[Soccer mom]

I never thought I had trust issues until therapy. I have a hard time trusting my T. and have realized I'm the same way in other relationships.

I trust my T. will not talk about my sessions but, for example, when I need to make a schedule change and don't hear back from her, I feel she's doing it on purpose. She first said I didn't trust her months ago before I realized it. Now, I'm seeing it more and more.

I totally trust my husband and some friends. But, with other friends I may assume they can't do something with me because they don't want to. Hmm, can't think of other good examples except expecting the worst in someone and making it about me instead of realizing it might be all about them.

I have a feelings wheel - what is the base of trust? How do you fully trust someone?

[unaluna]

Isnt that a lack of trust issue? A lack of ego? Its like you are claiming or borrowing something from them at the wrong time or that youre not supposed to take and trying to say its yours, but its not. Its not about you. They just happen to busy with something else. They werent even thinking of you.

Sorry - i keep picturing my mother flying off the handle about some supposed slight from a relative, and id be like, are you sure this was directed at you?

[IndestructibleGirl]

I think there are numerous layers of trust, and it arrives over time. Slowly. It also has to be earnt. Alright, we all assume a certain level of basic trust that people we interact with everyday aren't going to stab us etc, and I think it is reasonable to take it in good faith that 90% of the population are good people who want good things for themselves and their loved ones, wish no ill on anyone, and want to do acts of kindness for their fellow man.

Beyond that, trust has to be earned though. Personally, on a cognitive level I feel I have a handful of friends who have earned my trust so they know my sh#t, and I can be pretty frank. Where I stumble for now is the allowing-myself-to-be-vulnerable bit though.

Then, say, work colleagues who I have evaluated to be trustworthy from what I know of them in context, they know less than close friends, but some basics - like for example they know I used to have an acute eating disorder. Boundaries come into play too, I think.

So yes, I think there are so many layers to trust, overall. Most of us on these boards have sound reason to have a halting style of trusting, because we've learnt how much it can burn. Slowly but surely.

[NowhereUSA]

I think trust takes time. I fully trust my husband. I fully trust my best friend. I fully trust my t. That doesn't mean I tell them anything or that I expect them to be perfect. It means that even if they screw up, I'm willing to walk the road to get to openness again.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Many people say "trust has to be earned". I agree with that, but I think trust is more than that.

If you close yourself off from someone, you're not giving them a chance to earn your trust.

And if you're closing yourself off, the problem with trust lies within you. So you have to figure out why and how to minimize it. Do you feel vulnerable, worthless, fear, ashamed, etc.? In a sense, you're protecting yourself.

How to solve it? Therapy! Sometimes we have to put trust into someone we don't necessarily trust.

I have an extreme fear of abandonment. I don't like allowing anyone into my life. But I needed help and the avenue of help I needed was therapy. I didn't trust my T at first. I was terrified of her to the point I couldn't stop shaking. But I needed to stay. So I made her valuable to me. I gave her more importance then what she deserved. I forced myself to become attached. This allowed me to continue to work with her. And the trust slowly built over time. I paid attention to everything she said and did: her posture, facial expressions, tone, recollection, word choice, consistency, out of session contact, reaction, touch...everything. And what allowed me to finally trust her were the difficult sessions when I chose to allow her in.