[PaulaS]

I´m very worried that my life will continue in a way that I don´t want to, being unemployed, single, feeling down and sad. I have my university degree and I still have the ambition to "do something in life" but I need help and I´m looking for a new T.

Anyway, everyone has their own struggles but as a T also has to be the "blank slate" to a certain degree you as a client quite often think of them as having no or minor problems in their own life. I often recognise them as successful people.

Did your T tell you of his/her own struggles in life? What did you get to know and how did that affect therapy and your feelings for your T?

No T I have seen has told me anything like that. It would be very surprising to me if a therapist were to talk about their own life during my therapy hour, and it would not be helpful for me if they did.

[PaulaS]

I understand what you mean, a T shouldn´t begin "telling stories" about themselves. I mean more of telling about their struggles that has some kind of connection to the clients own problems.

I know some clients don´t want to know about such things but for me personally I think a T sharing some bit of their own personal story can strenghten the relationship and that it may be a bit comforting.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

No T I have seen has told me anything like that. It would be very surprising to me if a therapist were to talk about their own life during my therapy hour, and it would not be helpful for me if they did.

Yes, he has talked about his own struggles. I've worked with him a long time, and over the years there have been occasions when he shared parts of his own story with me as they were relevant to what we were discussing. He's spoken of his divorce, his intense phobia of snakes (some great stories there), his struggle with a congenital vision problem that made reading difficult, issues he had with his own children, grief over the death of his cousin, etc. These were topics that came up as similarities to things going on in my own life, offered up one at a time, in very small bits.

The way he revealed that kind of information was appropriate and helpful. I've had other T's I tried who revealed too much, too soon, too inappropriately, that completely turned me off, so how a therapist goes about discussing their own life has to been done after a certain level of comfort and trust is reached I think -- at least for me.

Originally Posted by PaulaS

I understand what you mean, a T shouldn´t begin "telling stories" about themselves. I mean more of telling about their struggles that has some kind of connection to the clients own problems.

I know some clients don´t want to know about such things but for me personally I think a T sharing some bit of their own personal story can strenghten the relationship and that it may be a bit comforting.

Yes, I'm sure many people would find that helpful. I know that for me it would only emphasise how worthless and different I am because I am unable to cope in situations that my T could deal with, but other people react differently. It's like when a friend of mine tried to give me hope by telling me about a situation he'd been in which was very similar to mine. It worked in the exact opposite way of what he intended.

I think a good T probably senses whether a description of their own struggles would be helpful for an individual client or not.

[growlycat]

My main T has told me a great deal about his own struggles (bits and pieces that add up over 20 yrs!!) Some on his own analysis and a phobia he still has to manage but has in check.

CBT T doesn't admit to many personal struggles, just wanting to understand his own parents. He shares some personal things if they are relevant to what I'm struggling with. Not sure if he really is so well adjusted or he just won't share stuff like that.

Personally, I like self disclosure from a T. It helps me.

T1 does a lot. In some ways it has been helpful, because it has strengthened the relationship. I'm sure part of the reason I can be so open with him is because he is so human.
Sometimes though he gets self disclosure wrong and it can be a bit too much information. For example, I was once talking about dissociation and he asked me a question about it, then related it to himself, going into lots of detail about a dissociative episode he once had. this wasn't useful and felt like it was turning into his therapy. I think he was trying to let me know he could relate, but things like that increased my transference towards him that relates to having a mentally ill mother who couldn't be there for me emotionally.
T2 has told me nothing about his life, but I think he is especially careful because he knows how hard transference with T1 has been.

Telling a Client about ones own struggles does not equate that, that therapist must be highly skilled. It's irrelavent what struggles T has had.

[gloamingone]

I had a T who talked incessantly about her own issues. It was awful! She insisted I was codependent, when no one else in my life saw that. SHE was codependent and talked about it a lot. Even insisted I attend CODA meetings (which she also attended). I was stuck with her for several months. Nice lady, but NOT a good T!

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[ThisWayOut]

I've had various levels of self disclosure from various t's. Strangely enough, the one that impacted me the most in a positive way was a trauma t admitting his own struggles with an abusive childhood, how he had come to a point where he could work successfully with other trauma clients, but how he also still struggled at times with the impacts of his abuse. This was done in an inpatient, group setting. Apparently, he had some very obvious signs that most patients pickled up on, so he felt it easier to simply have it out there. To me, at that time, it was a very powerful admission. I'm not sure how I would feel working with him in the long term though, as I'm sure I'd need to "take care of him" by editing what I disclosed or spoke about. I know t's enter the field for various reasons, and most is because of some level of personal experience, but I'm not sure I would want to know that about every t I saw.

