[Ad Intra]

My T left the agency and now I can no longer see her. I'm not sure if she retired or just left but today was our last session. I was all smiles and laughter because it hadn't set in yet but once it did I cried for an hour.
I'm going to miss her. I wish I could have said some thing but I was in shock.

[JustShakey]

Just like that? No warning? That's pretty messed up...

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[Ad Intra]

Ya, no warning. I'm very upset.

[JustShakey]

Wow. You should at least get a few weeks of 'termination' sessions. That's just not fair... Is the agency having another T take over your case?

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[Ad Intra]

Nope. I said start all over with a new T if I want to though.

[Ad Intra]

She said she just found out that she would be leaving. She kept giving me chances to talk but I was shocked and smiled like an idiot

[guilloche]

Oh geez, I'm sorry, that really sucks. I know that "stuff happens", but you'd think people in the therapy-profession would be a bit more aware and careful about such sudden changes.

I'm so sorry Ad Intra.

Are they setting you up with someone else at the agency? Is your T going to be doing any sort of "transfer" of your information? Or are you having to go start looking for Ts from scratch?

Good luck... and again, I'm sorry! I'd be incredibly shocked too, and probably react exactly the same way you did. It takes a bit for things to sink in sometimes!

[Ad Intra]

No, I'm not going to start over with someone else. I wish I would have asked more questions. I'm really pissed at myself for being in shock and not processing it then

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by Ad Intra

She said she just found out that she would be leaving. She kept giving me chances to talk but I was shocked and smiled like an idiot

Well, you were in shock. I doubt there's many people who's be able to say anything in that situation. Can you lodge a complaint somewhere? Or at least call up the agency and yell at someone?

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[Ad Intra]

I don't know but I ****ing hate her right now

When I saw the thread title my thought was - no! Not another person here having an unexpected termination. I think therapists need to take some responsibility if they go into this profession to make sure they never do this. I feel for you, what a horrible thing to happen. I would have probably been the same as you, in shock and would have struggled to say my feelings. Hugs.

See this is what scares me about having to find a new T I want to feel comptable with that person but I don't want to end up getting so close that I get hurt .

[PaulaS]

I really understand you in this. I´m pretty sure that you in some way, like I also felt, felt hurt or left out even if you at the moment put on a happy face. I would say, without wanting to interpret you in any way, it´s easy to take on several kinds of defences when something like this happens.

When on my own I just cried and still cries over the unexpected termination I most recently experienced, but in contact with my T I put on a more distant attitude just because I didn´t want her to see/hear me cry. Perhaps my situation was quite different as I really felt left out because my T had the opportunity to continue seeing me, she wasn´t moving or anything like that.

I don´t know if you at all have the oppurtunity to get in contact with her? I now don´t mean that you have to see her in person if you don´t want to but perhaps you could send her a letter or an e-mail? You could ask her in a nice way that you want her to respond and just explain that you were in shock but that you now regret that you didn´t get to speak to her.

I really know how hard this can be and I never wanted to see my T again, and again because I didn´t want a meeting where I just sat crying, but a letter is a much easier way to get an explanation without meeting her in person. If that´s not what you want of course!

Originally Posted by Ad Intra

My T left the agency and now I can no longer see her. I'm not sure if she retired or just left but today was our last session. I was all smiles and laughter because it hadn't set in yet but once it did I cried for an hour.
I'm going to miss her. I wish I could have said some thing but I was in shock.

[Ad Intra]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

I really understand you in this. I´m pretty sure that you in some way, like I also felt, felt hurt or left out even if you at the moment put on a happy face. I would say, without wanting to interpret you in any way, it´s easy to take on several kinds of defences when something like this happens.

When on my own I just cried and still cries over the unexpected termination I most recently experienced, but in contact with my T I put on a more distant attitude just because I didn´t want her to see/hear me cry. Perhaps my situation was quite different as I really felt left out because my T had the opportunity to continue seeing me, she wasn´t moving or anything like that.

