[kelly8896]

I'm hoping that writing here and seeking advice will help me cope with things.

I haven't been able to find a good therapist and feel I need one. I've tried therapy in the past for problems in my marriage. That therapist was very good at giving excuses to my husband to use on top of his actions already. Did not set well with me.

How do find a good therapist? My issues are with my sister (twin). No communication between us for 5 years now. I shouldn't say no communication, she texts or emails me hateful things several times a year, including calling me and my daughter names. I've offered to go to counseling with her, but until I can find a good therapist, I don't want to go down that track.

I've read so many thread here, saying how wonderful their T is, I'm assuming this means therapist. It's great to hear that there are wonderful T's out there, how did you come by them?

Any help would be appreciated.

[HazelGirl]

I would set a boundary with your twin and tell her you refuse to talk to her until she is willing to be polite to you. That's step one. Step two is finding a T who will help you learn to set boundaries with people in your life, not a T who will fix your relationships for you.

[CrimsonBlues]

Hello kelly8896-

I'm sorry to hear that you are having difficulties with the relationship with your sister. Finding the right therapist can be quite a challenge. Unfortunately it might take time and some trial and error before you find the right person for you. If you know anyone who has been in therapy, even in the past, you might ask them if they had a good experience with the therapist. You might also check with your GP or primary doctor-they might be able to give you a good referral. It is one of those things where it is hard to say, many times, until you are sitting face to face with a therapist and until you have the sense that they are someone you feel comfortable with. You might have to interview a few therapists until you get the one that is right for you. I wish you well.

[ThisWayOut]

Finding a good therapist (one you click with) can take time. I would suggest writing out a list of questions to ask a potential t (yeah, that stands for therapist or therapy depending on context). Figure out what you want to get from therapy (support, problem solving, help with boundaries, etc?) and find out over the phone how the therapist responds to those questions. Is also good to ask what they generally work with (ie: mostly depression? Eating disorders? Families? Couples? Trauma?...) and then what their theoretical background is (do they do mostly behaviorally-slanted therapies? Psychodynamic? Person-centered? Etc). I personally prefer a therapist who is more flexible with their approach and combines their skill-sets to best help the individual client, but you may want someone that is skilled in family systems therapy if you want to address the stuff with your sister.
It can take a while, and you may see a t for a few sessions then decide they are not the right t for you.