[PaulaS]

Althoguh I´ve been terminated by my T I still like her in a way. I have mixed feelings about her as I of course think she acted very badly when she decided to terminate me. But I really liked her up until the issue around termination and she also told me that she liked me, the termination was not due to her not liking me.

Anyway, I think about my T everyday, I miss her and I wonder about what her Christmas has been like and so on. I realise it´s a bit stupid as I will never get any answers to my questions. I know she´s living alone and that makes me wonder if she got divorced, for how long she has lived alone, if she´s got children.

I also wonder how she managed to get her own practise, I know it´s expensive in the town I live in.

What would you like to find out about your T? Those of you who want to know of course, I know some clients don´t want to know anything personal about their T:s and then this post isn´t interesting of course.

[brillskep]

I want to know if my therapist is still with the same girlfriend I know, if they're getting married / having a baby, and I'd like him to tell me what his favorite color is (I have an idea what it might be but I may be wrong).

Also, he's recently told me that at this time he's been changing as a person more than usual - I'd like to know if something happened to trigger that change. Especially since whatever it is seems to be making him a less effective therapist for me.

[scorpiosis37]

If there's something I want to know about my T, I simply ask her. So far, she has always answered my questions. The kinds of questions I ask pertain to the topics we are discussing, so my questions make sense in context and help me to have an authentic and trusting relationship with her. For instance, we have talked a lot about relationships and dating, so I asked about her relationship history/status. She had no problem telling me, and I find it helpful to know "who" I am choosing to discuss relationships with and how her own experiences might impact the way she is relating to me and my experiences.

[Petra5ed]

Ha, the first thing I thought of was a quote I read somewhere, which was like.... "OK, enough about me, now tell me about you, what do YOU think of me?" I think if I could know anything I'd like to know what my therapist really thinks of me. Not sure that says anything other than I'm fairly insecure.

Aside from that I know a bit about my therapist factually, his relationships, his kids. I guess I really want to know his real opinions, for example I want to know what he truly believes, what he fears, who and what he loves. What are his personal neurosis, since we all have them. What are his goals, and what are his personal struggles. I'm kind of inquisitive by nature, so I think there could be no end to what I'd want to know. I want to know it all.

[pmbm]

I have figured put that T was married before current husband and I would love to know what happened to that first marriage. T has told me about what she did before she became a therapist. But, I'd love to know what the precipitating change was because at about age 33, she married a different man, went back to school, and started having children.

I can't really think of anything. My T is a fairly open book about his family and vacations and hobbies and such, and I have no problem asking him things if I really want to know them. He generally answers, but I'm not a terribly nosey person about his personal life. He's shared things about his past as they related to what we were discussing, etc.

[stopdog]

The point when she talks.

[Soccer mom]

What she's been like as a mom raising her children. My T. also answers questions but I'm in a weird place where I don't want to know anything - afraid it will make things worse for me.

[BonnieJean]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

What she's been like as a mom raising her children. My T. also answers questions but I'm in a weird place where I don't want to know anything - afraid it will make things worse for me.

I'm there, too.

i want to know if she has children. i strongly suspect she doesn't, since she goes on holiday in term time, wears v expensive clothes and doesn't seem very motherly.

[PaulaS]

This sound like an ideal T to me, a T who shares her own experiences as a part of therapy. To me sounds quite unusual at the same time as your T seems to share things to your benefit, she´s not one of those T:s you also read about. Those who share their own problems and with that ignoring boundaries.

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

If there's something I want to know about my T, I simply ask her. So far, she has always answered my questions. The kinds of questions I ask pertain to the topics we are discussing, so my questions make sense in context and help me to have an authentic and trusting relationship with her. For instance, we have talked a lot about relationships and dating, so I asked about her relationship history/status. She had no problem telling me, and I find it helpful to know "who" I am choosing to discuss relationships with and how her own experiences might impact the way she is relating to me and my experiences.

[PaulaS]

Interesting thought, I also wondered this about my T. My T was around 60 years of age and therefore I couldn´t tell by the time she wen´t for holidays. But I saw her for just a short period so I can´t really say.

