[VioletBubble]

Hi everyone...I'm new here, and have been reading the boards every day. I plan on finding a T soon. But I have a lot of questions and concerns about starting therapy, and as I get closer to looking for a T, the more concerned I get.

One question I have is that in reading these boards, I've noticed that many people say it took a long time before they opened up to their T. I'm afraid that I'm going be the exact opposite, and when I meet with a new T, I'll basically just SPEW my emotions, sadness, pain all over them in the first meeting. I don't think I'll be able to do anything but that. I already burst into tears on a daily basis, multiple times a day, and when I think about starting therapy and actually talking to someone, I immediately start to cry again. As much as I'd like to temper my emotions when I first start therapy, it's just not going to happen.

I had a therapy session as a teenager where I did just that--got upset and cried during the first session. The T was taken aback. Then she proceeded to tell that what I was upset about shouldn't be upsetting to me at all. And not in a supportive way, but in a 'what is wrong with you' kind of way (I still--decades later--question if there was something wrong with me for being so bothered by what was going on, even though it still upsets me to this day). She also could not remember my name during the session, and when I went back the second time, she repeatedly used an entirely different name again (even though I kept correcting her). Didn't bother to go back a third time. So maybe she just wasn't a good T.

So...is being upset okay? Or will I just be making a horrible first impression? It seems to me that it's better to get to know the T a bit first and see if you can click with them and can trust them. But I don't think I'll be able to keep it together long enough to do that. I've been hoping that I will just be able to "cry it out" between now and when I start therapy, but I'm not getting anywhere with that idea.

[Leah123]

Being upset is wonderful!

I know it doesn't feel good, but it's going to help the therapist understand what matters most to you, where you're really at in life, and that will give him or her so much opportunity to effectively help you.

Being open is an asset, not a liability.

However, what I would do, to calm your anxiety, is let your potential therapists know about this via email (or phone) when you are scheduling first interviews.

Also, being emotional isn't the same as trusting deeply: that's another necessary part of the work that will happen over time. Some of us just need that trust established before we do the whole crying thing. Don't worry, there's no wrong way to do it- show up and be kind to yourself and honest, that's my advice if you want it.

(P.S. Yeah, that therapist was not showing off the profession in a good light. A qualified, caring therapist isn't going to start minimizing your upset when you walk in the door, nor will they blow your name, which is just a basic, fundamental sign of respect!)

[HazelGirl]

A T who tells you that your feelings are wrong is an idiot and shouldn't be returned to. Your T was wrong. Whether it would be upsetting to her, or from her perspective shouldn't matter. If it's important to you, then it's important to you.

And it's totally okay to just go in and cry. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I think it was maybe my 3rd session with current t when I just sat there and cried and said well now you are seeing the real me are you sure you want to deal with me? Or something like that. I do not regret it. Jumpin right in with both feet worked well for me, I felt an almost immediate connection with her and was so emotionally ready for therapy I trusted her right away I guess.....

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I'd like to echo what Leah said about "being emotional isn't the same as trusting deeply." I cried at just about every session, but I did not open up very much and had a hard time trusting.

Also, I don't think it's very likely that you would make a horrible first impression by being open; if it does, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit and find a competent therapist who isn't reactionary or who minimizes your emotions.

[healed84]

I think some people are just ready to let it all out and that is why the seek therapy.. So, for you to let it all out, and cry.. is more than ok. I am sure that there are things, that won't come out right away that you won't feel comfortable sharing right away either. You go at your own pace. Also, just so you aren't shocked.. The first sessions with most Ts are a lot of questions, getting to know you type stuff.. So, don't be surprised if there doesn't seem like an opening to let it all out. Don't worry it will come!

[precaryous]

A good therapist will meet you where you are. You control therapy. You control what issues you want to present and the speed you want to process them.

I was a little like you describe - I first went to therapy with certain history that I wanted to give her and basically cried through the whole thing. But there were additional issues that cause(d) me deep regret, grief and shame that I held onto a long time before I trusted she might be able to handle knowing about them.