I don´t know if you at all have the oppurtunity to get in contact with her? I now don´t mean that you have to see her in person if you don´t want to but perhaps you could send her a letter or an e-mail? You could ask her in a nice way that you want her to respond and just explain that you were in shock but that you now regret that you didn´t get to speak to her.

I really know how hard this can be and I never wanted to see my T again, and again because I didn´t want a meeting where I just sat crying, but a letter is a much easier way to get an explanation without meeting her in person. If that´s not what you want of course!

No I can't, I guess I could ask but I have no idea if she was moving or retiring or leaving the agency. I would love to see her one more time

[PaulaS]

What do you mean is the actual obstacle for you contacting her? Is it beacuse you don´t want or dare to or is it because you don´t know how to get in contact with her? Why she left is one of the most important questions to get an answer to as I see it. As it seems she left quite abruptly, it could perhaps be about an illness in her family, a divorce, having to leave her home or something like that.

If she worked in an agency together with several other T:s you could perhaps ask one of her colleagues or a receptionist why?

Originally Posted by Ad Intra

No I can't, I guess I could ask but I have no idea if she was moving or retiring or leaving the agency. I would love to see her one more time

[Ad Intra]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

What do you mean is the actual obstacle for you contacting her? Is it beacuse you don´t want or dare to or is it because you don´t know how to get in contact with her? Why she left is one of the most important questions to get an answer to as I see it. As it seems she left quite abruptly, it could perhaps be about an illness in her family, a divorce, having to leave her home or something like that.

If she worked in an agency together with several other T:s you could perhaps ask one of her colleagues or a receptionist why?

I mean I guess it doesn't matter. I had the chance to ask and it never dawned on me. I have all these questions now then I didn't this morning.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by Ad Intra

I mean I guess it doesn't matter. I had the chance to ask and it never dawned on me. I have all these questions now then I didn't this morning.

You deserve answers. Sudden termination without an explanation like that is unprofessional.

Your T has to be somewhere. Start with the office where you used to see her...and ask for information and/or a forwarding address. Google her name.

It would make a difference to me if she left due to a sudden illness, whether she was fired, or whatever.

I was terminated once because my Ts job changed. That was fourteen years ago and we remain in touch to this day....so don't give up...that's a possibility.

I'm glad you are thinking about engaging another T. The new T will be able to help you reach some kind of closure.

Whenever I am struck with grief, I eventually feel better once I take some kind of action.

[Ad Intra]

I'm not going back to therapy. I don't want to trust another therapist

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by Nature1968

See this is what scares me about having to find a new T I want to feel comptable with that person but I don't want to end up getting so close that I get hurt .

Boy can I relate there. I really didn't even want to START therapy because I was worried I would get too close, and then get hurt. But, I guess life is all about taking risks, eh?

So, with my fear in mind, when I started searching for a therapist, I had some requirements.... and the one I ended up choosing (the first one I saw, too!) works for herself and her own business, not an agency, although she has a couple people working for her. So lots of people come in and out of that waiting room, between 3-4 Ts, but MY T is the owner, so the risk of her leaving was lessened. She also has been under the same business name, in the same location, for over 20 years. When I started to contact her, I asked her what her future plans were, I didn't want to get involved with someone who may be moving, or retiring, etc. In the next few years she plans on not taking on any new clients. But she plans to work for at LEAST 10 years before she retires, and even then, she said she may see patients part time for another 10-20 years....so she said I had nothing to worry about, and I believed her. She knows now that I have major trust/abandonment issues, so she reminds me once in awhile that come hell or high water, she's gonna be around a long time yet. I'm very happy for choosing her... I didn't even hear her voice until my first session....it was all thru Email. I had an idea of what she looked like, because her pic is on her website.... although looks really didn't matter to me.

