[musinglizzy]

I didn't want to hijack the previous thread.

Ok.....so I'm 40 y/o. I have a nightlight in my room. It's beautiful, elegant, not a child's nightlight....it fits the room décor. Lots of people I know have a nightlight in their hallways, to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night, or to walk downstairs without turning lights on, etc.... well, I don't have a hallway between my room and the bathroom. My bathroom has only one outlet, and it's used enough I'd have to unplug the nightlight every day, so it's in my room. It's nice if I have to pee in the middle of the night to find my way without turning bright lights on.

But T also knows I had issues when I was a kid with the dark. I used to wake up in a panic, sleepwalking, scratching at the walls trying to find the light switch. Also, when I was younger, a form of punishment was being locked in the basement with the light bulbs taken out. Pitch blackness.

I had a session today and she told me I should consider losing the night light. Ok, what about dealing with reasons I have it in the first place, or just the practicality that it's nice to have for middle-of-the-night trips to the bathroom! I don't have to turn any lights on.

I'm regretting bringing this up. Sometimes therapy makes me feel worse about myself. The nightlight is not the first thing. I collect items that have "a certain character" on them. My office was filled with that kind of stuff. She considered it a child's room, and suggested I turn it into an adult space.

I think she views me as a child in therapy. I can sleep without a nightlight, sure. But what's the problem with having one? It's actually quite beautiful and illuminates a nice light pattern on the wall behind and around it. It's not some cartoon character.

There's no problem. It's not disrupting your life, right? Tell her thanks for the recommendation but you like the light and intend to keep it.

[AustenFan]

Did she say WHY to give up the night light?? I would continue using it, for sure! Your reasons are completely sound, plus I'm a sucker for home decor and you've found a neat way to add to the room! If the light was actually in the bathroom it would be no different because it would still cast light into your bedroom. I would not worry about this and wouldn't let your T make you feel bad or childish for it.

As for the office...there are two big age groups for when 'character' or 'childish' things are acceptable. The one and only time it's frowned upon to have such things is the dreaded tween/preteen/early teen years. Of course before those years it's acceptable, and then around age 16 or so it's suddenly 'cool' and acceptable and 'cute' again. Of course it's really acceptable at any age, but those tricky years are when your social group would likely torture you over it. At 40 years old you are well past being mocked over having such a collection so enjoy it and don't let your T dissuade you.

ETA: Also, I wouldn't make a big deal out of defending these things or anything. I would act like SHE has the problem for having a problem with any of it. Act puzzled as to why on earth she is focusing on a LIGHT that allows you to not trip on your way to the bathroom, or items you COLLECT, not play with. Seriously, act like she has the problem and you're concerned about HER...

[gayleggg]

I don't see a problem with you keeping the nightlight or your room full of items with a "certain character" on them, if that is what you like. I used to have my computer room decorated with all thing Garfield, stuffed and otherwise. It was a fun place to be. The only reason I got rid of them is the place I live now does not have room for them.

Enjoy your pretty nightlight and collection. Some things are just fun.

[IndestructibleGirl]

I think even if it was a child's nightlight, it still would not matter. I don't think a few fun bits and pieces from childhood mean you can't function as an adult!

I think this may be one of those situations where you realise it's ok for you and your therapist to not have the same opinions on something, ie having the night light at all. And like you mention, at some point it would probably be useful to delve into the upsetting connotations pitch darkness has for you.

[musinglizzy]

Gayle, it WAS Garfield! LOL. I still have all the stuff, I just packed it away. Except for the ceiling light cover that has Garfield on it. That's still there.

[musinglizzy]

It's not like a sleep with stuffed animals or suck my thumb or anything......

[guilloche]

MusingLizzy -

I totally agree with what was posted here. If this stuff were causing you problems, then yeah, you'd want to work on that. If you couldn't sleep without the nightlight, took it with you on trips, and had panic attacks at the thought of it possibly malfunctioning and had 7 extras packed in the closet "just in case" - then I could see working on it. But you're not saying anything like that, and it sounds fine.

The Garfield stuff, meh - again, if it's not causing you any distress or issues, what's the harm?

[musinglizzy]

No, I don't pack a nightlight when I go anywhere. I used to, when my son was small, for him. I only have this one. It's pretty. We do have nightlights in various other places in the house, hallway and upstairs bathroom, so my son doesn't have to turn any lights on to pee in the middle of the night.

[SnakeCharmer]

There's a reason to lose the nightlight, but you don't have to if you don't want to. I like some light in my room and I have some blue lights that shine around the floor. Not much, just enough to give a glow so I'm not in the pitch blackness. I have my reasons! And so do you.

There have been tons of news reports lately about the dangers of sleeping with light in the room. It disrupts the circadian rhythm and can cause physical and mental health problems, including insomnia. I'm a chronic insomniac. I've been trying to lose the light. I'm pretty sure I feel more energetic in the daytime when I sleep in total darkness.

Light prevents melatonin from being formed properly in our bodies and that disrupts our sleep cycle. So I take melatonin. I've got my furniture arranged so the full moon can shine in through two different windows and the morning sun hits me full in the face. I love it and I'm not changing it.

My primary care guy has been telling me to sleep in a darkened room. No lights. Maybe I will and maybe I won't. I understand the reasons why he's advocating it. It's for my health and longevity. Those are the health reasons. I sleep with the light for other reasons. So it goes. Really, we have nothing to be embarrassed about. We have our reasons. Pretty good ones. My doc and your T will have to get used to it as we make our own choices on this.

