[PaulaS]

I realise the depth in therapy can vary quite a lot and I got the notion that not every T is enough specialised in attachment issues and trauma caused by for exampe prematurely termination of earlier therapy.

Is there some kind of skill boundary between those handling issues around anxiety, having problems with a partner and so on and those handling issues around attachment and traumas? It kind of seems like many problems around bad terminations stems from the T not being capable of handle being attached to and that clients act out because of lacking trust in people in general and so on.

Many T:s manage very well to discuss specific problems but when the problem stems from deeply rooted actions patterns from the clients childhood, many T:s seem incapable of handling this.

You shouldn´t have to spend a lot of money and time at a psychoanalyst to be able to work through childhood issues or have you?

[guilloche]

Unfortunately, I think attachment stuff... and any of the stuff that stems from us being really young, takes a long time to fix by its nature. It's deep rooted, and it is laid in place when we're so young - it really gets put in place when we're just forming our initial understanding of the world, so all our most basic ways of understanding the world get screwed up (that's what it feels like to me, anyway!)

It makes me sad too, and I don't think very many Ts know how to deal with it effectively, or have their own stuff figured out well-enough to be able to cope with ours. That's just my experience after seeing lots and lots of Ts that should have been good (well respected, ethical, smart, and often recommended by others) who very much let me down.

Even now, I'm not sure my current T is going to be able to help. So far, he's better in some ways (so much less defensive than the others, which is really helping me!) but... I don't know how I can know if he can help, even after six months. It's a constant struggle for me.

I'm sorry that you've had such a rough time with therapy as well, and with finding a competent therapist who can stand by you and help. I wish it were easier, for all of us, I really do. I'm envious of people who find good Ts quickly, know that they are good Ts, and can afford to continue seeing them for as long as needed. It feels like, in therapy, the deck is sort of stacked against us and that it requires a bit of luck to manage to land in the right place.

Do you ever read the blog "Tales of a Boundary Ninja" = Tales of a Boundary Ninja | Insights about therapy and life learned the hard way ? She's been in long-term therapy with an amazing therapist who is very skilled at working with attachment, I often find her perspectives helpful and interesting.

[JustShakey]

If there's a way to find a T who can really handle this deep stuff I don't know of it. I think maybe the only way to do it is to start by learning skills - mindfulness, DBT, etc., so you can contain yourself enough to not trigger the T's issues and wind up being retraumatized by their sh^t. I know it sucks - Ts should be able to handle our issues, but far too many of them cannot, and we have to learn to protect ourselves if we are to find healing.

[scorpiosis37]

My T is FANTASTIC at doing attachment work. She's a social worker who practices psychotherapy. She says her approach is paychodynamic and "eclectic." Attachment is not listed as her speciality. She actuly specializes in eating disorders and working with LGBT clients (as she is LGBT herself). I chose her because I'm LGBT. I don't think its her training that makes her an excellent therapist; I think it's the connection that we've built over time. While attachment is something I'm working on, boundaries were never an issue for me. She's willing to talk about anything and go deep with me because she knows I will always respect any boundaries she sets and I always stick around to talk through any difficulties or misunderstandings that arise. There have been 2 times that she has done something that upset me, but I waited to talk to her about it in person and i told her how it made me feel without "accusing" her of anything. It took some time, but we worked it out and now have a stronger relationship because of it.

My T has said that she has terminated clients before, but it was because the client broke her boundaries (after warnings) or because she felt she could no longer help the client.

[rainbow8]

My current and 5th T, in my opinion, is the only one who has treated my attachment issues in a helpful way. The others did it by the book, and didn't let me experience the secure feeling of attachment that I have with my T. Their orientations were too rigid and they left me frustrated.

It's not just the touching that is helping me. It's the way my T has made it safe for me to accept all the baby and child feelings I have for her. It's hard to put into words. It hasn't been easy; it's taken 5 years but I now feel like I'm making up what I missed as an infant and child. My T is here for me in a way my mother wasn't. I am securely attached to her, which is giving me the ability to do without her. Ts orientation is mind/body work: somatic experiencing, EMDR, mindfulness, and Internal Family Systems.

[Lauliza]

I don't think there are many, if any, Ts that can"fix" attachment issues. By nature you're only diagnosed with attachment disorders as a child. At that stage things can change with a proper home environment and perhaps therapy.

As an adult you'll have developed an attachment style and in some cases an unresolved attachment disorder may morph into a personality disorder. Many Ts can treat these issues but I doubt any can really fix them. What they can do is help you identify the possible root causes and then work on what you can do now to improve your relationships and quality of life. That's been my take on it anyway.

[PaulaS]

I thought of another aspect of attachment issues, how "severe" they are and if that also plays a role in whether a T will be able to treat you or not. Of course, a matter very hard to determine.

As you don´t know if your current T will be able to help you, have you told him this or perhaps asked him some questions around it?

I haven´t read the blog you wrote about but I will, thanks for the tip.

Originally Posted by guilloche

Unfortunately, I think attachment stuff... and any of the stuff that stems from us being really young, takes a long time to fix by its nature. It's deep rooted, and it is laid in place when we're so young - it really gets put in place when we're just forming our initial understanding of the world, so all our most basic ways of understanding the world get screwed up (that's what it feels like to me, anyway!)

It makes me sad too, and I don't think very many Ts know how to deal with it effectively, or have their own stuff figured out well-enough to be able to cope with ours. That's just my experience after seeing lots and lots of Ts that should have been good (well respected, ethical, smart, and often recommended by others) who very much let me down.

