LCM showing up randomly at work

He's not my pdoc. She wanted him to be.

Growli, the thing is…you're not her daughter. I know that you know this, and I also know that its hard and painful to think about that fact. But by denying reality, you are literally torturing yourself and holding yourself back from the life that you COULD be living.

I echo other posters when I say that I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to find a qualified T, and begin to process this attachment and the deep pain that it holds for you. Only by doing that can you move through the pain and onto a meaningful life.

You are NOT her daughter.

You aren't making much sense right now. Posting while drinking again?

Seeing a therapist might be the only way for you to ensure a lasting relationship with this LC. The way this is headed...jealous of daughter and insulting the boyfriend...it's not looking good.

If you need a psychiatrist then she was simply referring you to one she knew and likes. If she's dating him I can see how it might have been awkward seeing them together but that doesn't have any bearing on you. She's not going to avoid public events because it upsets you, particularly if her daughter is involved. You're refusal to accept reality is getting worse and LCM is utterly clueless. She would be the most helpful if she helped you find a real therapist and doctor.

I didn't insult him. He has a nice butt. He's just too short for me

She could have warned me. I live here. She basically came to my house to see someone other than me

You said he was small and had bad hair and that she was embarrassed. When someone says that about a person you love, it's an insult.

Before I knew they were together, I saw him visiting her before my session. I commented after he left that I liked his butt. She blushed and asked me to elaborate. I then said I felt like he was too small for me and I didn't like his hairstyle. She agreed that he was too small for me. I'm 6'1. He was probably 5'7 and very thin. I like tall men who are more chunky than thin. She wasn't offended

You aren't her daughter. No matter how much you try to delude yourself by saying that, you AREN'T. And she doesn't view you as a daughter, she's said that.

It's ok that it stings to have seen her... but what would you have done if she'd warned you ahead of time? You would have either searched her out, spent the time dwelling and trying to figure out which girl is her real daughter, stayed home and gotten drunk and missed work. Or if you hadn't been working that day, you might have gone anyway to try to see her, or you would have been mad and thinking that she told you just to make you feel bad and to rub it in that she has a daughter and that it's not you.

Sounds like she went with the option of saying nothing as it was the only option that had any chance of sparing you having a meltdown.

No she didn't. She went to her daughter's recital. It wasn't about you. Her life doesn't revolve about you. She told you she thought you only worked school events so she didn't think you would be working that event You are going to have to learn to face the reality that this person has her own life and she is not your mother. You seem to be decompensating in large part due to your confusion about your relationship with her. I hope you will find a qualified therapist to work with so you can really work on yourself and your healing.

I would have asked my supervisor to not have been put front and center. She would have told me her seat and I would jab been put up in the balcony where I wouldn't have seen her instead of working the front door to the hall and had to give them programs. I would have showered and wore better pants so she would have been able to see me dressed better for work. I could have mentally prepared myself instead of seeing this woman who marched her profile come in and then saw her face and said "what the **** are you doing here" out of habit and standing there dumbfounded

This is all kind of mad.

How sure are we the dude is LC's partner and the pdoc? Or is that just a maybe?

He could be anyone. Friend of the family? Her child's father?

I have lots of sympathy for her showing up in 'your' space. Once I was working at a very high profile event (big, exciting and stressful and had talked about it a fair amount in my sessions coming up to it) and I got a text from my ex T saying she really wanted to come to the event, just to let me know. That was weird enough, and hurt me in a strange way because we didn't actually see one another - she just texted again when she left saying how great it was and thank you for my part in it. I really would not have liked the sudden wtf moment of running into her by surprise when it was 'my' thing.

Growli, you really do need to start having the conversations around the fact that she is not your mum. With yourself, with us here on the boards if that helps, and with a trauma T when you finally get one. The brick wall refusal to even begin to start looking at the facts isn't going to serve you. Nobody's saying you have to be cool with it and cheerful about it. But you really do need to start talking about the reality of it.

She's never had great boundaries so this doesn't surprise me. Regardless, my point is that these things happen in life and they happen a lot. That's why everyone keeps emphasizing your need for a licensed competent therapist. They usually know how to handle the transference you're experiencing; LCM does not and this is a good example of that. A T, while maybe not warning you they'd be concert, certainly would not have sought you out and most likely would not have thought introducing you to their daughter was a good idea. You're kind of going in circles and aren't being given any real guidance in how to change things.

I asked her if she was dating him. She said "that's an interesting question"
Me: "that's a yes"
Her: "so what if i was? He's a great pdoc regardless of our relationship"

That's a yes. I know her. She would have said no.

She didn't look for me. I was working the center doors. There is no way she could have missed me. I never met her daughter. She wasn't with her at the time.

I would not see any other professional that the therapist I see was involved with. I would not trust their judgment on the other if they knew each other other than professionally.

That's what upsets me. She wanted me to see him without telling me she was extremely biased.

But if you did not go see him, then good and just don't take her recommendations in the future. For me, it would not need to be more than that.

Growli, I'm wondering......when you say "I'm her daughter," is that said out of a deep desire to BE her daughter for real, or are you beginning to truly believe you are her daughter? Because then that is a whole different, more concerning ball game.

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The former. I know I'm not her literal daughter.

It still hurts because I thought I could trust her. I wish she just told me her boyfriend was a great pdoc. Then I could at least know she was biased.

Was that at the concert? Or beforehand?

Either way, it doesn't detract away from the rest of my post.

You need to start thinking outside the obsessional one thought you have about trying to be her daughter.

Even if she was your mother, it would still be unhealthy for adult you to be so obsessed with your mother. I mean this in the kindest way but you need to start accepting that it's time to learn to grow up. You can still have all sorts of love, affection and connection, but you can't fixate on one human being, cast them in a surrogate role and make them responsible for your happiness. It would be suffocating for a real mother (who would be desperately worried about you, and no doubt feel they had failed to raise an independent adult) but it must be a massively confusing deal for LC as well. And for you. On some level you know it's not right and there is SO MUCH MORE to you - look how flipping talented you are at music!

She consistently crosses boundaries which is more harmful than helpful to you. This is made very evident by your posts.

I'm not obsessive over this anymore. Any person in a real and healthy mother/daughter situation would have been upset if their mother went to their home and didn't tell them they'd be there