For the last few months t has said in my sessions that she didn't know how to support me. At first I appreciated her honesty but now it worries me as it's being said more regularly. Yesterday I just walked out of my session because I don't want to have to pay for this when she doesn't know how to support me

[sideblinded]

Hi monalisasmile

Wow, what a thing to say to a client. I don't know your relationship with your T but I guess the T does not feel comfortable with their expertise in helping your specific issues. I agree that this is difficult to hear. I am sorry that you had that happen to you. We hire them and if we feel they are not helping us or basically say what your T said, then you know you have the right to fire them. So.... good that you exercised your right to do this. I'm sure that it does not feel that good but find someone who will be able to understand you and give you what you need.

The one positive thing about this is that she was at least honest. Maybe that was a good thing in the long run to save you time and money.

Best wishes!

[RTerroni]

Sorry that is happening to you, I feel like I have had that happen to me with Therapists in the past.

[Petra5ed]

Did she explain in any way or just says "I don't know how to support you." You need to ask her what the F that means, maybe more info would help. For example is she asking you to tell her what you need? Is she saying she's tried all her techniques on you and none are working?

She doesn't ask what I need, when I go quiet and Don talk she says this but then I shut down even more because I feel if a t can't help me, who can

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

She doesn't ask what I need, when I go quiet and Don talk she says this but then I shut down even more because I feel if a t can't help me, who can

Maybe you need to start with telling her how you feel about her saying this. I know my T was on a kick for awhile where he'd ask me what I needed from him and I'd say "I dunno."

I walked out one day but I still had to pay!

[stopdog]

I simply had to tell the woman to stop doing some things and to start doing other things.

[precaryous]

I would want to know what she means by "I don't know how to support you."
Is she asking you what you need from her?
Is she saying "My real-life crap is impinging on my ability to be a good T?"
Is she saying the issues you bring to therapy are beyond her expertise?
Is she saying she's about to refer you on...or terminate you?
Is this a temporary situation?

I need a lot of support...maybe you don't....but I would be thinking this means i need to interview new Ts.

[sideblinded]

Originally Posted by precaryous

I would want to know what she means by "I don't know how to support you."
Is she asking you what you need from her?
Is she saying "My real-life crap is impinging on my ability to be a good T?"
Is she saying the issues you bring to therapy are beyond her expertise?
Is she saying she's about to refer you on...or terminate you?
Is this a temporary situation?

I need a lot of support...maybe you don't....but I would be thinking this means i need to interview new Ts.

These are some really insightful questions.

Thanks for this.

Thank you everyone for the thoughtful replies. I guess I am not wanting to quit with t yet as it's been almost a year working with her. I wish I knew what she means by it but I guess I won't know till I ask her. I guess yesterday she was pissed with me because she recommended a training I go on that she had been on and I hated it. I didn't have anything good to say and she sat there blankly and said, have you nothing positive to say? I said no, so she said I don't know how to support you now.

[sidney1771]

Therapy isn't a 1-sided deal. It is pretty hard to help accomplish something with a person if you don't talk much. It's good that you tried the training she suggested, but not finding one little, teeny, tiny thing at all that you liked must have been frustrating for T and for you, because now what? The two of you, especially you, need to give T more guidance to work with. It's like asking a carpenter to build you a house with no blueprints or building materials. You'd never do that. Give T something to work with.

[stopdog]

I expect a therapist to handle their frustration, should they have any, on their own and not take it out on me. I actually do not care if the therapist is frustrated or not.

[Asiablue]

A lot of therapists aren't comfortable with the silences when a client refuses to speak or clams up. my ex-t used to hate it- probably why I did it sometimes! She also used to say she didn't know how to help me or that she felt a bit useless because I wouldn't let her in, that I pushed her away.
I think you do need to clarify what she meant, I'd imagine she meant that she's unable to help you in the moments you refuse to let her in or tell her what's happening for you. But it would be good to find out for sure what she meant by that.

Therapists really need to get comfortable with the silences though! Mine used to say it was ok to come in and just "Be" that I didn't need to talk if I didn't feel like it. And then when I came in in those moods, she talked talked talked and told me she felt pushed away lol us clients can't win sometimes.

I only stopped talking because she wasn't saying anything and because she was trying to get me to take responsibility for bit allowing myself to enjoy the training. I am really going off gestalt after doing the training. It cost me a lot of money and t didn't like me criticising her beloved training and trainers but I seen lots of things that alarmed me. It wasn't just me others were alarmed too but t was trying to say that I was being negative and that she couldn't support me in what I was saying. I guess there is a big conflict of interest tgere.

[Asiablue]

I don't know that there is a conflict of interest? Just because you didn't like the training doesn't mean you can't have therapy with this therapist does it? And you're both allowed to disagree.

[unaluna]

Did you talk with her about what you and others found alarming? That would probably be an uncomfortable conversation, but i think its more important just to get used to HAVING these uncomfortable conversations, rather than putting an end to them, which i would say is more how our parents treated us. Or how we had to feel or react if we wanted to keep living with our parents - just put that thought out of our minds.

My insight for the week was that my family didnt care how i felt. Period. Didnt care if i was cold, didnt care if i was sleepy or hungry or if my teeth hurt, or if i wanted to get married or if i was safe or anything. All they cared about was if i obeyed.

It is a conflict of interest because she is one of the trainers on this training course Asia.
Hanks terms I kno how it is when your family doesn't care, it's a tough job just to survive all alone in the world. I think u will try have that conversation with t because I need to say it

[Asiablue]

Sorry, I thought you meant there was a conflict of interest with your therapy because you didn't like the course?