[amayastar]

So I have been in therapy 2 months now.
I originally went to make someone happy and get them off my case. I clicked with my T from the start but have a extremely hard time with trust issues. 2 weeks ago in session I let my guard down and talked about parts of my past that I have never told anyone. Than the following week I sent T a email insulting her trying to push her away because when I start to trust people that's what I do. Unfortunately she gets the Push/Pull completely and basically I can't get her to termniate me or give up which is scary in it self. So this week I got through that talked some more about past ended up holding her hand and truly letting my guard down again. Than I email her this week asking about session, she wants to switch my time which is fine. But last week I told her my cutting was really nad and I have been scared she is going to try to hospitalize me when I go into session this upcoming week.
So I sent her a email telling her I was worried about that, she didn't respond I'm like freaking out. Than I sent kind've a rude email. Because one I don't like change and her wanting to change my apt time messed with me, than that triggered me to thinking she is going to try to put me in the hospital. Plus on top of it I have never truly trusted another person and I have let my guard down and am starting to feel a connection with her and it's freaking me out and I want to RUN RUN RUN...
Can anyone Relate????

[puzzclar]

I'm always afraid of t putting me inpatient, but the more open I am the easier it gets. Its still hard, but slightly easier. Don't run, just be you. T's have heard a lot and can really relate.

[Restin]

Amayastar, I certainly do relate to what's happening with you. I'm sure your T is fully trained to deal with your conflicting feelings and emails, and seems to care a lot, too. I think it would be good to email to T that last part of your post about your fears that T won't understand how serious this all is for you. Also see if you could get a phone call through. Usually the receptionists will allow an important phone call. I know it feels like personal rejection when T doesn't get back soon enough, but most likely something came up, and not rejecting of you.

[ThisWayOut]

As Restin said, any number of things may be holding up T's response. A phone call may be a better option... Also, you may want to have a conversation with T around how she respondes to self-injury, and what are her grounds for forcing hospitalization. Generally, if they are going to force you to go, they do it in the moment, and not wait for the next session. Most T's will only try to force you into going if they feel you are an immenant threat to yourself or others. That would mean that you are planning something in the immediate future, and that is why they feel the need to force their hand. The doctors I've seen that sent me involuntarily for self-injury have never let me leave the office. (also, it was always a nurse or doctor, and never a T, though I know some T's will respond that way)...
Chances are, she may have a hospital conversation with you, but that doesn't automatically mean she will send you there, just that she wants to assess your safety level.
Try to keep breathing and stick it out to see how things go with her next week. And feel free to come talk more about it.

[amayastar]

Thanks guys.