[SilentNinjaReader]

Well... I hate feeling weak. This has been the first time in weeks that I have ever told him about anything serious that has happened in my life.

I cried.

Yeah it really grossed me out. I'm very able to mask my emotions but for some reason I couldn't hold this awful memory in. I was pretty much bawling. It hurts just to read this. He was so understanding and gave me information on other resources I could use and whatnot.

I don't really know what I want out of this post, just to maybe hear any stories of some of you guys telling your T something serious in your life or how you feel about talking about your feelings.

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[ScarletPimpernel]

I recently told my T one thing about my past and one thing that is in the present. I cried so much. I felt humiliated, ashamed, and disgusting. Part of me regrets it. But part of me feels relieved. It's no longer a secret. I still worry that it has affected our relationship. I still worry that it has changed her perception of me. But I just keep asking for reassurance and trusting that she's telling me the truth. Based upon my interaction with her and her words, I am feeling a little more comfortable every session.

I think it's one of the most difficult aspects of therapy, but it's also the most rewarding. It's a necessary step towards healing.

[guilloche]

Hi SilentNinjaReader... I didn't see your post earlier. I just wanted to say... how awesome that you were able to open up to your T, to be honest and vulnerable and share your experiences. I struggle alot with that... so I very much admire and respect that you were able to do it (and I understand how awful and difficult it can feel).

It sounds like your T reacted well... was supportive, and didn't judge you? That's so good to hear.

And, like ScarletPimpernel said... I get a little more comfortable (a little more "safe") with each session with my T. It's been a slow process, but I am trying to decide to trust him, even when it feels impossible. I tell him a little more each week, but some has been in writing only, because that's where I'm at right now. I'm ok with slow though, I think slow (and safe!) is just 100% fine... I'd rather go slow and careful, and not get too overwhelmed!

Good luck with your therapy, I hope you feel more connection and safety with your T each week and that you're able to get what you need from this T!

Welcome to the forum, SNR. I also hate crying in front of people, and have full-on sobbed in front of my T. After years in therapy with him, it still feels awful and embarrassing. However, that said, there is something -- "relieving" isn't quite the word, but it's close -- about finally saying some of this stuff out loud. Sort of like palliative care, I guess. It doesn't fix anything and the overall thing is awful still, but slightly less awful somehow. I told him this horrible, awful thing I have hidden all my life, and he still treats me the same.

Did it feel better afterwords ?

[SilentNinjaReader]

Originally Posted by Nature1968

Did it feel better afterwords ?

It did to some extent actually. But really, I was just feeling a bit too weird to actually appreciate this fact. It's still kind of hard to now. I had set up another appointment with him today and we went over creating a plan to somehow organize my hectic schedule since I tend to pile on more than I can handle as my new form of SI in the eyes of some. I mean, hopefully I can become more open to the idea of sharing some personal stuff more often, but this will for sure take a while.

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