[Lemon]

Could people explain what transference is for me? People post about it a lot here, so I kind of understand, but I'd like more information about it. Thanks

[Christina86]

Hi Marie31,

I would explain it but then you could wind up being more confused!

Here's a good site I just found (it made the most sense to me). http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-transference.htm

[(JD)]

I guess a most simple explanation would be such as a patient begins to talk to and treat her T negatively (and later finds out that she is treating the T as if the T were her father that she hates.) She had transferred her feelings about her father onto the T. Or the transference can be positive, in that someone in past life that you loved but ignored you, you might begin treating your T as if he/she were that person from your past... bringing the T gifts, talking about meeting IRL outside the session etc.

Counter transference is something that the T has to guard against... that would be that after you begin treating him/her like someone you want to be with more etc (as per your old love) that the T then "buys into it" and feels that that love you show is real and the T begins to respond on an emotional basis. Some patients are quite good at evoking a counter-transference in a therapist...Ts have to always be on guard, and keep their emotions in check, but can use the experience to navigate the patient through their misplaced feelings.

Did that help at all???

Hi and welcome to PC, Marie31.

Here's a link to a site I like a lot. It has a great question and answer section that talks about transference as well as a separate section (get there by the link) on transference.

Transference happens every day in our lives. One example would be going to a restaraunt and immediately liking the waitress because she reminds you of your sister that you love.

In therapy it is also about relating to the therapist as you did in a relationship in your past like in the example with the waitress.

Here's the link to the stie I mentioned: www.guidetopsychology.com. It's very interesting and I hope you like it!

[Lemon]

Thanks for all the explanations! They made sense and I'll check out the links this evening. I don't think my T reminds me of anyone in my past or that I'm transferring anger to her (but maybe I'm in denial, I'll have to think about this more). I do have a fear of her rejecting me.

I do think that I've become really attached to her and wish I could talk to her a lot more than our every other week sessions. I keep trying to get up the nerve to ask to see her once a week. Is wanting to talk to her more often and wishing she would give her opinion more often also transference?

Is transference something that a client should try and overcome or is it just something that happens?

The attachment and wanting to be with her more is part of the transference. It's nice when you realize it's okay and even expected and nothing at all to feel bad about.

I see my T every week and still want to be with her more. I asked to see her every week. Please let your T know this is what you want. You don't need to be afraid to say anything to your T; they have heard it all and they can take it. They are so sturdy and strong!

Transference is part of the process and it's important to the process. It should also be talked about openily with your therapist. "I'm feeling quite attached to you" is a good place to start!

I also share my dreams with my therapist and one I just shared with her was about her, about her helping me, about me needing her... all through metaphors.

I think you'll find the www.guidetopsychology.com site really helpful and easy to read. The question and answer section is just great and I go back and read there often!

[Lemon]

Echos - Thanks for all the feedback. I've just spent an hour on that site and I bookmarked it so I can go back later. I'll try to work up the nerve to say "I'm feeling quite attached to you". That would be a big deal for me to be able to say something like that because I pretty much repress any strong emotions. It seems embaressing to me to admit that I'm attached to her, but I know you're right that it would be expected and nothing she isn't already aware of.
Thanks again!

[DePressMe]

I just blogged about transference with my pdoc. I had all kinds of fantasies about him. I talked it over with my sponsor and therapist. It came down to me wanting him to fill voids in my life...and the need to be accepted by somebody--accepted by somebody who understands my mental illness and accepts me anyway. Although it was embarrassing at first, I soon realized that--after I talked with my pdoc about it--I was much more trusting and respectful of him. It turned out to be a positive thing.