Today's session was intense round per round match but it turned out

I went in there with my own agenda today, roaring inside like a mini lion. I told her I did not want to discuss my past 2 weeks, I felt it was a waste of time. ( not really I had been through hell and back , but I needed to take a different approach in my session .

I felt my sessions were like a damn Tetris game on expert mode and I kept losing, needless to say, she didn't want to continue the session until I told her about what happened . She thought I was avoiding something and I was. I angrily told her everything how I felt,

She shot right back and told me how she felt, about me being avoidant and pushing her away and omitting .

She said you have improved, but your not letting me in.

I said I'm being avoidant because I have lost connection with you, I been through hell and back , then I hardly see you, I feel like I'm talking to a stranger.

She said , she wants to start sessions with first couple minutes discussing my week. Then the rest is what she calls the core, which is past/present not totally c s a , she says I'm not stable enough yet for it. Then the last ten minutes ,she calls creative stretch, discussing art music winding down .

I then said I was pissed at the " therapy doesn't last forever" I said that's like telling a newly wed couple congratulations, marriage doesn't last forever.

She said, she meant that in the future there is an end. I said it was inappropriate timing ,she apologized , but said we will discuss it next session , because of the analogy I used.

UPDATE: they hired a t, so after my next appt nov 12 th I will be seen weekly.

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Bloody well done you for going in there and saying all that!! how do you feel about it now? It's great that they've got a new therapist on their books so you can be seen weekly - do you feel relieved about that?

Wow, Sweepy, that is great news! It's so good to see you put it all out there. I am especially happy to hear that you'll soon be back to weekly sessions.

Hell yes , the agreement was that we always tell each other how we feel, and I usually do, but lately I was holding back. She said she was waiting for me to speak up because she knows I'm very straightforward and so is she.

It was non stop back and forth and she said that's what she wants, for me to voice myself. I told her I felt hurt , which is huge for me , and she commended me , usually I say I'm angry.

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I know I have to wait another two weeks but that's fine. I just have alot going on right now, I don't feel stable.

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Wow, that's great. I'm glad you were able to clear things up. And I'm really glad you ate getting back to weekly soon!

I just hate she keeps calling me avoidant, and that I sometimes try and push her away. I was more open today.

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Sounds like a great session. Do you like the structure she is suggesting? Do you want it to be structured like that?

I don't like that she uses that word, either. You keep showing up and wanting more regularity to your sessions, which shows willingness and engagement. She could reinforce that impulse instead of pathologizing the way you've had to cope with all the upheavals in your life and with therapy (the revolving door of therapists, her funky schedule, not returning calls, etc.).

Sure, you're holding back, but you've had reason to. And you want that to change. I hope she gets that now and stops using that word.