[AmazingGrace7]

Recently, I shared with my T that a session we had in December felt like a "train wreck".

I left that December day in shock from some events that happened prior to arriving at my session. Plus, T just wasn't on his game. He didn't do a good job of helping me get grounded. Instead, I began spiraling in a bad way. T seemed helpless to help and I noticed it. I do remember mustering the courage to ask him if he planned to work the following week and he replied yes. Before I could ask for an extra appointment time, he blurted out something that hurt me in a very deep way. Consciously, it wasn't directed at me but I'm not as certain it wasn't intended for me unconsciously.

It didn't help that T's family was in town for the holidays and I knew he was distracted, it just made matters worse. I left my session spiraling, ungrounded and dazed, very dazed.

It was a SUPER long two weeks.

My first session back after the holidays, we had the opportunity to discuss it. It was a great session and we talked a lot about the session and the period of time afterwards. I thought we had resolved it but, apparently, not. The feelings from that day keep resurfacing.

Now, I am scared they will never go away. A very deep part of me, is SUPER mad at my T right now which I have shared with him!

I know it will improve with time but it's hard right now.

Have you ever left a session with your T which felt like a "train wreck"? How did you work through it and move forward again?

[stopdog]

Sometimes you just have to keep talking about it, I think.

[growlycat]

It will work itself through, just keep bringing it up as often as you need to.

I agree that sometimes you just have to keep talking about it. I had a train-wreck session awhile ago, where we yelled at each other and it was awful, the following week we sorta-kinda talked about it briefly but really not, I tried to bury my feelings and pushed it away, and a couple of months later of course it resurfaced, we tried talking about it again, and that time I got really pissed and hung up on her (we do phone sessions) and only after THAT did we finally resolve it 3 days later when I called her and most humbly apologized for my part in the whole mess and we finally talked through it all. Although this rupture did strengthen our t relationship after it was over, I don't recommend this method. I wish I'd not swept it under the rug and had talked about it more after the initial train wreck session.

Yes, you just keep talking about it until it loses intensity and gets resolved.

I hate those type of sessions, but in the long run, they help me see how to work out conflicts and sort through what's trustworthy about a person. Of course, if the therapist gets snitty and defensive, that's a whole other thing. But that doesn't sound like your therapist at all. Just let it keep airing out. Don't shove it under the carpet.

Yes many times. My T isn't into 'grounding'. Therapy is about feeling the feelings. As hard as it is.
Sometimes in those states we fantasise T is distracted or not really there for us. That's often times a place we put them, and sometimes it's a past experience playing itself out in the room.
I'm afraid that sounds like a normal but intense session. And yes, it can go on for a while afterwards.

Mouse, my therapist isn't into all that grounding business either. It's messy and painful, but we just get right into it and do the work. I wonder if all that skill building crap is for therapists to give themselves a breather while they figure out what to do. The gutsy ones will just roll up their sleeves and let the s*** hit the fan, but be there to ease things to closure. Can you imagine Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting saying, okay remember to practice your skills...

[BlessedRhiannon]

I've had a couple sessions like that and I think all you can do is keep talking about it until you don't need to talk about it any more. Sometimes, it may not ever be resolved, but you'll reach a point where you can accept that the session was a train wreck and move on.

As far as grounding - with my T, it's definitely for me and not her. I tend to dissociate very easily and it's impossible to do the work if I'm not even mentally present in the room. For me and my T, grounding exercises help me to be present so that I can talk about the hard stuff and participate in the session. There have been times where I got so lost in my head or lost in memories that the room just completely faded away...not very conducive to working with the T.

I guess I was referring more to those therapists who won't engage in deep work until certain "skills" are taught. It feels insulting to me, and also, the one who pulled that on me really did not want to get into traumatic material (I think) because she lacked experience and had been misleading in her resume.

So, that's my bias. The one I see now does not use terms like grounding, she will just bring me back without calling it anything. She's unafraid and that, in itself, is stabilizing.

Grounding has been essential at times in my sessions. I have been known to dissociate so deeply at times that without my therapist helping me find my way back to the present I was terrified and simply not there. No real therapy can go on when you are so dissociated that you are mental and emotionally not even there. Those skills I have been taught made my therapy more effective AND I learned to use them on my own when my therapist is not there to help me. It can be absolutely life saving.

[stopdog]

The therapist has never mentioned grounding or anything like that to me. She rarely notices when I dissociate.

Originally Posted by licketysplit

Mouse, my therapist isn't into all that grounding business either. It's messy and painful, but we just get right into it and do the work. I wonder if all that skill building crap is for therapists to give themselves a breather while they figure out what to do. The gutsy ones will just roll up their sleeves and let the s*** hit the fan, but be there to ease things to closure. Can you imagine Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting saying, okay remember to practice your skills...

LoL *nods in agreement*

[JaneTennison1]

I told my T after our train wreck session that there was no way I could go through that and not be grounded afterwards. I am not willing to compromise time with my family by being dissociated. It wasn't a threat, it was just how I felt. I'm still processing what happened dec 4. I still have moments of anger about it. I would say mention it as it bothers you. Really hear out why he said what he did and examine how you feel about that.

[AmazingGrace7]

In reference to grounding, I was referring to my T not helping me back when I was clearly out of sorts, in shock, and disassociating. I was feeling anxious and scared and T looked helpless to help. He knew immediately after he made the comment that it had triggered me. He tried to take it back, but it was too late. He is usually a fairly confident man, this day he looked scared of his own inability to know how to help.

[AmazingGrace7]

Originally Posted by AmazingGrace7

In reference to grounding, I was referring to my T not helping me back when I was clearly out of sorts, in shock, and disassociating. I was feeling anxious and scared and T looked helpless to help. He knew immediately after he made the comment that it had triggered me. He tried to take it back, but it was too late. He is usually a fairly confident man, this day he looked scared of his own inability to know how to help.

Projection.

I just realized after I went back and reread what I wrote last night, I think I am scared of his inability to help me and my own inability to help myself in overwhelming moments.

Now, what.