[Soccer mom]

I have realized a pattern that when I feel like my T. is frustrated or disappointed I feel the longing more and have a harder time in between sessions. I want to fix it right away.
When I've addressed it in the past, she says she's not frustrated. I have a very hard time opening up in my sessions due to fears of what she'll think, afraid she'll judge, and mostly afraid our relationship will change. She knows this but hasn't been able to make me feel better. She will ask why I feel that way and has asked what she can say to make it better and I can't think of anything. Probably because deep down I know actions speak louder than words.
Now I have another week to wait thinking of my regrets in my session and possibly upsetting her by not being able to talk. I know it must be frustrating. Some of this is due to my maternal transference as I would never tell my mom my feelings for the exact same fears. I told my T. "have I told you how hard all of this is for me? All of these unwanted feelings?" She said that I've told her several times along with the fact she's not nurturing and that she sucks (lol, low moment a few months ago). I'm actually wondering if I've hurt her feelings along the way.
We have a teasing/great relationship so we get along well. I hate that I can't fix this right now and make sure everything is ok! She doesn't allow contact between sessions unless to schedule an appt.
What do you do/tell yourself to make it easier until your next session?
And, deep down I know I could be making this much more than it is. All it took was one look and it "triggered" me. Ugh.

I don't think your T would be upset by you saying that she sucks and that she is not nurturing, I think she would see this as transference and positive that you are feeling it and expressing it to her - it wouldn't be effective therapy if you didn't experience some of your difficult feelings in your relationship with her or if you hid them. I imagine it is satisfying for T's when clients experience them and express them - it shows they have built an effective relationship with us. I too find it hard to 'keep' things for a week until the next session. I can't think of a solution, I just seem to have to live with it. I tell myself it is a stable relationship and Everything I say is ok. Perhaps it is hard got T's too - perhaps they sometimes wonder if clients are stewing over things they said, perhaps they sometimes question afterwords things they said and wonder if the client misunderstood?

[Soccer mom]

It was good for you to point out that maybe T's have regrets too. I've never thought about that. I think the big underlying feeling is insecurity. I usually don't have this with other people so it just shows how important she has become to me.

[Sawyerr]

I am in a very similar situation with my T. Lately it feels like she's frustrated with me for not trusting her still and for not being able to tell her things (I keep a lot to myself). Also she got colder and pushed me away big time! I, as you, feel longing and miss her and want to fix things, so she could act like she did before but all I do is act in a way that it will really make her frustrated, angry,.. I am acting in a way that she would terminate me - it would kill me if that happened...

I can't really offer you any advice or anything but I just wanted to say I understand.
*hugs*