[ThisWayOut]

today T brought up tapering off to every other week starting this week. We will be ending at the end of December. Between the ending and the holidays, I'm guessing she is thinking every other week will be a good plan. That leaves us with 3 sessions... We still have not talked about who I see next (whether I can transition to someone within the agency or I will have to find another agency), and I never manage to have the courage to bring it up before the end of the session, so not talking about it is totally my fault.
But anyway, the impending loss of T hit me hard again as I was leaving her office today... I hate that I get myself so attached.
On the plus side, I showed her "work-in-progress" pics of the painting I am doing for her (without telling her who it's intended for), and she mentioned wanting to buy it when it was done. I told her it wasn't for sale and she kinda frowned, then I told her she wouldn't have to buy it because it was made for her anyway. She didn't reject the idea, and she mentioned liking it without prompting or knowing it was for her. One of the reasons I didn't want to originally tell her I was making it for her was because I didn't want her to tell me she can't/wont accept gifts. I figured if I just brought it in one session and left it with her, she'd have to hang on to it until she realized that I would refuse to take it home with me... At least this way I no longer have to worry about that.
Anyway, so yeah. My happy-go-lucky-denial was brought to a grinding halt today. Ugh. And I miss T already just in knowing that I won't see her for two weeks (trying to be good and not call to schedule next week though she left the option open). I was so hoping to avoid this again before I moved, but clearly it's not in the cards. :/

[Ad Intra]

It's tough missing your T

[guilloche]

I agree... change is hard! Changing Ts... *oomph!*. So not fun or easy. I hope you can bring up the question of what you should do next though... I'd think having a plan might help ease some anxiety (it would for me). But I guess all the planning in the world doesn't make the "missing T" feeling go away... so I'm sorry you have to go through that.

I hope the next one is awesome enough to make the pain worth it!

[ThisWayOut]

I didn't sleep well last night worrying about this transition, so I tried to leave her a message asking if I would be continuing at the current agency or if I need to try to get on a wait-list for somewhere else. She's had voicemail issues for over a month now, an they are still not resolved. She doesn't go to that office for much anymore, so I am not sure how to contact her. I have a second number for her, but I have not been given permission to call it aside of the two times she asked me to call her there... I really need to know for planning purposes what will happen, but I guess I have to wait 2 more weeks. (Also, so much for being able to call her if I needed to see her next week. ugh...).

[RTerroni]

Sorry you are going through this, I have had this happen to me a number of times in the last few years.

[Asiablue]

I'm not sure what the use in tapering is with such an abrupt ending. It would be different if you'd seen her for years and you had like 6 months to a years notice of her leaving. But she was fairly new to you anyway and there hasn't been much notice at all of her leaving. To me you'd both be as well utilising the time you both have left together. Can you say that to her?

[ThingWithFeathers]

If you think it would help, I would take her up on the option of an extra session. It sounds like you have a lot to process with this ending. So glad your t likes you painting. What a beautiful parting gift!

[ThisWayOut]

I'm definitely running the gamut of emotions over this. The taper has me very confused. Generally you taper off if you're ending therapy all together, not if you are just switching therapists... I kinda want to take her up on the session offer, but I have no real way of contacting her. I gues maybe Monday I will try her vm again. if it doesn't work, I will leave a message with the office manager. I'm a bit confused about why the agency would suddenly be enforcing the three month cut off. I know my t is phasing into another agency, so I get why I can't see her anymore, but why make it like I can't continue at the agency?
I dunno. I think my confusion comes from my lack of ability to talk about it with her during session. I know endings really suck for me.I know I'm unconsciously (and maybe even consciously) trying to avoid the topic, but I really need to get questions answered.
Come to think of it, I wonder if the taper is because endings are so difficult... her leaving wad kinda unexpected as I was told she wasn't going to switch out before my move (though that was also back when I thought my move was in august).

[InRealLife45]

Why not get in as many sessions as you can afford while you've got her? Tapering down doesn't make any sense to me...? Why did she suggest that?

[ThisWayOut]

no idea... maybe because the holidays are coming up. tried to get a session in with her this week, but I have not heard back from her and the agency closes early tomorrow (I want to say noon?) and will be closed through next week... I was hoping to at least have heard back from her so I could ask what's next (so I can plan), and ask if we can shuffle times for next week. I have something else to do in that part of town and don't want to have to drive all the way back there 4 hours after I leave T (too much gas and travel time)... I think there was a third thing I wanted to ask her, but I can't remember what. Oh, I was going to ask permission to call her on her alternate number for scheduling purposes only (her vm not working at the office she never goes back to anymore makes things tough when trying to contact her).

I dunno. I had hoped I called in time yesterday to hear back from her, but aparently not (or the message didn't get to her). She poked all sorts of holes in my defenses the last time we spoke, so it's kinda ****** to be going 2 weeks now without a session and without a reliable way to get in contact with her about anything at all.

I think the holidays are getting to me already, and all the upcoming changes and reminders of unfavorable situations. :shrugs: I dunno... pms doesn't help, nor does the insomnia. :/