[kororain]

Let me start by saying I don't really have any particular attachment to my T. She's a nice lady. I have nothing against her, but I also have no desire to be close to her or whatever. If I had to get a new T, it would mostly just be annoying. I don't want to start over with a stranger. But I wouldn't "miss her" or anything like that.

That said, I think she's trying to get rid of me.

I know she mainly likes dealing with kids. Although, I've only ever seen 1 kid ever come out of her office before me... so I feel like the majority of her patients are adults. Although, she said kids usually come to the "later" appointments and that's what I need, so maybe she sees me as taking a kid's place? I dunno.

I feel like she's trying to pawn me off on other people. She finally got me to make a pdoc appointment. She keeps suggesting a different lady who does EMDR. This last visit, she didn't make another appointment for me, but said if I wanted one to call.

I'm totally not hurt... just maybe, annoyed? Why is she making me beg for appointments? WTF.

She told me before that if I didn't open up about CSA we didn't have anything else to discuss.

Now that I did that, she's saying if I don't want to change my relationship with my husbad we don't have anything to discuss.

I don't get it. It's like all ultimatums or something.

Again, I'm not hurt. Just confused. I don't understand why it's all or nothing.

I know I need to fix some things, but it's like it has to be at her speed or nothing.

I also think she tries to antagonize me, and I'm not sure why. I have no problem expressing anger, so why try to piss me off? She has twice now said, "I feel sorry for you." If that isn't meant to piss me off, what is her point? I think I just looked at her blankly both times because it seemed like such a weird/snotty thing to say.

She said something else antagonistic this last session too, but I can't remember now what it was... I had disclosed the CSA and she was trying to cram this stuff down my throat about fixing things with my husband and I can't just jump from one to the other like that... Damn, I wish I could remember, but it was obviously meant to antagonize me.

Why would she try to piss me off like that? I just stared into space blankly and thought weakly that she was trying to make me angry. I dunno if she was trying to "pull me back" because I was out of it, but all I could do was just "think" the thoughts, slowly process them, but then chose not to act/not to get angry. Seemed pointless.

We didn't talk about getting over the CSA at all... just fixing things with my husband. Which... that seems secondary to me. Why the f u c k is my relationship with my husband more important than fixing ME? Why is she trying to make him more important than me.

God damn now I'm really pissed. I knew she was churchy. I shouldn't have ever gone to her.

[Favorite Jeans]

I can't imagine my T starting any sentence with "if" and ending with "we don't have anything else to discuss." That sounds pretty terrible. I think that if she feels that she can't help you she should own it and say so explicitly. Her behaviour sounds not just unprofessional but also mean.

[growlycat]

I could never see any T, even my worst ones in the past, saying if you don't talk about x then we have nothing to talk about!!

I know that telling "your story" again is a pain but a new T might be worth it.

If you have never looked forward to therapy (not all the time, maybe even just a couple of times), IMHO there is something wrong with the working relationship.

[kororain]

Well the "if" thing is me paraphrasing what she said. BUT, I specifically asked her if that's what she meant and she said yes. This was about the CSA.

This time, I didn't even bother to ask if that's what she meant (again) because she used the same language as last time. So I'm not mind reading here at all. It's just a pattern. The question was asked and answered. I'm not asking again.

People do that to me all the time. "Are you mind reading." No, no I'm not. I knew what she meant the first time. People here told me to ask her to clarify. She meant exactly what I thought. The end.

She even accuses me of mind reading, but obviously I know what people mean. I know what she means, I know what other people mean because THEY SAY IT and I listen. Sometimes I think I'm the only person in the world who listens when people speak.

I'm not meaning to be confrontational with you FJ. I'm just frustrated with T.

Still wish I could remember the other antagonistic thing she said, but i was really out of it.

Ouch. All of it. Just...ouch.

[kororain]

Originally Posted by growlycat

If you have never looked forward to therapy (not all the time, maybe even just a couple of times), IMHO there is something wrong with the working relationship.

Going gives me anxiety. I have refrained from self injury this week... mostly. After our appointment on Monday I was very close to killing myself, but I really didn't want to die. So then I just wanted to hurt myself very badly. But I refrained. Except as I was trying to fall asleep I had to pinch the hell out of myself. With my fingernails. As hard as I could on my shoulder that always hurts anyway (car accident).

But since then I haven't hurt myself. I almost did in the car, but refrained. (I get really upset and hurt myself when I'm commuting, on a semi-regular basis.) So I was just chomping down hard on my hair instead. And trying to distract myself.

Anyway, no. Going makes me anxious.

[kororain]

Originally Posted by licketysplit

Ouch. All of it. Just...ouch.

Have I said something wrong?

No not you! Your therapist. The way she's handled your therapy hurts to read. You deserve better.

[kororain]

Maybe I just don't understand what she's trying to do. I don't know.

You and me, both. Pushing you into talking about CSA, then jumping to marriage issues, then telling you to call if you want to schedule an appt. None of that sounds therapeutic to me.

[PeeJay]

I had a T who did similar things -- didn't schedule me appointments but made me reach out to ask to get on the calendar, who wanted to focus on my marriage rather than on the issues that I wanted to talk about.

From everything I have read about how therapists are trained, they are supposed to get a relationship going first. Trust first, disclosure later. That's the order of things.

I hope you find a T who helps you open up. The burden is not on you to do that in the beginning, the burden is on the T to reach you and demonstrate safety. This T doesn't seem to be modeling a safe relationship, so how could you ever open up?

I don't think this T attunes to you very well.

[kororain]

Originally Posted by PeeJay

I had a T who did similar things -- didn't schedule me appointments but made me reach out to ask to get on the calendar, who wanted to focus on my marriage rather than on the issues that I wanted to talk about.

From everything I have read about how therapists are trained, they are supposed to get a relationship going first. Trust first, disclosure later. That's the order of things.

I hope you find a T who helps you open up. The burden is not on you to do that in the beginning, the burden is on the T to reach you and demonstrate safety. This T doesn't seem to be modeling a safe relationship, so how could you ever open up?

I don't think this T attunes to you very well.

I've been seeing her for 10 months. She actually wouldn't let me tell her in the first few sessions and that made it worse for me. Felt like I couldn't talk about it because she didn't let me in the beginning when everything was tumbling out.

Is everyone this way, or just me? I do that thing where I literally go mute about some things... and because she wouldn't let me just organically tell her about it... I went mute and couldn't say it. I don't even know why/how I was able to finally come out with it this week. I think I knew if I didn't, she wouldn't reschedule with me and I have things I need to fix.

I agree she and I don't really connect very well though.

[growlycat]

I have had therapists in the past who were a bad fit for me. I think those kinds of T's do more damage than they help.