Healthy vs. Unhealthy Attachment to T

I would think secure attachment is "healthiest" but I agree it's best not to judge ourselves. I also suspect that many mental health issues may be related to insecure attachment. Just a theory of mine, though. I've read some articles that claim we tend to feel attracted to those who repeat our past expectations in relationships, even when our needs were and are not being met in the relationships. This could possibly explain why avoidant insecurely attached people are often attracted to anxious insecurely attached people and vice versa. I am curious how this might play out in therapy. I tend to attach strong and anxious insecure and did the same while I was in therapy. I do think I was able to reach a point of secure attachment with my therapist, but I have since repeated my patterns in recent friendships. I think back on my relationship with my former T as being ultimately very healthy and healing, though.

I see no reason to mock people for the question or their responses.

I've been thinking about your posts Stop Dog. I myself have a huge longing between sessions to be back with my T. The first time she took a break I told her I had no emotion about the break and that it wasn't a big issue for me. I then had an intense bodily sensation in my bones and torso (hard to put into words). It was the first time I realised I had attachment to my T. I find it impossible to speak of this attachment to my T to her, but she knows it as I told her about the body sensation, and I am sure she sees it in other ways.

Is anyone mocking anyone? I haven't seen that in the posts.

No, I would never intend to mock anyone ever. I'm very sorry if it came across this way. It was not my intention at all. I only meant to offer my opinion. My apologies.

If it works for you, then good. I would not find such a response to a stranger to be useful for me, but many here seem to find it a good thing and I would not try to discount their reports of it being useful for them. I do not believe it useful for everyone - but I rarely find anything to be universal.

I found one of the posts to be mocking the use of the word unhealthy.

If you are referring to my use of quotations I used them because healthy is a difficult word to define and many would have different feelings about this. Again, there was never any intent to mock. It's not something I would ever want to do.

Take care, everyone.

That is not what I meant. And it really does not matter and let the thread get back on topic.

I think people can have unhealthy attachments - I think I have had people be unhealthily attached to me - and I hear what I would describe as unhealthy attachment to a therapist all the time. My description does not make it so and if others find it beneficial so be it - but certainly if I felt that way towards a stranger I would find it unhealthy for myself.

I've never thought of my attachment to my T in terms of whether it is healthy or unhealthy, but it is decidedly absurd to feel this towards this stranger.

Depends on health insurance. It's an investment in health, for me. Time is another factor, however.

I will never, have a clean bill of health thanks to a lifelong, physical illness.

I'll chime in, about my earlier statement about as healthy as it's going to be...

Not mockery, my real life reality...

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How exactly would you disallow that?

I think dependence can be good for people and just like kids they will eventually outgrow it naturally.

I don't think it was ridiculous to ask in terms of healthy or unhealthy, but your post seems to indicate that.

Why not? I see a secure attachment as a healthy attachment and the others as unhealthy ones. Is that not correct?

But I don't feel like my T is a stranger at all! I've been seeing her over 4 years and she is anything but a stranger to me. She's my T, and not my mother, sister or friend. As my T, she and I have a very close relationship. I think she would be insulted if I called her a stranger! This is not a critism, SD. I just continually wonder how therapy is useful for you, but you wouldn't see 2 Ts if you thought it a waste of time. Right,?

Hey Brightheart, no worries. I didn't view your comments as mocking merely as offering your own thoughts and experience.

I have spent multiple years in therapy some of those years trying to undo some damage created by a T. Therapy is expensive and my therapist doesn't accept insurance so I pay out of pocket and seek reimbursement. I don't know the amount of money I have spent trying to heal from old wounds and new(er) ones because it would depress me.

Good to hear you are investing in yourself.

I do think it's normal to have a certain amount of dependence. I think it can go to far when clients are allowed all access to their T. I think that can discourage clients from pursuing other healthy relationships. That would be an unhealthy attachment to me and is something the therapist has complete control over.

Since on the topic of attachment, do the out of pocket expenses, perhaps, also play a role? I pay my copay, like I would a doctors appointment, and can opt for weekly, biweekly, or even once a month. Granted it's granted at 8 sessions per insurance review cycle, but T just submits the paperwork, and voila. I've had the same therapist a few years, as I've had some of the same doctors for numerous years.
Yes, a working relationship develops by consistently seeing the same person year after year, there's a certain amount of dependency in knowing he knows a lot of my history. And I rely on that knowledge he has, to help me through anything from a personal crisis, to background understanding of me, to guide me in anything from a parenting tip, observations of work structures, etc, to help me, help keep my stress levels at an even keel.

If I were paying an arm and a leg, I wonder if I'd expect more? Internally asking how that could shift how I viewed therapists?

It's a good question because 2 of my previous therapists did accept my insurance, my first one who terminated me and my last one, I terminated. Current T and I spoke about renumeration very early in my therapy and my T has been very good about working with me, if needed.

If given the opportunity to pay out of pocket for current T or pay insurance with ANY of my former T's, I'd choose paying out of pocket.

It's not because I believe he offers a greater level of service than the others but because he is willing to admit when he makes a mistake, acknowledge he isn't perfect, show flexibility, compassion, and care, and genuinely works hard to try and offer support to me in this crazy therapy journey.

I lost track of this thread, but I feel sad when reading these last few posts.

To me it sounds like you think money plays a role in the amount of care you receive from a T? If I'm wrong, I apologize, but that's what it sounds like.

I have never paid out of pocket, not even a copay for therapy. I've had good Ts and bad Ts. My parents always paid out of pocket for my therapy when I was a teen. Again, I had good Ts and bad Ts.

I think if you believe that money, education, age, etc has a direct cause and effect on your treatment, I think your off. There might be a correlation though.

Nope. Not my feeling at all. Either you may have misread my post or I didn't make my thoughts clear.

I think there's a misunderstanding, too. It's about trying to understand attachment in therapy.
The OP starts asking about changing to a same gender therapist.

Attachment styles is simply one model to explain something very complex in simplified terms. And in addition it's not really possible to talk about it in terms of correct and incorrect - it is very subjective. Many people will agree with you but many will not, because it all depends on subjective definitions. I am one of those who don't agree. There are many attachments that don't meet the "secure" definition that are not unhealthy at all, the way I see it. And there are certainly "secure" unhealthy attachments!

I get the same care, you describe however, with an insurance based T.

I've heard, sometimes it takes a few attempts, to find the T that works for you.

I don't know if my childhood T's were insurance or out of pocket. I don't even think it mattered.

A lot, too, is what we put in, outside of sessions.