[ElectricManatee]

Inspired by a recent post, I am interested in whether people feel that certain topics are off-limits in therapy. Certainly most people in therapy have things that they choose not to share. But do you feel like you could share anything if you wanted to? Are there certain comments or questions that you think your therapist would find inappropriate? Have you had a therapist tell you that a topic was off-limits? Would your therapist be offended if you asked an intensely personal question about their life?

ETA: The question is more whether you feel free to talk/ask about anything, not whether you find yourself willing or able to do so.

[LonesomeTonight]

I was actually thinking of creating a similar poll (since I'm pretty sure) this was inspired by my post. Will post an actual response in a bit (though you know what I'll say!)

[Salmon77]

I said "other" thinking that although my T says nothing is off limits, there are things I generally don't bring up with him.

If I asked my T a question that he did not want to answer, he would probably a) not answer and b) want to discuss why I asked the question.

[LostOnTheTrail]

I voted Other. In theory, yes...but it's entirely dependent on whether I can open my mouth and use my words. When I am having a particularly hard time, I will reach for her hand like a life raft.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I also put other. Not because I couldn't talk to my T about certain topics (actually quite the opposite, he makes sure to mention that I can tell him whatever I want), but I think it depends on wording. As in it's okay to tell your T you are mad at them or that you are jealous of their wife or children. But it's not okay to yell at your therapist because you are mad, or to insult the ones they love and so on. As long as it is worded in a respectful manner, everything is okay to be talked about.

[feileacan]

Yes, I'm totally confident that no topic is off-limits in my therapy. It does not mean that I'm able open my mouth and say those things though.

Mostly I'm unable to talk about myself because I don't seem to find myself in therapy session.

I have no problems in bringing up questions about my T and letting him carry the full weight of me demanding the answer and figuring out whether I really want/need the answer or I'm just testing him. Sometimes he gets it wrong and answers and then I feel that he shouldn't have done it and then I hurl against him with accusations and complaints how he should not have answered.

Also, I have yelled at my T and cursed him and also said some very mean things about him and his family and no - it is not off-limits in my therapy.
The only things he does not allow is aggressive or self-harming behaviour - throwing or breaking things, threatening or attacking him physically, slamming the door, hitting or harming myself in session. How do I know that these are off-limits? Because I've done them all and always a discussion initiated by T has followed about whether I am able to tolerate the treatment or whether I should start taking medication or even stop seeing him altogether because if I can't control my behaviour in these aspects then he can't help me.

Yes. we talk about anything and everythihg. i cant think of any topic that would be off limits or odd to talk about with her.

[Lemoncake]

I don't like talking about sex and periods because makes me feel dirty, but where I am right now I feel like I could share anything with him that we've gone through the cringe fest that was/is erotic transference complete with a sexual fantasy that involved him. When I was trying to provoke him I said a lot of weird stuff like: I bet I could **** him better than his wife could and that I wondered what kind of kinky **** he was int, but he didn't shame me about any of that and was cool as a cucumber.



Today was suicidal feelings and SH 101. But when we first started I found even admitting the parental transference hard. Because I don't have to walk on eggshells in the fear that he's going to flip out at me, I can tell him things like I feel his interpretation is wrong, he's being defensive and tell him that perhaps he should examine his countertransferance towards me with his own therapist . all of which I couldn't do before.. And I haven't really asked intensely personal questions about his life.

[feralkittymom]

Former T, yes. Current T, I haven't made up my mind. She's said several times that I can say anything to her, and I have no concerns about confronting her if the need arose. I can ask her anything personal--I'm just not usually interested in doing so. What I'm undecided about is gory details of abuse; I'm not confident that she could tolerate it. And I don't want to have to take care of her. But since I don't feel much sense of needing to get into it, it hasn't posed a problem.

[stopdog]

Theoretically the idea behind therapy seems to be one can, may and should tell the therapist anything they want. It is the line those guys tout the most. It is the big selling point they tell all the clients.

Realistically, in practice, I have never found it such that those guys are competent enough or mentally equipped to hear anything or everything from a client. More like when cell phone companies say you are buying unlimited data but really it is only 20 gb (or whatever - just an example) - Taking such a statement literally leads to disastrous results for the client in my opinion.

[MobiusPsyche]

Yes I think I could talk about whatever I wanted to with my T.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Yes, I can tell my T anything. And I do tell her most everything. I haven't talked to her about religion yet. And I personally hate talking politics. The only thing off limits is talking about her personal life. But we talk about our relationship a lot.

[88Butterfly88]

I voted no. I did have one t I could tell absolutely anything to and I miss that. Most ts I feel I can't, I just don't trust them enough. Current t actually seems to set some topic limits herself; she doesn't seem to like talking about sex too much and seems to steer me away from those conversations.

[RaineD]

I haven't figured out how to ask if I can go to his funeral...

[DP_2017]

Yes but I don't. Many things are not that important

I thought I could, now I'm not so sure. *sigh* I'm so confused. :P

[AllHeart]

Yes, I can tell and ask my t anything so long as it's beneficial to my therapy needs.

[awkwardlyyours]

No, there’s a non-short list of things I avoid talking about because past experience at broaching those topics showed me that she’s rather terrible at them.

There’s also a bunch of different ways of talking that I avoid — for example, my usual way of discussing something about her or the relationship would be to be totally analytical about it (with little emotion). But, I’m finding that she gets kinda pissy / irritated / non-warm / argumentative (needlessly so) when I do that. I used to think it’s because I usually had these sorts of discussions when we were otherwise rupturous.

