I have told him this. I said I would like to send an occassional email. He said he would read them.....but most likely wouldnt respond.

So this week I sent him an email thanking him for encouraging me to contact my doctor. Told him what she said. This involves something very grave. I believe I was assaulted and have memory loss from a head injury. He did not respond!!!! This is serious stuff.
My life could be in danger. I know he wants to protect his boundaries in this area, but come on....isn't it almost negligent for him to ignore this email. But, if these are his boundaries, these are his boundaries and I have to learn to let go that I'm going to get that kind of support from him. Its hurts. I want my dear former therapist back who would be on the phone with me if I sent this to him. Am I expecting too much?
I have looked around for a Therapist who would support me in between sessions. I interviewed 5. None would offer this support. I really like my new T otherwise.

I interviewed over 30 before sticking with the two I did not despise and found relatively least awful. So if email response is the thing you want, it may take more interviewing. They should answer that question over the phone in my opinion so I would not even go into the face-to-face interview if that was not something they were willing to tell you on the phone.

Can you call him instead of email or make a sooner appointment?

If it is something as serious as your life might be in danger, it probably requires a phone call, not an email, especially since your T set a boundary of "read-only" for emails. You can't fault him for keeping his boundaries. If you really need him, call.

I don't mean to sound harsh. I'm sorry. I totally understand as my last therapist and I emailed almost daily and my current therapist is a "read-only". I know that if it is something serious and I email, she doesn't respond - I have to call (which I hate). So I do get it. And I'm sorry.

I was only looking for a brief response, like I'm glad you called your doctor. Take care.

So, he said I can call him but he wont do phone therapy. Huh? Said if I called him he would suggest me coming in for another session. Well I dont need two sessions in a week, and I just need to talk for five minutes. I'm not asking for too much here.

I'm too tired and stressed out to start looking for another therapist.

Many therapists just won't offer what you're asking and your T is being very upfront that he has traditional boundaries, he reserves therapy for the in-person session. I certainly don't think his actions are almost negligent but quite the opposite. Many Ts are very clear they're not crisis centers and they want clients to take care of themselves by calling 911 or taking self-directive action during emergencies.

If these are deal-breakers, I hope you won't dwell too much on wanting him to change and being upset that he's sticking to a tried and true model, but do find a way to look for someone who can really meet you where you are.

I just think you'll be spinning your wheels on this one otherwise, unless you decide to accept and adjust to what he's offering. I don't blame you for wanting more- I wouldn't see a T with his limits either, but his limits are very common and don't sound subject to change.

I looked at so many therapist before even finding one I wanted to interview, I would just keep on looking if I were you.

I totally understand if you need and want an email response from a therapist you're working with. You have found this approach helpful and supportive in the past. I don't think you wanting that from the therapist you choose to work with is "expecting too much." I do think, however, that expecting a response from a therapist who has very clearly stated that he won't respond to emails is not reasonable.

When you met with this therapist, you stated what worked for you in the past and what you wanted now. He countered with agreeing to allow you to email but stated he wouldn't respond to your emails. You both laid your cards on the table and proceeded from there to engage in a therapeutic relationship. Perhaps the only place he could have done more is to explore a bit more about how you felt about his personal rule about not responding. If he had done that and you heard him clearly and firmly state that under no circumstance does he engage in email communication for things other than schedule change, would you gone ahead and engaged in therapy with him?

It's hard to accept someone's limitations or rules of engagement, but reality is, we each have the right to set our own rules. You want the response and he doesn't work that way. It sounds like he might have compromised a bit by even allowing the emails one way. I think you have to decide if you can live with that or you need to do a bit more searching. There are plenty of therapists who allow email communication.

I totally understand why you wanted a response. Its something thats really important to you and i can see why the lack on response hurts. Your t however said they would most likely not respond. Also, t could be out of town, hasnt checked their email yet, it could be a hundred reasons why t hasnt read your email yet in the first place.
I hope you can talk about this with him next time.

^ what I was about to say -- and that in fact it could be that part of the reason your T didn't want to guarantee response, if he doesn't check it every day. There's no reason to assume he's seen it.

I don't check mine every day, and tell family and friends that they should not consider it a way to contact me in an emergency, but can also attest that it's difficult for some to register that it's really the case. In my last job I practically lived in my email box though, receiving sometimes hundreds every day, and a responsibility to respond to all of them within 24 hours, so I became pretty burnt out on being beholden to read emails, especially in my personal time. There could be many reasons a person wouldn't want to or be able to make email management a hard and fast daily task though.

I wish I could stay in constant contact with my therapist. Mine doesn't email really , he'll do brief texts periodically. Once in a blue moon we'll have a call for 5-10 mins. I'm guessing I'm more hand on than some clients, maybe less than others. I've never imagined a T would be good at contact out of session, but I can see wanting it.

Well, he's not doing anything surprising. You went ahead and e-mailed him and now you're annoyed that he didn't respond as you want? You say you don't need 2 sessions in a week, and just 5 minutes on the phone: so clearly, this isn't an emergency. I think from your T's perspective, it looks like you just want your hand held, and your T doesn't consider that therapy or appropriate. If you can't live with his perspective, find another T.

Mine used to email me back, but he has stopped now. He kind of put the kibosh on that one and will call me if I email.....which is odd because I dont think I ever abused it. I prob emailed like 1x/mo and never crisis related. In fact, he was the one that encouraged me to write if I needed to and then I showed concern to him about it being too much and he said he didn't think it would be a concern I think there is so much gray area in this profession that they don't know what to do half the time lol

I think it best to try another T. You can interview them, sure. But I don't think they have a universal policy, IMO. I sometimes think it changes depending on the client, the way they feel that day, the way the wind is blowing maybe I'm sorry - I would be very hurt if my T didn't respond to something life-threatening. I would most likely let him know, too.

It is the assumption that anything urgent or critical in nature is not communicated via email or text. And you knew he wouldn't answer because that's exactly what he told you he'd do. It is a boundary thing and a way for him to set a precedent. It might sound cold but I think there is a lot of confusion and hurt when Ts answer some emails but not others. Or they answer in a way that isn't what he client wants (since emails and texts are notoriously open for misinterpretation). Consistency is important, even if it feels lousy. I bet how will probably bring it up at your next session.

I do agree with others that you should find a T meets your needs. Your present t is not going to change how he practices therapy - if he doesn't email he doesn't email. If it's that important then you probably should look for another T.