Is it ever ok to contact your spouse's therapist?

No - the disagreement is more fundamental than that. I am not saying what you keep trying to insist I am saying.

Your example of the nurse is all about her doing things and especially doing things when you don't want her to. There is just no similarity between someone doing things to you and someone saying something about you. You can insult someone but that is not battery.

That was not the point of my example. But if you want to think we agree - have at it. I disagree. I have set it up so that no one knows the names of the therapists I see so they cannot attempt to interfere.

OP - I don't think it would be appropriate to contact your spouse's therapist, but I don't think a therapist would believe someone who calls and reports such as being the truth nor would the reporting person know whether the information had any bearing on why the person was seeing the therapist or what they actually did discuss with their therapist. Certainly it is possible for an outsider to report information to a therapist. I think it unlikely that information will matter to the persons therapy. Certainly I would find it unhelpful for me to think a therapist would decide to believe an unknown person's tattling and I would have to quit that therapist and find another.

rouge198, that can be touchy, especially if you guys are on the rocks... I understand your concern, however.
I think you might be better off speaking to your own therapist about the threats, and perhaps either bringing your spouse in to your sessions, or asking if he would be ok with you attending one of his in an effort to address that (and be specific about your concerns when talking to him about it). If your spouse is hiding things from his T, that's ultimately his choice. If it's a safety concern for his daughter, then your T could help you act on that appropriately... The other thing to think about is whenther or not the relationship is one you want to continue in despite all these concerns. If it is, you guys would best be served by communicating directly with one another. If that can't be done, maybe consider finding another couple's T that is not working individually with either of you...

My hubby emailed my t about 3 years ago when I was in crisis. He also contacted t recently when I was too poorly to attend the session like 20mins before I was due to attend.

What are you hoping to accomplish by contacting his therapist? Do you really think it would be helpful to him or you or the daughter?

Firstly, I'm not sure why you are annoyed at him for phoning your therapist b/c you're the one who had him do that since you yourself could not tell her how you felt. Also, since you AND him were seeing the same therapist as a couple....technically that therapist was his therapist too.

Secondly, in the situation your described, I do not think it is appropriate for you to call his therapist. If you truly believe you or his daughter is in danger, then you call the police or appropriate child protective services. Calling his therapist in this situation will not lead to anything positive. If/when his therapist tells him that she received a phone call from you, just imagine how he will react. And his daughter will be witness his reaction at home.

If this was a situation where his was suicidal or threatening serious self-harm, or you were concerned b/c he was having serious negative side effects from medications.....I would support a call to his therapist in these situations to ask for help from the therapist. But in the situation you described, a phone to the therapist will only lead to more bad things.

The op's wording initially confused me too, but i think she means by "i had" is, "the situation i had is, my partner called" etc. Not that she asked her partner to call.

Thank you. I meant my partner contacted my therapist without my permission or knowledge.

I agree and think if one feels they must be completely autonomous and separated from their partner up to the level of not worrying about their welfare, then they might consider being single. No point to be in a committed relationship let alone marriage then!

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If i say i want my care to be A, and you as my partner disagree, unless i have given you my power of attorney, my care will be A. Who's to say its not you that is nuts or in denial or whatever? Nobody is saying you cant worry about me, but the decision is mine. Im not gonna have surgery to make YOU feel better.

Regardless of the reasons as to why you feel the need to call, the therapist is not legally allowed to return your call and to discuss your husband with you unless he has the release form signed by your husband allowing the therapist to talk with you. Period. It's the law, it's not a matter of opinion.

If you believe for whatever reason that communicating with your husband's therapist is a good idea, talk to your husband about it and ask him to get it settled with the therapist. It has to be run by your husband. You can't go behind his back. I mean, you can, but this will accomplish nothing. The therapist will not talk to you if they know the laws pertaining to confidentiality, and, I am sure they do.

I think it is okay only if it was consensual so that both spouses knew and were okay with it. But to call your therapist behind your back is kind of betraying. If there's a problem maybe your spouse can come with you to therapy so they can talk to the therapist while you are there, but only if that is okay with you. Your therapist really can't disclose even the fact that you are his/her client to even your spouse.

Maybe if it's agreed upon in advance, but I wouldn't ever agree to that. I have a friend who has contacted her husband's psychiatrist because he wasn't taking his meds, but her husband agrees in advance to allow her to be part of his care. Theres no rule saying you can't call, but because of confidentiality it isn't likely to accomplish anything.

Just had my first session with my new therapist and decided against contacting his therapist.

Without a release, I would be surprised if a *real* therapist would even take a call from the spouse of a client. It would just wreck the feeling of safety for the client for the therapist to even just listen to a client's spouse!

He contacted mine without my consent but I didn't feel violated because I've always been very open about my therapy. Now though I am going to try being more private. I don't think contacting his therapist would be useful or helpful. It'd probably be seen as underhanded even though I would mean well. My therapist explained,not justified, his behavior by saying if he is in fact doing emdr then I should expect a bit more emotion from him for a bit but that in our work we'll set boundaries and examine how or if this relationship is serving me.

Sounds like your therapist is prepared to help you navigate what is going on with your husband. That should be helpful.

All of these responses have been helpful. I didn't realise until PC that therapy was such a private matter because I've always been pretty open about it with my partner like every other part of my life. I see now that no everyone shares my view and it's good to know.

Peoples' relationships are unique. My husband and I have always been very open with each other about our therapy, so giving permission for contact in case of emergency is just normal and routine for us. We don't interfere in each other's therapy; however, occasions have come up where we've needed our therapists and doctors to have that kind of communication about each other. In our minds, our relationship is very much a partnership and what affects one of us affects the entire family, so it is natural we are aware of and involved in medical decisions (and our therapy matters have become medical matters on more than one occasion over the years), particularly in situations that could require more intervention of some sort. That kind of relationship and openness isn't what everyone wants in their own relationship, but it works well for us and for many others.