It's 2 am. Thinking about upcoming session.

Ok, so around 10:30 PM, my husband went to sleep, and I was laying in bed, watching my favorite channel-- Court TV, of course. I was also eating some chocolate cupcakes that come three in a package. I had the package resting on my chest. Next thing I know, it's 2 AM, I still have all my makeup on, and I hear some crunching, like plastic wrap. I look down, and the freaking cupcakes are still on my chest. So I get up, wash my face, take my meds, shove the rest of the cupcakes in my face (wasn't wasting those, even at this hour). and realize that I'm seeing T in 14 and a half hours. I have been planning the whole week to go in and be honest, telling him the whole thing about how I was mad because he didn't suggest extra sessions, when meanwhile I can't even fit them into my schedule. I want to tell him how I connected this to how I've acted in my relationship with my husband, and I want to tell him how therapy is working because before this, I never realized these connections-- I never thought before I acted on that type of anger, I just behaved. However, there is the other side of me, the side that doesn't think before I act on it-- the side that says, hey... even though you have thought so deeply on this, you still got mad at him, so act the part! I don't want to waste time acting mad at him. This is the first time I have ever recognized my pattern so deeply. I wanted to share this with him, it's just too bad that to do so, includes admitting something really embarassing, i.e. that I wanted to see him more than once per week, and when he didn't suggest it, I got mad. So this is what I'm planning on, and I really hope I can do it. Well, if you guys don't see me on here for awhile, you'll know I'm probably hiding under a large piece of furniture, and not coming out for a couple weeks.

Sidony-- I'm actually also worrying what I'm going to wear! It's 2-freaking-thirty in the morning, I have to wake up in four hours for work, and I'm worrying about what I'm going to wear to T. But it's raining. And it might change to sleet/snow. That makes the whole decision more difficult.

OK, that's it. I need to either get help or go back to bed, and since I obviously need to do both, I will start with going back to bed.

Hello PS.
I hope things go well with you today in therapy. Take care and good day. Soidhonia

Good luck, (((pinksoil)))! Hope the session goes well.

.........................."This is the first time I have ever recognized my pattern so deeply".............................

Pinksoil, yay! Good for you, you are identifying patterns in yourself and this is so hard!

Good luck with your session, however it goes.....you will grow, even if you need to hide first.

((((((((((((((((((((Pinksoil)))))))))))))))))))

Pinksoil, I'm learning a lot about myself through you

Good luck with your session. Oh and I love court tv, forensic files and american justice! I'm obsessed...

Eating chocolate cupcakes in bed while your husband is there! You must have a very good relationship! There's no way I would let my husband even see me eating chocolate cupcakes in bed or otherwise--but I'm overweight.

Hope your session went well. What did you wear?--Suzy

pinksoil!

Okay did you figure out what to wear?

I hope things went well for you in therapy. I've had plenty of nights where I was thinking about it at ridiculous hours, mostly because I woke up in the middle of the night. I hope you were able to tell him about being angry. I'm sure he won't mind that it isn't rational. It could make for a really good session.

On a side note, I liked when you mentioned the rain because I suddenly felt more connected with you. It was raining here too (with the possibility of turning to sleet). Virginia's not that far from Pennsylvania.... :-)

Damn I hated I missed a day or two of talking on here. I got insanely busy at work, blah.

Let us know how things went!
Sidony

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sidony said:
On a side note, I liked when you mentioned the rain because I suddenly felt more connected with you. It was raining here too (with the possibility of turning to sleet). Virginia's not that far from Pennsylvania.... :-)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Right after I typed this, I realized that this was the kind of thing I would never have said pre-therapy. You know, because god forbid I would say I felt any kind of connection with another human....

(FYI: I'm in therapy for difficulties with intimacy.)



Sidony

Hello fello Pennsylvanian!!! You are looking at another one and i havent felt so prideful of my state ..im away from home...moved across country!!! Hope your doing well!!! I miss PA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Philly huh...not to bad i think..i kinda like it there...alot of crime though in the cities...obvivously lol

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sidony said:
pinksoil!

Okay did you figure out what to wear?

I hope things went well for you in therapy. I've had plenty of nights where I was thinking about it at ridiculous hours, mostly because I woke up in the middle of the night. I hope you were able to tell him about being angry. I'm sure he won't mind that it isn't rational. It could make for a really good session.

