Why do I want to tell T. something difficult?

I have something really difficult to tell my T. I've tried and never really tell her enough to get all of the feelings out.

The interesting thing is that I don't really HAVE to tell her. Well, I guess none of us have to tell everything. And, when I get comfortable with the thought of not "going there", a part of me seems to put it back at the front of my mind. It's like part of me is saying "NOOOOO" and the other part is telling me I should tell her.

I guess I keep asking myself if I really HAVE to tell her. Why do I WANT to tell her? Why do I want to share something so difficult when I can go through therapy without ever mentioning it?

I wonder if something deep within me thinks it's that important?

I had something like that and it took 7-8 years before I "accidentally" told her enough that she was guessing in the wrong direction and I realized I either had to set her straight or there was no point in my seeing her, therapy would all be a "lie". I set her straight and was really really surprised, pleased, relieved, etc. at her response. See if your problems don't come from how you think the other person will respond. We can't know until we tell them and see.

I find that the difficult things to talk about or the things we don't want to talk about, are the things we need to talk about. Most of the easy things can be discussed and processed with friends or loved ones. The difficult things we tend to hold onto and keep a secret. Maybe ask yourself what makes that thing so difficult to talk about? And whatever your answer is is why you should talk about it.

But I do empathize with you. I hate talking about difficult things.

She's got to see inconsistencies in what I'm saying. I'll say one thing and then something will slip out that's a little different. But, she's not pushing and she said she will never guess. I would love for her to so I could just say yes or no. And, you're right, I am totally projecting how I THINK she wil react. She has pointed this out several times. I assume she's going to react one way and I'm usually wrong.

A quote I heard once was "if it's not a big deal, there's no harm talking about it" I told that to T and she repeats it when I try to minimize how I feel. So I know it doesn't apply 100% here because you know this is a difficult thing my point is that if you don't HAVE to say it to be cured then what is the harm in saying it/emailing it? Take its power away to keep reminding you its there.

I hope this made sense.

how are you doing? did you tell her?