[Beachlover527]

I started therapy and I wasn't even sharing personal information except just telling her I've been feeling down for a few years and cried immediately. Every session I had (6) I always ended up crying. I don't want to because I get red and it's just annoying. She told me to not hold back or bottle up my emotions in the room and to let them out.
It depends on how comfortable you feel with your therapist. I am impulsive sometimes and say too much to people. With the therapist, I am relaxed and I just say whatever is on my mind or what bothers me. I haven't told her stuff I've done that I am ashamed of. I don't think we are on that level yet. But so far I have been just telling her things that bother me without spilling everything I think of.
Make sure they are a good therapist and once you think you can trust him/her, try to open up little by little. The more you tell him/her, the more they will understand you which leads to more specific tips to help you.
I cry all the time and I don't like it but it ends up happening. She tells me it's my body's way of indicating something is not right. She said just like a cut you get. It needs to bleed to heal.
We need to cry to let out whatever we hold within us. I hope to have a session where I am well enough to not cry once. Lol! My last session (7th time meeting with her) I didn't bawl so that's an improvement! I held it back though... But at least I was powerful enough to not let it flow.
Good luck to you and I hope you can heal ))

[ThingWithFeathers]

If you can be that open with your T, I say go for it! I wish I could be more open with my T. The more open you are, the more T's can assist.

[Partless]

If you show up and feel like crying, cry, and if don't feel like it, don't cry. I don't think either matters. Therapists are used to people crying. Perhaps that bad experience with your first therapist has made you doubt yourself.

If you are going in there and opening up immediately, it means the issue is right on the surface and bothering you very much. You're glad to have the help, to have someone listen to you. I can imagine it may feel uncomfortable, especially with a stranger on your first visit. But like I said, therapists are used to this.

And my recommendation is that you and someone close to you, check out the person's credentials and so forth, before you go for your first visit. I think crying can make you feel vulnerable and to hear someone disapprove of it or not take you serious or whatever, especially on the first visit and just when you feeling most self conscious, can be even traumatic. So do your homework before you go in there. And don't let one bad experience stop you from going forward. But once you know the therapist is decent, go in there and express your emotions. And good luck.

[nicoleflynn]

ALL of your feelings are valid. SImply be yourself.

[Abe Froman]

Being upset is perfectly okay. I hit a home run out of the park my first session. What I mean is I went all in and gave her everything I could in that hour. It was deep stuff that I desperately needed to say out loud to someone. In a later session I asked if I had done something wrong, she said no. Also, your T should be okay with you doing that, if not, need to find one that is okay with it. They are trained professionals, they should be able to handle it. Plus, it's why you're going to therapy.

So be yourself. Say what you need to say and how you need to say it. Best of luck to you.

[VioletBubble]

Im sorry Im so very late coming back to this thread, but I wanted to thank you all for your support and insight! I greatly appreciate it and it made all the difference in gathering the courage to start therapy. I started therapy last week and have my second session tonight.

The distinction between being emotional and trusting deeply is very helpful, and makes perfect sense. Knowing that I could just go with the flow and cry if I needed to really helped. And that I could open up as little or as much as I was comfortable with. Leah123, I took your advice and asked the (prospective, at the time) T if she was comfortable with a client who cried a lot. She emailed back that she was. I demonstrated my concern when I called her to set up an appointment--she asked what my main issues were and I started crying on the phone. Didn't expect to cry at that moment, but she handled it well.

At my first session, I just babbled and cried on and off for the whole session. I could tell she was trying really hard to keep up with all that I was saying. I think I overwhelmed her a bit, but she was trying not to let show.

At the end, I apologized for all the crying. I don't remember what she said, but it was supportive and decent. The fifty-minute session felt so short! I was able to go into one major issue I have, and only said a sentence or two about the other major issue, but Im going to bring that up tonight. This is the biggie, the real reason Im there, so Im quite nervous.

Again, thank you all, and I hope therapy is going well for each of you.
PS. please forgive the lack of apostrophes--keyboard problems.

[LostSoul6]

Ive only had one session and have cried and let a lot of things out. I cant talk about it without getting upset so its definitely something i need to address.
I realised i needed therapy some months ago and started on my own account, so i guess im ready and willing to let my guard down.