On a side note, I liked when you mentioned the rain because I suddenly felt more connected with you. It was raining here too (with the possibility of turning to sleet). Virginia's not that far from Pennsylvania.... :-)

Damn I hated I missed a day or two of talking on here. I got insanely busy at work, blah.

Let us know how things went!
Sidony

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I have missed a lot of time talking on here, too! Mostly due to stuff with the closing of our new house this week.

Virginia's not far from Penn. at all! That's awesome that we were having the same weather.

Are you ready for the most pathetic thing in the entire world? Ok, here it goes. On Friday, the weather got really bad. We ended up getting an ice storm. So in the afternoon, the ice and sleet was coming down like crazy, making driving extremely dangerous. My work agency even closed early. So I had therapy at 5 o'clock. So what did I do? Instead of going straight home, head to the store to buy a new shirt, of course. In the middle of a dangerous ice storm, in which the news was advising that people say off the road, I go and buy new clothes for therapy. What is wrong with me?

You know what's even worse? (As if you could think of anything more pitiful.) As I have said before, my T follows a pretty strict psychoanalytical model, in the sense of no self-disclosure, and absolutely no comments on the way I look, etc. (My first T was female and she'd comment on my clothes all the time, my 2nd T was male I remember this one particular time that I had a pink silk flower in my hair, and he said that he really liked it, that he thought it was a nice touch for me.). My current T will make no comments at all on the way I look. Well, up until a few days ago, I had really long, dark hair, past the middle of my back. So on Wed., I had a salon appt., and I got like 6 inches or so cut, and got a really cool, layered, choppy cut, where the longest part goes just about an inch below my shoulders. I also got some really funky highlights, where my hair is mostly very dark with some bleach blonde highlights underneath, and some thin red streaks on the top. I look like a completely different person. So my T says nothing about it. And of course it completely annoys me, but this is beyond embarassing, and I would never admit this to him, never.

OMG, pinksoil, I had this same thing happen about a month ago! I had really, really long hair, all one length, and got it cut in layers to above my shoulders, like pageboy length or so. I looked really different. T did not even notice. And my guy is not the psychoanalytic sort. He's humanist for God's sake! I guess my new haircut must have really looked bad so he didn't comment--you know, don't say anything if you can't say something nice. It so sucks to hang on their every word, doesn't it?

BTW, pinksoil, I think your new hair sounds very cool, especially the highlights. (((hugs)))

I don't think they opt not to comment because they think we look awful. Every single person who saw me thought it was a great haircut/color. I think he chose not to say anything because he just didn't want to take the chance of making any sort of comment on my physical appearance and run the risk of me interpreting it in a certain way. But it still annoyed the crap out of me.

And thank you for the compliment, Sun.

Wow, yea I think i would not have liked my t not noticing....something that obvious.

My t always says things about my hair........but then again she is trying to get me to accept compliments.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
I have missed a lot of time talking on here, too! Mostly due to stuff with the closing of our new house this week.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Congrats on the house!!!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Virginia's not far from Penn. at all! That's awesome that we were having the same weather.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">



</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Are you ready for the most pathetic thing in the entire world? Ok, here it goes. On Friday, the weather got really bad. We ended up getting an ice storm. So in the afternoon, the ice and sleet was coming down like crazy, making driving extremely dangerous. My work agency even closed early. So I had therapy at 5 o'clock. So what did I do? Instead of going straight home, head to the store to buy a new shirt, of course. In the middle of a dangerous ice storm, in which the news was advising that people say off the road, I go and buy new clothes for therapy. What is wrong with me?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I totally understand. I'd probably even do it myself. YOu are not alone!!!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
You know what's even worse? (As if you could think of anything more pitiful.) As I have said before, my T follows a pretty strict psychoanalytical model, in the sense of no self-disclosure, and absolutely no comments on the way I look, etc. (My first T was female and she'd comment on my clothes all the time, my 2nd T was male I remember this one particular time that I had a pink silk flower in my hair, and he said that he really liked it, that he thought it was a nice touch for me.). My current T will make no comments at all on the way I look. Well, up until a few days ago, I had really long, dark hair, past the middle of my back. So on Wed., I had a salon appt., and I got like 6 inches or so cut, and got a really cool, layered, choppy cut, where the longest part goes just about an inch below my shoulders. I also got some really funky highlights, where my hair is mostly very dark with some bleach blonde highlights underneath, and some thin red streaks on the top. I look like a completely different person. So my T says nothing about it. And of course it completely annoys me, but this is beyond embarassing, and I would never admit this to him, never.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Your hair sounds way cool!!! His not mentioning it would definitely bug me too. My therapist doesn't make many comments about appearances though he has complimented me on a necklace before. And once -- when we were talking about how I don't always know what I care about -- he asked me if I was aware that I care about my appearance (since I obviously do). I decided to interpret that as a compliment.