Even now, I'm not sure my current T is going to be able to help. So far, he's better in some ways (so much less defensive than the others, which is really helping me!) but... I don't know how I can know if he can help, even after six months. It's a constant struggle for me.

I'm sorry that you've had such a rough time with therapy as well, and with finding a competent therapist who can stand by you and help. I wish it were easier, for all of us, I really do. I'm envious of people who find good Ts quickly, know that they are good Ts, and can afford to continue seeing them for as long as needed. It feels like, in therapy, the deck is sort of stacked against us and that it requires a bit of luck to manage to land in the right place.

Do you ever read the blog "Tales of a Boundary Ninja" = Tales of a Boundary Ninja | Insights about therapy and life learned the hard way ? She's been in long-term therapy with an amazing therapist who is very skilled at working with attachment, I often find her perspectives helpful and interesting.

[PaulaS]

That´s an interesting point, do you mean you can´t get the diagnosis "attachment disorder" as an adult? How does a T define problems with attachment and how do they find out an adult client has attachment issues?

Have you yourself experience of therapy helping you to handle attachment issues in a better way?

It seems that if a T also has attachment issues he or she easily gets triggered by a client having similar issues and then he or she becomes less suitable for treating them?

Originally Posted by Lauliza

I don't think there are many, if any, Ts that can"fix" attachment issues. By nature you're only diagnosed with attachment disorders as a child. At that stage things can change with a proper home environment and perhaps therapy.

As an adult you'll have developed an attachment style and in some cases an unresolved attachment disorder may morph into a personality disorder. Many Ts can treat these issues but I doubt any can really fix them. What they can do is help you identify the possible root causes and then work on what you can do now to improve your relationships and quality of life. That's been my take on it anyway.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

That´s an interesting point, do you mean you can´t get the diagnosis "attachment disorder" as an adult? How does a T define problems with attachment and how do they find out an adult client has attachment issues?

It seems that if a T also has attachment issues he or she easily gets triggered by a client having similar issues and then he or she becomes less suitable for treating them?

My T grew up in a dysfunctional family and did not experience a secure attachment as a child. She went to therapy as an adult and worked on her attachment issues. I don't think they ever completely "fixed" either, but she did the work of resolving them to the extent that they can be resolved. It has been very helpful for me to have a T who can relate (at least to a certain extent) with my experience of not having a mom and never having a secure attachment as a child. She can understand, on a personal level, what that feels like and how it leaves you with a "hole" or an "emptiness" where that parental love and connection should have been. For me at least, it has been very helpful to have a T who can understand and relate to my experience. I think it would be difficult to get the same kind of understanding and recognition from a T who had never experienced that emptiness. What has helped me the most is developing a secure attachment with my T-- it's something I have never had before. There hasn't been anyone I have trusted in the same way before, and it makes me hopeful that I can develop those same kind of secure attachments and relationships outside of therapy.

For me, it was not my T who told me that I have attachment issues. I went in knowing that I had never had a secure attachment and knew that I had an anxious/pre-occupied attachment style. I didn't know if my T could help or not, but I figured it was worth trying. I also discovered along the way that going back (even when I didn't want to) and giving my T the opportunity to fix any mistakes she has made or clear up any misunderstandings (even when I thought she should have known better) was what allowed the secure attachment to develop. I learned that people make mistakes, people aren't mind readers, and people don't always understand things the first time--- but, if someone is well-intentioned, it's worth it to give them the time and the opportunity to talk things through, work things out, and allow the relationship to become even stronger as a result. I've stuck it out, and so has T. Of course, it's up to me to keep scheduling appointments and to ask for what I need-- and she accommodates those requests. The therapist cannot fix our attachment issues-- that's our job. But they can help us if we allow them to. That means dropping our defenses, listening, being vulnerable, and giving them second chances-- it's incredibly hard sometimes, but it's worth it when we can see the progress. Not every T has these skills, but many do. I don't think we can tell whether they will be able to help us or not until we give them the opportunity to try.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

That´s an interesting point, do you mean you can´t get the diagnosis "attachment disorder" as an adult? How does a T define problems with attachment and how do they find out an adult client has attachment issues?

Have you yourself experience of therapy helping you to handle attachment issues in a better way?

It seems that if a T also has attachment issues he or she easily gets triggered by a client having similar issues and then he or she becomes less suitable for treating them?

Well in the US, the disorder is technically called "reactive attachment disorder" (RAD) and yes, it's only for children. It's also not given out very commonly- there needs to be a real pathology for a diagnosis. Everyone has an attachment style based on their upbringing with some being healthier than others. Sometimes if serious problems develop the attachment disorder might become a personality disorder in an adult (like Borderline, narcissistic, antisocial...). Even without a personaity disorder, a T can still treat attachment issues, but you'd need to be specific about what your symptoms are and what it is you want to work on.

Regarding how a T with attachment issues will handle a client - I have no idea. It's a toss up since success will be based on a personality match above all else. Most people don't think about analyze their attachment styles in terms of pathology, people just are who they are. They'll have a style like everyone does, but they may keep that out of your therapy. I wouldn't spend much time over thinking this and focus instead on exactly what you want to achieve in therapy. This is where I'd be very clear and specific when talking to potential T's. I'd tell them you have a particular interest in attachment and ask of this is an area they work with.