[IndestructibleGirl]

In my session - nope, never feel really inclined to wanting a hug. No, not I. Never. Therapist moving closer to me feels nice but that's quite close enough, thank you.

Five hours later - somebody cuddle me, please.

Why can't I get the feelings to tally up, so that things happen neatly at the right time when it is convenient?

Can anyone relate? Do you ever hug or not hug and then feel a bit exasperated later because your feelings change?

I will cry if she touches me and that's losing control and I know I have to do it but fuuuuuu#ck. I can't lose control, because then she will comfort me and help it be okay, and I don't deserve that because I'm too ugly for comfort, which is crazy because I would NEVER think that about anyone else. I never look at someone else and think they're ugly. But I can think that way about me, and it's so wrong on so many levels and so frustrating.

[Ad Intra]

I can. When I think about what I'm going to talk about in my next session I keep hoping she'll give a hug at some point, but I'm sure from my body language I don't show that. Today I was in session I kept wanting to just leave, so at that point I wanted no hug. However, one day I want a hug!

[Asiablue]

Yes, I've felt that way. But I realised I was denying myself something I wanted, punishing myself for feeling un-loveable or unworthy. So I decided that next time my T offered a hug I'd take it, even if I felt unworthy, because I knew I needed to learn to allow love/care in. I got a hug eventually and it felt amazing. I haven't magically became comfortable with getting hugs and hardly ever ask for one... but it is progress.

[secretgalaxy]

I never really thought about getting a hug from my T, but two weeks ago she asked for one and after that I wish I could have more! I am usually a huggy type of person with family and friends, except with one of my friends, I just don't like hugging her for some reason. Its not her, I am just never in the mood to hug around her. For some reason with my T, it just never came across my mind. Now I am hoping that I can get another tomorrow, but I will probably chicken out as I always think she doesn't like me, even though she has never shown anything but therapeutic love to me... oh well

[ThisWayOut]

I relate to not feeling worth of a hug or comfort from another, so I never ask for one (nor do I think I could), but most of the time will take one if offered... I wish I had asked my previous T for a hug at our last session, but I was too chicken and she didn't offer because I had told her towards the beginning that hugs made me uncomfortable (it was really because I just couldn't ask for one and realized I had kinda asked for one in the moment, so I back-peddled and denied the request by saying they scared me)...
I do go home often and wish I had asked for a hug, or t had offered one... not sure this t ever will, or that I would be able to ask for one...
So long-winded way of saying "yes"...
Maybe asking for one would be a good step in the direction of realizing you are worth it? (that statement is as much for myself as it is for you, please take no offense... you really are worth it).

[BonnieJean]

I could have a hug any time I ask but I've been too frozen against it since the spring. Don't want one. I used too but now I'm afraid of feeling bad afterwards. Hugs can be a tough suject...

[meganmf15]

100% of sessions for 5 years I wanted a hug. Asked for one repeatedly. Never got one, not a pat on the shoulder, not a touch of the hand.

" I don't touch my patients" is what I got. That's why I called her, multiple times, to her face in session, " oh you are a fuc*ing ice queen b!tch".

Blank slate is an understatement. But then, many times, she would shed tears with me.

I am So F**king done with therapy.

[eskielover]

I had a very kind psychologist in California for almost 10 years.....he was actually from Israel but came to the US & got his PhD at Berkley. It was basically useless therapy as I talked & he sat there & listened without much of any feedback.....but he was a very kind man & always had hugs....he was in the same office as my pdoc & it was my pdoc that recommended him after one of my hospitalizations that came after abuse in my marriage. So my H would come to T many times also (along with my 2 eskie dogs).......a hug at the end of therapy was just normal.

What is really interesting is that I finally left my H & moved 2100 miles away to where I didn't know anyone.....but I have made wonderful friends & have a really outstanding psychologist along with an outstanding psychologist DBT group leader with outstanding feedback & I have grown absolutely so much in the last 7 years & especially the last 4 years of therapy......but NO HUGS.......but my meaningful words of thanking her for the support & the feedback & being able to really work with her & my DBT group leader......so for me words are more meaningful than my hugs as they express what I am actually thinking & feeling.

I am surrounded by the most wonderful friends in many different groups I'm involved with & the hugs are free flowing all around so I share hugs with friends & very meaningful words that express what hugs would only represent with my psychologist & psychologist DBT group leader.

I like it just the way it is.

[unaluna]

Yeah. For me the goal is to act and feel like good normal people do, or people i would like to hang with or be like. People who arent all conflicted about it, as you describe, maybe thats the point - to not be conflicted. To feel easy or at ease with it.