The highlights sound too cool.

Later, Sidony

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
I don't think they opt not to comment because they think we look awful. Every single person who saw me thought it was a great haircut/color. I think he chose not to say anything because he just didn't want to take the chance of making any sort of comment on my physical appearance and run the risk of me interpreting it in a certain way. But it still annoyed the crap out of me.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
My T sounds like yours only she was a female and I asked mine why she didn't comment on moods, expressions, dress, "new" stuff, etc. and she confessed she wasn't necessarily very good at noticing or interpreting body expressions and preferred "words". She was a very matter-of-fact person and not into "conversation" about the weather since that wasn't what therapy was about; she wanted to do the work is all :-) I never felt I got the once-over or anything from her (even when I wore bedroom slippers to therapy, I had to bring them up. Another time I brought a bright afghan/lap robe, same thing, I had to start the talking about them.) Sometime you should point blank ask him :-) "Do you like my hair?"

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Perna said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
I don't think they opt not to comment because they think we look awful. Every single person who saw me thought it was a great haircut/color. I think he chose not to say anything because he just didn't want to take the chance of making any sort of comment on my physical appearance and run the risk of me interpreting it in a certain way. But it still annoyed the crap out of me.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
My T sounds like yours only she was a female and I asked mine why she didn't comment on moods, expressions, dress, "new" stuff, etc. and she confessed she wasn't necessarily very good at noticing or interpreting body expressions and preferred "words". She was a very matter-of-fact person and not into "conversation" about the weather since that wasn't what therapy was about; she wanted to do the work is all :-) I never felt I got the once-over or anything from her (even when I wore bedroom slippers to therapy, I had to bring them up. Another time I brought a bright afghan/lap robe, same thing, I had to start the talking about them.) Sometime you should point blank ask him :-) "Do you like my hair?"

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I'm wondering if he would comment if I showed up in something that might indicate pathology. Or just something that was totally off the wall. What if I wore those glasses that are attached to a rubber nose and mustache? You know, just walked in the room wearing them, calmly sat down, and proceeded into the session.

Back when I lived in NY, I had an appointment with my pdoc, and it happened to be on Halloween. Well, I walk into his office and he's wearing one of those enormous Cat-in-the-Hat hats... you know, the striped ones that stand up like 3 ft. tall. Well, I refused to say anything about it. So we went through the whole session, me being my cold, standoffish self, and him wearing a 3-foot hat.

And who needs the medication? lol

I had this hair discussion in the back of my mind today when I went to therapy. Yes, T ignored my haircut a month ago. But today, for the first time ever, he commented on something I was wearing. He liked my shoes! He commented on them two separate times. LOL. I wore some kind of funky, casual shoes. Usually I go straight from work to therapy so have on more conservative shoes, but today I came from home and put on my happy shoes, as I like to think of them. I tend to wear them when I am happy. T noticed immediately. First thing he said to me when he saw me.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
Back when I lived in NY, I had an appointment with my pdoc, and it happened to be on Halloween. Well, I walk into his office and he's wearing one of those enormous Cat-in-the-Hat hats... you know, the striped ones that stand up like 3 ft. tall. Well, I refused to say anything about it. So we went through the whole session, me being my cold, standoffish self, and him wearing a 3-foot hat.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I love this story! Sounds like something I might have done myself in the past if I'd been given the opportunity. Though now I'm sure I'd react a lot more and comment on things.

In my early days of seeing my therapist, he asked me at the end of the session why I hadn't commented on his being hoarse that day. And I had to think about the fact that I wouldn't want to make anyone feel like I actually noticed that something was wrong with them that day.

Man oh man but therapy makes you learn about yourself....

Sidony