[lightcatcher]

When someone tells you not to think of the elephant, what do you think of? The elephant.

I had a good session with T this week and at the end T said to me that they would like me to try not to think about what we had talked about. T wants me to focus on life outside of this traumatic topic, box it up and let T look after it. Yes I want that! Life is enough at this moment, but how do I not think about it?

When you don't want to think about things what do you do?

[Partless]

Lightcatcher, one method is just focus on life outside. Be indifferent to trauma stuff. The method works because when you try to not think about the elephant, as you say, you end up thinking about elephant. You become preoccupied with it. You close down, and the elephant becomes your focus. Except you try not to think of elephant. But to not think of it, it means you're already thinking of it! Confusing enough, lol?

So the method is to keep your focus on the goal and let the distractions come and go, like a driver who has to drive despite distractions all around. Imagine biking or driving. You can see stuff on the side of the road, but where you going, to pick up your girlfriend or boyfriend or children or parents? Well, you focus on the road there, what you guys wanna do today, what to talk about, the smile on their faces, etc. Of course you will see stuff on the side of the road but if you try not to look at the side of the road, you're more likely to have an accident cause you already become distracted with thoughts about that, no? So just focus ahead. If you see stuff on the side, so be it. Bring your focus back on your meeting point, back on love, back on life, back on goal, and let other things come and go...

Sometimes I find thoughts come into my head about therapy, at other times I actively spend time thinking. I think you can't stop the first, but sometimes when the thoughts come and you realise you are thinking them you can distract yourself. You can stop the second type by not actively thinking about it at other times. Hope my post makes sense.

[ScarletPimpernel]

In order to not think about something you have to acknowkedge it's there, and continue doing whatever it is you need to do.

It's part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

Distractions can work for awhile.

Or you can you can go extreme and do ECT or get a brain injury that effects your hypothalamus(?), or other things you really shouldn't do.

Otherwise, the more you tell yourself to stop thinking about something, the more you will.

I went out and bought myself a little elephant bracelet, so that when I want to stop thinking about something, I remember i have to acknowledge it.

[lightcatcher]

Thank you partless! It is confusing lol. But I love how you provided the example of the road! It might be time to try and keep my self super busy and focus on the next time I see T where the elephant can be released out.

[lightcatcher]

Thank you brown owl and scarlet! I think my biggest issue is at night when I don't have anything to distract me and I'm left to my thoughts, so it's a conscious choice then to maybe stay in them. It might be about changing that thinking and having control over the thoughts and saying to myself that I will address it next time with T. T also said not to write about it.

Scarlet, I love your elephant bracelet, what a cute way to remember and acknowledge.

I'm confused as to why T said to try not thinking about it or writing or anything like that? Isn't therapy about thinking about it??

[JaneC]

lightcatcher....I also find the night time worst, when my brain is not otherwise occupied, and then the trauma thoughts or therapy thoughts come in.

What I do now, and after lots and lots of practise it seems to work often.....is that I allow myself to think the thoughts for a little while, then tell myself, ok, now this goes away behind that door marked *therapists name*.....he can deal with it and maybe we'll look at it some time together.

(ps, I have always been exceedingly good at locking things behind doors in my head, I think this helped!)

Oh, and my therapist says that I need to give myself a break in between sometimes. Too much thinking is exhausting!!!!!!!!

[ScarletPimpernel]

All of life requires balance. Too much of anything can harm you. So if you're constantly thinking about something in particular then it's probably taking up more time and energy than it should. It's also probably interfering with daily tasks. Therapy isn't just about talking (and it's not about fixing either), it's about finding that mental balance.

Nighttime is always the worst for me too. 99% of the time, if I have a breakdown, it will be at night.

There are coping skills for nighttime. Mine are: listen to music, light a candle, aromatherapy, open the window and feel/smell the air and listen to the sounds, hot bath/shower, hot tea/chocolate, meditation/relaxation, writing, etc.