I've gone through some surgeries the past few years, and had doctor problems too. I was in a clinic that had residents, and because I'm seeing my doc every 3-4 months, I was tired of being stuck with residents. Yes, I know they need to learn, but I'm a "regular," so I wanted a "regular" doctor. The clinic I was at caused me nothing but grief, so I started doctor shopping a couple years ago. I end up now going to a different clinic in a different town, but she's worth it. So I got lucky finding the right doc, and T. With my doc, during my first appt, I asked her, too, what her future intentions were. She is young, so no thought of retiring anytime soon.... but I wanted to make sure she had no plans to quit/move away. The last doc I had that I felt any connection with at all ended up moving 3 hours north, so I couldn't see him anymore. She told me she had no plans to move, quit, leave THIS clinic, etc. Things happen, but it was reassuring to me to know she had no plans to leave in the near future. I started seeing her....oh..in June, I think. During my second appt with her, she brought up my question to her, she kinda squirmed a bit. She said "I know I told you I had no plans to leave, BUT....." and I'm thinking OMG now what.... I breathed a sigh of relief when she informed me she was pregnant, and would be taking time off when the baby was born (your typical leave time). I looked at her and said "CONGRATULATIONS! That's all?" Here she was nervous I might be upset.... but after holding my breath at first, I was thrilled! Ok, she's taking maternity leave....so what? That was a couple years ago now.

Anyway, please don't give up on seeing a new T yet. If (when, I hope) the time comes for you to find another one, just make sure you ask. Things in life happen...I understand that....but asking doesn't hurt, and in this case it may not have done any good. But in another case, it might. Hugs to you.

[precaryous]

I agree with musinglizzy.

When I was Searching for a new T last year one of the questions I asked was how long T expected to be a T. She is reaching retirement age...and she was honest to say she planned on doing therapy at least five more years but she would give me plenty of notice when she planned on winding her practice down. I wasn't happy to hear "five more years" because I'm probably a lifer....but she is well connected, cares about me and im trusting she will eventually refer me to someone that hopefully meshes well with me.

I also understand your decision for the present to not look for another T.
After something bad happened to me in a previous therapy, it took me fifteen years and a serious illness to make me reconsider and try again. Truthfully, I feel I am doing so much better with Ts support.

[Ad Intra]

She is old and I found that out on the first session. I wasn't allowed to shop or ask questions. I'm just assigned a T because that's how things are done at the agency I go to. I've been having suicidal thought for a month now and yesterday she made me promise to keep myself safe and go back to therapy if I need it. I have so many mixed emotions even before yesterday so I don't know. I'll be in class and I'll laugh and smile but when I'm alone I feel terrible. That's my problem.

[nottrustin]

hI have to wonder if she didn't leave on her own accord or is restricted from giving clients information by the agency she worked for??

A couple of years ago my PCP was asked to leave the agency she was working for. She was totally shocked. The way we found out was my husband called the office to set up an appointment two days after she was terminated and was told she no longer worked there. Fortunately, we had contact through facebook and I sent her a message. She and the office manager never really got a long. One day the office manager over stepped her bounds and terminated my pcp.

She was not allowed to reach out to any patients to explain the situation so everybody just thought she left. Since I reached out to her she answered all my questions. A few years before that she left the company she worked for. She was not suppose to tell patients she was leaving or where she was going. She did tell a few patients that she was closer to (my family being one of them). Since I worked for the same medical system as she did she figured I should know.

[Awele]

It has happened to me as well. My T just sent me an email saying he had moved, I didn't know what to say, so I just wrote good luck. That was all.... No last session, no eye to eye talk,just loose ends...
I thought I might be overreacting, but now I think he should have ended it in a different way. A bit.

[Ad Intra]

Originally Posted by Awele

It has happened to me as well. My T just sent me an email saying he had moved, I didn't know what to say, so I just wrote good luck. That was all.... No last session, no eye to eye talk,just loose ends...
I thought I might be overreacting, but now I think he should have ended it in a different way. A bit.

You're not overreacting and you're right, he should have said something before.

[Bipolarchic14]

You don't know if she will be work elsewhere, so you can continue therapy with her. Maybe she did not know until recent.