Checking out my options

I'm at work so I can't write much, but I need to get this out in the open. I really like my T, and I really trust her to have my best interest at heart. But I've been stuck for over a year now and keep getting worse... To the point where Suicide starts looking like a long term option again.

I know I need to change something but I don't really know what to do. Changing T/Pdoc,getting hospitalized, looking for a trauma T, fake a suicide attempt to get more help? I'm really at my wits end and don't know what to do....

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Have you been honest with your T/pdoc? If not, that would be the starting place. If you have been telling them everything and they are not helping things then I would look for new one(s). A change in meds may be required. I know with me meds quit working after a while and I have to change. Do not attempt a fake suicide, that could get you killed. There is hope. I only recently came out of a deep depression where I was suicidal. Hang in there but speak up for yourself.

T/Pdoc is the same person and yes I have been honest. Problem is she believes working on the deep issues isn't an option as long as I live with my mother. But I need a full time job to move out and don't get one because of my issues. Basically the snake keeps biting it's tail as we say here...

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I can sort of see her point about working on trauma while you're still in the same house. Is it absolutely essential that you work full time in order to move out? Can you get a rental with one or two other roommates to share expenses?

..and yet, on the other hand, she also expressed some frustration with your downward spiral (if I remember correctly), so there are issues there, not the least of which is feeling suicidal. The only way to know for sure which is the right thing to do (get a new pdoc/therapist or move out) is to do one of those two things and see if it helps. I'm thinking getting out of that house is pretty important for your mental health.

Rent is crazily expensive here, and I've applied to all shelters and group homes I could find. None would take me unless I work full time.
Yesterday day towards the end of the session she looked so sadly at me and muttered: what are we going to do with you? And all I could do was whisper: I do try, I swear. I've never been this close to breaking down in front of her before. And at the same time I feel so helpless

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I think I'd probably find a plain ol' T. I find having my PDoc and T separate can be helpful. Is that an option? A T might be more willing to work on issues. Plus, you might be able to learn some helpful coping skills for the situation you're in.

If I find another T I'll have to leave her completely. Not saying it can't be done, but a huge step into the unknown.
I've done DBT with her, and have learned many coping skills. I would be much worse off otherwise

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If I find another T I'll have to leave her completely. Not saying it can't be done, but a huge step into the unknown.
I've done DBT with her, and have learned many coping skills. I would be much worse off otherwise

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I'm sorry I didn't update more last night, but I worked overtime and was really tired. Anyway I've made some research and as I thought private T's are not covered by insurance here, so that route is out of question. So what's left is community health centres or another Pdoc who also does therapy. I haven't yet found any Pdoc's website to get any info on them.
I've checked the community health centres and most either have Pdocs but are not specialized in trauma, or they're specialized in trauma but have no Pdoc on their staff.

I really have no idea what to do... feeling so stuck with no real option available.