SI... what do I do?

***SH TRIGGER WARNING* **

SH for me has always been there but it was never something that was a major issue for me. Lately my sui ideation has been leaving me in crisis mode but I refuse to tell my T when it's happening. Long story short, I've been SHing to decrease my thoughts of sui. Lets just say I don't clean the object I use to SH before hand. I do bandage it up when I'm done but I think one may be infected? How do I know if there is a problem?

Hello brokenwarrior: One of the significant dangers with regard to cutting is, as I understand it, blood poisoning. And, of course, there is I presume also the danger of infection in general at the site of the cut. I would think the best thing to do is have the cut examined by a physician, if it appears to be infected. I'm sure this is a disturbing thought, because doing so will "out" you as being a person who has mental health issues & as being a cutter. But better that than to wait until you have a really serious infection to deal with.

I know, in my own case, I've had a few instances such as this over the years. I've never been a cutter. But I've found other ways to self harm. And, from time-to-time, I've had to seek medical attention &, in the process, endure the embarrassment of admitting to what I had been up to. I still cringe at the memory of a couple of these. But, in the long run, it was the correct thing to do. If you do have a cut that appears to be infected, I hope you can see your way clear to seek treatment before it becomes a real health concern. Perhaps there will be some other PC members who can offer you more specific advice. But the only way you're going to know for sure is to have the possibly infected cut looked at by a medical professional.

Definitely seek medical attention ASAP, even if it is embarrassing. Does your T know you are self-harming more than you used to and that you are using dirty utensils to do so? If not, send her an email or call her and let her know, and tell her that you are going to a doctor to get one looked at because you think it's infected. She needs to know.

Do a search for blood poisoning on google and it will bring you up lists of the symptoms and some pictures. Is it inflamed or pus-filled? Those are not good signs.
I would suggest dunking the implement in rubbing alcohol or wiping it down.
Have you found discussing it with the therapist to be useful? If so, then that could help. Some of them freak out and try to make what they call "contracts" and stuff like that which I find just plain silly.

Definitely get it looked at. But typical signs of infection include pus, inflamed skin, discolored discharge. You don't want the wound to heal around an infection. Plus the infection could spread. Best to be on the safe side.

At my session yesterday I told her that my self harm is getting worse. Usually I do it on my hip, that way no one will notice and my T doesn't ask to see them. She does not know that the object I use it not clean. This past week I did cut on my wrist and she did get me to tell her that and she asked to see those. The one I'm worried about is one my wrist but it was a fresh cut yesterday when she saw it. It's hard for me to contact her a tell her.

It's inflamed and it is more painful then most of my cuts are. I don't see any pus but the scab looks weird. Like if I pick at it pus might come out? I agree, verbal contracts are silly, it doesn't mean a thing to me. I'm in one for sui and I do it because I believe it gives my T some peace.

Research shows that there is actually little to no benefit to non-SI contracts. It is also shown that hospitalization should only be used in emergency. And telling someone to stop doesn't help.

What does help are emergency plans and coping skills. But coping skills need to be practiced everyday, even when there is no crisis because it hepps develop a new habbit that will one day override the SI.

I agree with the research. I don't have a emergency plan and my coping skill include my SH and ED.... not exactly what coping skills should be but for now it has to do until I am more stable to use healthy coping skills.

Well, if you just did it yesterday, wait a day or two. You just may have cut deeper than the others, so it's healing differently. If it starts swelling a lot, and the red around it gets bigger, or red streaks start forming down your hand or arm, or it starts to get pus or fluid or you get a fever, go to the ER.