I dread talking about this in therapy. Maybe that's because of my particular style of attachment which T would describe as 'insecure avoidant'.

But, for the first time this week, I allowed myself to talk about the 'we' in therapy, I owned up to using T in difficult situations as a Secure base, imagining her solid stance when I was in a difficult situation.

It's very scary talking about stuff like this for me. I guess because I expect rejection or worse, ridicule for ooening up.

[Crazy Hitch]

That's a huge step forward mouse.

Allow your T to help you through this process.

And thank you for opening up to us.

Take care.

[sideblinded]

Hi _Mouse

Way to go for opening up to your T. It isn't easy but if we are going to get anywhere in our recovery, then opening up is a needed thing. If a T ever rejects you, then you are not with the right T. They are not taught to reject clients but rather to build trust with their clients. Keep up the good work!

Best wishes

[tooski]

My T has also defined my attachment style as insecure avoidant. It's been kind of hellish trying to create even a basic attachment with him (a pro) let alone other regular people. Still struggling. Hang in there.

I think for me, the worse bit of this style of attachment, is the effect life has on me. It's not so much the detail of what's happening, it's the flashbacks to a time of non verbal existence when the world was a scary place and no one helped me with that... That abandonment feeling is a big fear...

[Soccer mom]

I could have written your post. My T. and I have never discussed my attachment to her. Ironically, last night in my session I read her a journal entry and stopped when I talked about my attachment to her - I couldn't go there but wanted to. I also am scared of the possible rejection or ridicule. I'm going to try to bring it up next session. It makes me sad that it's so hard for me when it should be so understandable.

I was emailing T today some more about this.... This is her reply as it might be of interest to others...

Dear ****

The thing about attachment is that you can follow a different style of attachment with other attachment figures. You do have some secure attachments in your life, including with me. That's how you can get to the point of telling me when things are wrong. Your primary attachment to your mother forms the basis of your internal world, but all the other attachments inform and affect it too. Attachment theorists call it an "internal working model" - and it's something that constantly gets revised.

Love,
*****

[Soccer mom]

Interesting from your T. That makes sense though because I have realized that I can be securely attached to some people and not to others. And, unfortunately, my T. falls into the "others" category probalby all stemming from my maternal transference due to my emotionally distant mother.

For me, having lost my first mother, when ever my adult children are going out, I'm full of fear they will be murdered.. Not return.... This part is very painful