[PaulaS]

I was terminated by my T some months ago and I´m now still looking for a new T. Although the termination was abrupt and the decision was my therapists I still miss her, I feel sad and I still like her very much.

I´ve read a lot about termination and that feelings for a T when you have to leave is just transference, feelings you´ve felt for another person in your life, for example ones mother.

I can´t think of any occation at all when I felt this strongly about my mother or any other relative. I understand my feelings for my T isn´t about her as a private person but the person who listened to me and talked to me in a very rewarding way.

I can´t really understand how this can be just transference? I think of my former T every day, several times a day and I just cry.

It doesn´t help at all spending time with my parents or other relatives, I feel a bit distant to them and I felt a more close connection to my T than to my own relatives. Is it still just a matter of transference?

[UnderRugSwept]

Termination, especially unexpected termination, often results in grief...the process of grieving takes time.

I don't think it is 'just' transference, I think they are real feelings. I have real feelings for my T, and they are powerful.

[nervous puppy]

Yes, it is transference and yes it is possibly maternal. I am just coming to terms with that myself, but I am lucky enough to have a new T to help me work through it. I was surprised at the depth of the emotion I was feeling and overwhelmed with emotion (crying constantly).
I recently terminated with a T that I had been with for over 12 years. Not really my choice, but it was my choice. She "announced" that she had terminal cancer and that she might miss some appointments due to chemo. I freaked out. It hit me so hard like being run over by a rock hauling truck. I felt like a horse kicked me in the stomach. I could barely function let alone eat or sleep.
She tried to reassure me that she wasn't going to go anywhere soon and she was going to keep seeing clients until she couldn't physically do it anymore. She told me she had someone in mind for me, when the time came.
I couldn't deal with seeing her. How could I unload my dumb problems on her when she's fighting for her life. Made no sense to me.
Anyway, she at least had a name of a therapist for me to try. I checked with my insurance to make sure the new one was on the list and she was. I saw her. I liked her immediately. Next session with my old T, I told her it was our last.
I'm just wondering why, if your T terminated you, why she didn't at least offer to give you a few names to look into?
I spent HOURS on my insurance company website sorting through names and specialties and descriptions to get a short list of about 3 T's. Amazingly enough, the one my T suggested, was actually on my short list.
I hope you can somehow find a new T soon, even if it's short term, until you find a good fit, so you can work out these transference issues.

Originally Posted by PaulaS

....I´ve read a lot about termination and that feelings for a T when you have to leave is just transference, feelings you´ve felt for another person in your life, for example ones mother....

I'm sorry your T terminated with you. Some T's use the term "transference" because they can't handle real feelings. Not all T's are capable of dealing with real feelings so they resort to psychobabble. Your feelings are certainly real and don't let anyone discount them.

[nervous puppy]

Doesn't matter what you call it. Transference or not, the feelings and emotions are very much real. It does help to understand why you feel the way you do, and it's normal to react that way especially when your T has terminated with you.

[Petra5ed]

I think the word transference confuses a lot of people. On the one hand you have Freud's very narrow definition, which almost no one uses anymore because no one does traditional blank slate laying on the couch psycho analysis.

In lay terms all the feelings you have for everyone are "only" transference. So, maybe that will help put it in perspective. Your feelings, whether for your mother or therapist or just some guy at work are based in large part on transference, and they are all real feelings.

[Ididitmyway]

I don't see it just as transference or as transference at all. I think, it's a genuine sense of loss of someone who was present for you and listened to you regularly. You miss the experience that is rare and unique in nature, which makes it even more valuable. You were naturally attached to your T and now you miss her. Perfectly normal. As normal as to miss anyone who were attached to and who meant a lot to you.

[AncientMelody]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

I don't see it just as transference or as transference at all. I think, it's a genuine sense of loss of someone who was present for you and listened to you regularly. You miss the experience that is rare and unique in nature, which makes it even more valuable. You were naturally attached to your T and now you miss her. Perfectly normal. As normal as to miss anyone who were attached to and who meant a lot to you.

Exactly my thoughts....you nailed it.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

I don't see it just as transference or as transference at all. I think, it's a genuine sense of loss of someone who was present for you and listened to you regularly. You miss the experience that is rare and unique in nature, which makes it even more valuable. You were naturally attached to your T and now you miss her. Perfectly normal. As normal as to miss anyone who were attached to and who meant a lot to you.

Absolutely my thoughts as well. When I left therapy because I moved, the loss was very very real. Grief is a complex, life-changing thing.

Take good care of yourself okay?