Neediness

I could write a book about the things I really despise about myself, but one of those things is NEEDINESS. Does anyone else feel this way, and do you feel you have lost people in your life because of it? I do. And I still worry about it, if I have a good thing going, being afraid I'll do something to screw it up. I've lost my fair share of people in my life. And I always felt like it was because I felt a bit too clingy with them, and it's not that they pushed me away, but I'd eventually push them away, because the neediness hurt too much. It started a lifetime ago when I was in school...I would attach myself to teachers and other maternal figures, just to feel I was probably driving them nuts, so I'd push them away before they had the opportunity to do the same to me. Depression and former trauma in a person's life can sure make for a lonely existence....

I used to feel this way as well, but now I do not. I feel good when I am needy because it tells me that I have room to grow, and room to heal.

When we say trauma, everybody thinks of one thing, but then they also consciously resist accepting the more simple traumas, because they feel that maybe they're just being too needy. It's sad that there is a stereotype around that. A child is immensely delicate, trauma is not defined on the same scale as for an adult, who has much better ability to cope. Often it can be the slightest traumas that build on themselves and ultimately cause the most damage, because being empathic with ourselves about them gets so powerfully resisted, especially in a culture that just says, move on.

One thing you might find is that the more you despise your neediness, the more you are proving its presence valid. A lot of people find it really unacceptable to be needy, because it is, reasonably, frightening. But, then they can't see those needs for what they are, and carry them further into the future. It's about avoidance of the truth that is carried in your heart. Nobody learns to despise something about themselves, from inside. It was always internalized from somewhere else, and only because it needed to be, not because you are bad or wrong in anyway. It's what helped you survive. Your needs are not bad! You just have been made to feel that way. And that is not your fault.