[Soccer mom]

I went into my session yesterday feeling fine, transference the least it's been, in a joking mood ready to talk about why I hate feeling close to my T. After reviewing my week, we somehow ended up on the topic of my mom apologizing to me for not being the best mom. I don't even remember how it happened (and I usually remember everything). It surprised my T. as she never remembers me telling her about it. She locked eyes for me a long time and I instantly got the heartache/dread/longing feeling in the center of my chest that I do when my session isn't going to end well and know in between sessions will suck. That feeling lasted until the end when I said I know next week won't go well. She asked why and I said I have the horrible feeling that I usually get.
As she said what I should think about over the break, I could feel myself getting more and more mad/disappointed. I barely looked at her and played with a ring. At the end she asked what I was thinking and I said "I'm not going to think about those things and I don't want to leave". Then, she was trying to joke around with me as I left (which we do with each other) and I told her it wasn't funny. She asked what was wrong and I said I felt like she was mad or something. She said she wasn't and that I was bringing her into it.
And, as usual, I was. This was about my mom - she didn't do anything wrong but I was making it about her. So, I guess she triggered me? I felt so mad and frustrated when all she did was start asking me about the conversation between my mom and me. And, I can't figure out why that made the feeling start.
Thanks for "listening".

[HazelGirl]

Is it easier for you to feel angry at your T than at your mom?

[Restin]

Oh, SoccerMom, I just want you to know how much I relate to that feeling you described where you've spent the whole session and not talked about what you need to, to make the next week worth doing.

[unaluna]

Thats kind of a huge guilt trip for your mother to lay on you. Ive heard the same thing from my mother. Thats just more of the same - offloading their emotions onto us so they dont have to deal with their own feelings. Thats where the quote (in the bible) comes from - the sins of the father are visited upon the son? Only if the parent doesnt deal with them, or is in denial or whatever - it trickles down by default. I dont think its up to us to tell them what they did was okay. A person has to come to terms with herself about her own actions. All you can do is deal with the effects on you.

You deal with the effects in session. I asked my t, when am i supposed to turn from sad to happy? Im sad in session talking about all this carp. When am i supposed to start smiling? In the hallway? On the elevator? He asked if i had trouble with transitions. Im like, wtf are transitions? So now, like in winter especially, he makes sure my scarf is pulled tightly and i feel like a six year old going off to school. Definitely some reparenting going on there. But we have a definite end to session and a happy transition time to send me off.

[liquidfox]

That feeling you get in your stomach when you know the session isn't going to end well.... I know it well. Luckily last time was ok.

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by hankster

Thats kind of a huge guilt trip for your mother to lay on you. Ive heard the same thing from my mother. Thats just more of the same - offloading their emotions onto us so they dont have to deal with their own feelings. Thats where the quote (in the bible) comes from - the sins of the father are visited upon the son? Only if the parent doesnt deal with them, or is in denial or whatever - it trickles down by default. I dont think its up to us to tell them what they did was okay. A person has to come to terms with herself about her own actions. All you can do is deal with the effects on you.

You deal with the effects in session. I asked my t, when am i supposed to turn from sad to happy? Im sad in session talking about all this carp. When am i supposed to start smiling? In the hallway? On the elevator? He asked if i had trouble with transitions. Im like, wtf are transitions? So now, like in winter especially, he makes sure my scarf is pulled tightly and i feel like a six year old going off to school. Definitely some reparenting going on there. But we have a definite end to session and a happy transition time to send me off.

Your post made me cry, hankster. How sweet of your T to do that with your scarf.