But, yesterday, I brought up just a random thing that I’d noticed about her (wasn’t remotely angry) and she reacted in the same weird way.

So yeah, I do censor myself some. It doesn’t matter a great deal in terms of the core issues I’m sorting out and so, it’s okay.

[nottrustin]

I answered other. nothing I ever brought up was off limits with T. I can't think of anything I didn't eventually talk to her butt it took time. I think asking her very personal questions about subjects like her sex life would have been off limits. But we discuss some very personal aspects of her life most becausr sje brought up.

With Emdr T, I suspect there would be very little of anything that sure would deem off limits about myself. I just need to know her more to test that. So far have addled her very little but she seems pretty open.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88

I voted no. I did have one t I could tell absolutely anything to and I miss that. Most ts I feel I can't, I just don't trust them enough. Current t actually seems to set some topic limits herself; she doesn't seem to like talking about sex too much and seems to steer me away from those conversations.

when I discussed this with EMDR T recently, she told me if the obituary told the time and such vs saying it would be a closed or immediate family that it was likely fine.

[ElectricManatee]

I voted yes, I can tell her anything. I have told her some unspeakable things that I couldn't or wouldn't tell anybody else, and she has helped me understand them. I have asked her personal questions, some of which she has answered and some she hasn't. But she never seems upset when I ask. If she doesn't answer, she usually steers the conversation toward why I'm asking and what it would mean to me if the answer was one thing or another. Sometimes I welcome that line of questioning and sometimes I shut it down because I am embarrassed. I have actually talked about her sex life in general terms (no questions) because it was relevant to something I was explaining about myself. She did not seem ruffled even by that. I don't think it's my job to filter myself in session, and I'm pretty sure she would agree.

[LonesomeTonight]

For my current T, I'll copy and paste the conversation from In Session Today that I think inspired this poll. We'd also talked about the topic a bit before.
T: "I know we've discussed this before, how you think a client should be able to say anything in therapy, but as you know, I don't agree with that." Me: "I just keep thinking that this should be the one place where I *can* share anything, that if I can't share it here... And that I should be able to ask you anything, you can just opt not to answer." T: "I don't really think that you can ask anything. Some things wouldn't be appropriate." Me: "Like if, say, I asked you what sorts of things you like to do sexually, that wouldn't be appropriate?" T: "Yes, exactly."

Me: "But I still want to be able to share anything." T: "I just think there are limits, that you don't have to share everything. If a client told me, 'Wow, I really wish you could come on vacation with me and my husband, you could sit at the dinner table with us, and help us work through everything, ha ha!' That's a totally fine thing to share." Me: "OK, that makes sense." T: "But if she were to say to me, 'I have this elaborate sexual fantasy involving you and my husband, and this is the point where I rip off your clothes,' that wouldn't be OK." Me: "Yeah, OK."

So, there are definitely limits with my T, although I wish there weren't. Will mention ex-MC's policy in separate post.

Edited to add: Also in that same session, I told T about my fears of crossing one of those boundaries without being aware he had it (or with him not even being aware it was a boundary until I'd asked). And he did reassure me that it's not like he'd terminate me over it, we'd process it and work through it. So that was good to know.

[velcro003]

I couldn't decide between "Yes, there is no topic off-limits," or "I don't know," so I picked "other."

My T tells me all the time that therapy is for talking about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. So far, she has reacted well to everythign I've told her....but it is like pulling teeth to get me to talk, so there is a lot that is unsaid.

Deep down, I think I could talk to her about everything that goes through my brain, and think it would be okay, but there is so much fear and avoidance on top of that, that I am not sure it is actually true. If that makes sense?

[LonesomeTonight]

With ex-marriage counselor, he seemed to be of the policy that it was OK to share anything, any thoughts or feelings. And up until something that happened near the end, he seemed accepting and nonshaming of anything I shared, including stuff about my transference for him. And he'd said it was OK to ask him anything, but he couldn't guarantee he would answer (and no, I didn't ask him the "what he likes sexually" question!) That mostly came up when I suspected, then he confirmed that his wife was sick, that I could ask him anything about what's going on with her, he just would only answer some of it. And he tended to be quite open about himself and his family otherwise, lots of disclosing without us needing to ask!

But then what led to the end of it all, which most of you have probably read before, is my sharing in an e-mail that I loved him. Even though it was something I'd said before, and I clarified in a subsequent e-mail that it was platonic, and he initially said, "Of course it's OK!" when I asked in that first e-mail if it's OK...a phone call after that led to the unraveling of our relationship when he acted harshly toward me, was gaslighting me about how he'd acted in the past (like with boundaries and outside contact and stuff), and then said I had to reduce contact. So apparently it wasn't OK to share *anything* after all...

[Abe Froman]

I'm going to have a little trigger warning here.

First thing I'd like to ask of those who say no, what types of things do you feel you can't bring up?

My above questions leads into my answer. I said I don't know and I'm answering that about a therapist I saw 2 years ago and am about to start seeing again. My previous therapist from four years ago I was pretty open with about suicide and all things depression related but I never brought up transgender issues in part because I didn't know to apply that word to myself at the time and also because I wasn't ready to talk about it.

As far as the T I'm about to start seeing again, I originally sought her out because she openly advertises as an LGBT counselor. I openly discussed almost everything transgender related to her. I've contacted her and am going back to see her July 3rd and I'll be focusing on depression and suicidal ideation. I don't want to be in a situation where I can't be open about SI because she wants me to go to the hospital or something. So I'll have to feel her out and if she isn't comfortable going there then I might have to seek out a different T. I hope I don't have to seek out a new one.