[junkDNA]

hes told me some things that are/were relevant to the topic and my own struggles. like taking meds every day (he has a mental illness) ,his mom dying when he was in grad school, etc

i find it helpful. i never thought my T had a perfect life with no struggles. actually i dont think that abt anyone. i know everyone has suffered some in life

My T has never said anything about her struggles in the months I've been seeing her. I don't want to hear it right now. I wonder if she might if I went to see her for a number of years.

[PaulaS]

Too bad you had this kind of experience, it such a case more damage than good is done. I hope you´ve found a better T now, a T should always tell about themselves in such a matter that it benefits the client.

Originally Posted by gloamingone

I had a T who talked incessantly about her own issues. It was awful! She insisted I was codependent, when no one else in my life saw that. SHE was codependent and talked about it a lot. Even insisted I attend CODA meetings (which she also attended). I was stuck with her for several months. Nice lady, but NOT a good T!

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[gloamingone]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

Too bad you had this kind of experience, it such a case more damage than good is done. I hope you´ve found a better T now, a T should always tell about themselves in such a matter that it benefits the client.

My T's since have been wonderful. :-)

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[stopdog]

They have both said some things. I don't really find it pertinent or interesting and could do without it.

The last one I saw did...TOO MUCH. I even asked her if she had unresolved issues and said that when she shared things it shut me down, made my life feel less important. She said that was interesting and that we needed to talk about it more, but we never did. She had mentioned earlier that she was trying to find ways to relate to me and understand me, but her selections were so far off base, it felt alienating. I should have left, but I kept hoping it would get better. Thankfully, she moved away.

The one I see now does not do that at all, and it's refreshing. I think she has only mentioned one thing, after I brought it up, and it was helpful because it's not a usual thing that people go through. It was nice to hear that she knew exactly what the impact had been. But she didn't focus on herself after that short disclosure. It was back to me. The other therapist would have gone on at length about herself. Clueless.

[musinglizzy]

I know a great deal about my T's history only because she published a book/memoir on it. She led a very unusual life growing up.

It is interesting how some people want to know nothing about their therapists; others appreciate knowing that information and find it helpful. How the amount of information and delivery were important, etc. It shows again that what individuals need and benefit from in therapy varies widely as well as what therapists do and how effective their approaches are also varies with each individual. One size does not fit all.

[Ellahmae]

My T shares only the things that relate to me - not in an I fixed them way and you can too but in an empathic connection type of way. I find it beneficial.

[stopdog]

I pay them to keep them back. What they have gone through does not matter to me. I have asked the woman why she tells me things and she never has an answer other than she thought I might find it interesting which only proves how little she has paid attention. I don't care how a therapist responded to something or went through something. It has never been super unique or anything. I don't understand how it would ever be useful to me. Of course, I don't find their talking at all to be useful, so it is probably just more of the same.

[Xenon]

My therapist hasn't shared much about herself beyond a few minor details about her current life. I like seeing small glimpses of her beyond my time in her office, but I don't feel any pressing need to know anything major at this point, like why she became a therapist or what kind of issues she's struggled with.

I think a therapist having gone through the same thing as you is kind of overrated, anyway. It's understandable that people crave that, but I don't believe it leads to any greater chance of success or even a better relationship with your T necessarily. I had one counsellor that I suspect did struggle with kinda similar things to me, and he made some incorrect assumptions about me - what specific situations I had a problem with and why, what I needed to do to improve - and didn't seem to hear a word I said when I tried to explain myself. People whose problems fall under the same label will likely still have some important differences, and no matter what, a therapist will need to be able to hear and understand people who experience life very differently than they ever did.

My therapist has shown that she's able to hear and understand me - not perfectly all the time, but better than I'd hoped for - and I'm satisfied with that. Whether she's gone through similar experiences or not wouldn't change that.

[Raging Quiet]

My t does and discloses quite a lot, it makes me worry about her and loose the focus on myself/feel selfish..

[Iguanadon]

I had a T who had recovered from the same thing I was struggling with (anorexia) and she never told me (my mother ended up asking her and found out that was, I never approached the T about it). I think it really, really would have helped me to know that she was a fully recovered person. I went so long feeling hopeless that recovery was even possible, knowing an example (who I could talk to for an hour once a week) would have been quite motivating.

[WrkNPrgress]

Mine has sparingly and only in relation to the topic at hand.

[Lauliza]

No they have never shared struggles directly. My pdoc told me everyone who works in the mental health field had issues which is usually their motivation for entering the field. Other than that I've had someone share anything more. Some might if it's relevant to my treatment and well in the past. I would not feel comfortable knowing any major problems they are currently experiencing. I understand they have stress and struggles like anyone else, but I expect them to compartmentalize them and get help on their own time. Its not something that belongs in a clients therapy.