[MindfulMoment]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

It's not like a sleep with stuffed animals or suck my thumb or anything......

I agree with the others, if it's not a problem for you then It shouldn't really be a problem for her. Out of interest what type of therapy do you have? My T has never given me suggestions, or asked me to stop certain things. I do not sleep with a night light, or a stuffed animal, but I do suck my thumb. Though I'm trying to stop, it too seems to be more of an issue for those around me than it does for me. It's just my instant way of comforting myself. If your night light has a similar function at times I say keep it, whatever makes you happy, brings you comfort and doesn't hurt others is rather harmless .

MM

[Soccer mom]

Hmmm, your T. may have a point. Do you sleep better at other people's houses and perhaps they don't have a nightlight? Do you have a hard time sleeping at home? Maybe it affects you more than you think?

[precaryous]

I sleep on the living room couch with a lamp on. I have my reasons, too!

Boy, it's really hard to know what to make of this. She asked you to consider not using the nightlight, which is different than telling you that you shouldn't or that it's not good for you.

My therapist would never tell me to do anything, but she has asked me to consider trying something out and paying attention to how that makes me feel when I do whatever it is. That doesn't mean she's ignoring the root cause at all, just trying to help me figure things out for myself. I have no way of knowing your therapist's motivations for her suggestions, but it sounds like you have a good enough relationship to ask her.

So what if you have a nightlight? So what if youre afraid of the dark. There is no rule saying you have to get rid of a night light at a certain age. My husband and I still have several night lights around the house.

[Favorite Jeans]

I think this is a serious case of therapeutic overreach. I realize it's not about me but it frankly p*sses me right off that your T said that. (Caveat: If you've been telling her that your sleep is terrible or that your partner/spouse hates the light, it's reasonable to suggest a trial of no nightlight.) I don't think it's appropriate for therapists to express their opinions about the minutiae of our lives. In general I think therapists should be very, very judicious in expressing their opinions. It a very short leap from opinion to judgment. Also, does she moonlight as an interior decorator or something?

[bounceback]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I don't see a problem with you keeping the nightlight or your room full of items with a "certain character" on them, if that is what you like. I used to have my computer room decorated with all thing Garfield, stuffed and otherwise. It was a fun place to be. The only reason I got rid of them is the place I live now does not have room for them.

Enjoy your pretty nightlight and collection. Some things are just fun.

I also collected Garfield for years and have gotten rid of some. Nice to know another Garfield collector

[growlycat]

It is interesting that you bring up this topic!

My longtime psychodynamic T gave me a nightlight when I was in my college years. I had admitted being afraid to sleep in the dark (I'm fine awake in the dark go figure)

So he gave me this simple, non childish nightlight. It was a sweet gesture.

Maybe your T thinks you want to lose the light? Maybe she senses your embarrassment on the subject? But if it isn't a problem no need to change it.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

No, I don't pack a nightlight when I go anywhere. I used to, when my son was small, for him. I only have this one. It's pretty. We do have nightlights in various other places in the house, hallway and upstairs bathroom, so my son doesn't have to turn any lights on to pee in the middle of the night.

I'd keep it. Tell T you enjoy it and its something that adds something special/beautiful to your home, in addition to making the darkness safe. If they were only meant for children they wouldnt sell fancy beautiful ones for adults.

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by MindfulMoment

I agree with the others, if it's not a problem for you then It shouldn't really be a problem for her. Out of interest what type of therapy do you have? My T has never given me suggestions, or asked me to stop certain things. I do not sleep with a night light, or a stuffed animal, but I do suck my thumb. Though I'm trying to stop, it too seems to be more of an issue for those around me than it does for me. It's just my instant way of comforting myself. If your night light has a similar function at times I say keep it, whatever makes you happy, brings you comfort and doesn't hurt others is rather harmless .

MM

I was just about to say….so what about thumb sucking and stuffed animals and such as well? It's private and doesn't hurt anyone.

[JaneC]

I say keep whatever makes you feel comfortable, and agree, maybe your therapist could do with looking at the reasons behind the nightlight!

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

It's not like a sleep with stuffed animals or suck my thumb or anything......

I did start sleeping with one of my sons stuffed toys, and kept doing it for about 6 months!! I was terrified at nights for that period due to trauma memories etc.

It felt odd to begin with and I felt really ashamed. When I told my therapist he said if it helps, don't worry about it! Do what works if it isn't hurting you!!

[catonyx]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

It's not like a sleep with stuffed animals or suck my thumb or anything......

I sleep with three stuffed animals lol and I don't care who knows.

[musinglizzy]

THanks for all of the replies. I sent her an Email about it....to give her a chance to think about it before our next session on Monday.

[anilam]

Ha, my T actually recommended to sleep with a teddy if it's helping me sleep. I do, it helps a bit and I really don't see a point feeling bad about it. I desperately need to sleep- any way I can calm myself a bit to get some helps.
I'm working in therapy to feel better, live happier life not to fit some stupid norm. I would expect my T to give me his reasons why he thinks I should get rid of something/ stop doing something. Saying it's because that's just not how grown-ups live/act wouldn't do...

[ScarletPimpernel]

I sleep with a Himalayan salt lamp on. It's soothing and relaxing. It has a little cup on top to put essential oils into to disperse. It's beneficial in multiple ways and is in no way childish.

Keep your nightlight if it makes you happy Even if it's childish!

I also sleep with stuffed animals and blankets sometimes. What's wrong with comforting yourself? We're supposed to be meeting our own needs anyways.