She was on a leave for a week around halloween, a week when there´s traditionally a kind of autumn holiday for school children in my country. Perhaps she took a week of to spend it with her grandchildren, but that´s just a guess. Perhaps I´d asked her if she´d got children if she´d let me continue in therapy as part of my problem concerns having children or not.

To not be that moderly could be a part of her way of conducting therapy, that she doesn´t show that side of herself when working but that´s of course just a guess.

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

i want to know if she has children. i strongly suspect she doesn't, since she goes on holiday in term time, wears v expensive clothes and doesn't seem very motherly.

[PaulaS]

What do you mean by that? The point when she talks?

Originally Posted by stopdog

The point when she talks.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

What do you mean by that? The point when she talks?

I mean that the woman makes no sense to me when she talks and when she does make sense, I still have no idea why she is talking instead of being quiet - I do not understand the point of what she chooses to say. I do ask and she usually says she does not know or had no point. So she is either a patent liar or an idiot. I prefer to think I have chosen a liar rather than an idiot and I then go ask the consultant I have some thing like "when one of you people does X - why or what is the point" and the consultant usually answers. Sometimes the consultant is also stumped. The reason I see the woman is that, although a liar - she does stay back better than the other one I see and she now knows more not to talk - sometimes I must remind her, but in general I have her not doing so any more.

[PaulaS]

It sounds a bit like your T had a child recently, many people then speaks in terms of "changing as a person" and as you say he seems to less effective as a T it´s perhaps because he doesn´t get enough sleep at nights because of a possible baby. If you notice specific things he does that makes therapy less effective I´d think you have the right to ask him what has happened.

Originally Posted by brillskep

I want to know if my therapist is still with the same girlfriend I know, if they're getting married / having a baby, and I'd like him to tell me what his favorite color is (I have an idea what it might be but I may be wrong).

Also, he's recently told me that at this time he's been changing as a person more than usual - I'd like to know if something happened to trigger that change. Especially since whatever it is seems to be making him a less effective therapist for me.

[Salmon77]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

Ha, the first thing I thought of was a quote I read somewhere, which was like.... "OK, enough about me, now tell me about you, what do YOU think of me?" I think if I could know anything I'd like to know what my therapist really thinks of me. Not sure that says anything other than I'm fairly insecure.

That would be the first thing I'd try to pick out of T's brain, too.

But overall, I dunno... it would be nice to just have a normal conversation and see what comes up. I suspect T is an interesting person and could tell some good stories.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

I'd like to know why she didn't have children. I know her mother was narcissistic and I wonder if that played into decision. More than likely I'm totally projecting since I chose not to have kids since I knew I'd just screw them up and then wonder what they were saying on PC

[Partless]

The T's urine PH level and exact weight of her frontal lobe.

[LindaLu]

Originally Posted by ShaggyChic_1201

I'd like to know why she didn't have children. I know her mother was narcissistic and I wonder if that played into decision. More than likely I'm totally projecting since I chose not to have kids since I knew I'd just screw them up and then wonder what they were saying on PC

Yes to this. Sometimes she seems maternal and I think therapy is a way she can express that. And Im not projecting onto her (surely my assessments are always perfect) its true any kid I might have had would be messed up.

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

The name of her boyfriend, if they ever spend the night with each other, how they met, why she became a therapist, and what she did before she was a therapist

Well she shares tidbits about herself here and there as they relate to my therapy, so I can't really think of anything I want to know about her (now that she has assured me she is not seriously ill, that was my fear lately). I think what I would most like her to tell me, though, is how we finish my therapy. I'm getting antsy about it again and wanting to be done already. I know, I know, it takes as long as it takes, but I still want to know.

[RedSun]

Hmmmmmm
If she's going to move in with her partner at any time, I'd like some prewarning cos her practice is in her home.
Also, why she spilt up with her ex partner, who was also a t, and what her cats are called. Who bought her a spider hoover thingie. Where the kettle is. Does she know I love her. Does she know she's a great t. Argh, calm down calm down