Is it ever ok to contact your spouse's therapist?

Is it ever ok to contact your spouse's individual therapist?

Has anyone ever experienced this?

My wife contacted mine when I was in a particularly rough spot a few years ago. She had a release, so they actually talked instead of my wife just passing on info...

I guess it depends on why you are contacting the t, and why you don't feel it effective to go to the spouse. It also would make a difference if there was a release signed by spouse to give t permission to talk to you... (our the other way around if spouse contacted your t).

I find it more respectful to talk to suppose about it first, but i guess if it's a safety concern, going straight to t may make more sense. I dunno. Sorry.

I cannot imagine why one would contact the therapist of a spouse. I cannot imagine my partner even knowing the name of the therapist I see. Nor I hers. If she asked me to contact the therapist to deliver a message I would, but that is it.

I can only imagine it being acceptable if something is going on that the therapist should know and the client is unable or unwilling to communicate for some reason (e.g. client has been hospitalized or arrested, or some other emergency situation has arisen). I think it would be inappropriate for a client's spouse to contact a therapist for any non-urgent reason, and unethical for a therapist to answer.

Sure.. Your spouse can do whatever he or she wants. It is up to the T what happens when the spouse contacts them. My BFF contacted my T a couple of months ago when she knew I was it a particularly bad spot. I kind of wish it was my h who had done it, meaning he was tuned in and he saw that I was in a bad place and my suicidal ideation was really bad. However, I think that is the only reason I would be ok with my h contacting my T. Other than that, I don't think my h and my T should be talking about me for any extended amount of time unless I was there.

My husband and I have given our doctors, therapist, pdocs, etc. permission to speak to us in situations that may be emergencies. The only time I've done so were really medication related issues about my husband. I contacted his pdoc when I was noticing serious symptoms that appeared to be med-related that he himself didn't have good insight about. Once, it ended up being a life-threatening lithium toxicity reaction that ended up with him on dialysis for kidney failure and in ICU for 8 days. The other was actually fairly recently when I (and other members of the family) were seeing really severe memory and cognitive problems. I started with our T because he is just easier to get hold of than my husband's pdoc. T agreed it sounded like a side effect of one of his meds and encouraged me to contact his pdoc with my observations (my husband was aware I was doing all of this by the way). His pdoc agreed and lowered the dosage of the offending me, and his symptoms improved as the result.

Last winter when my depression and anxiety were severe and I was experiencing med side effects, hormone fluctuations, it was hard to tell up from down for awhile. I gave my husband the contact information for both my primary care physician and my psychiatrist in case he had concerns about any potential mental health emergency or if I was being irrational. He never had to use it, but I trust him. He's also attended one of my psychiatry appointments in the past.

About 16-17 years ago, I contacted my husband's T. He has ADHD and depression. He kept talking about how everyone and everything was against him and threatening suicide. So I called his T and told him. WORST thing I could've done to my husband. He felt totally betrayed. Ended up having to meet with his T and then repair our marriage. He no longer sees a T anymore and he's been good since.
Husband has "threatened" to call my T, and I've always said "go ahead, I have one coming". We joke about this now.
If you have discussed it with your spouse, and they are in agreement, I think it's ok to contact their T.
Your spouse's T is obligated to your spouse only. Anything you say to them, they will disclose to your spouse.

I think in very rare instances. For me if my spouse contacted my therapist it would be a betrayal and I would feel very threatened. He doesn't even know her name.

No, it's not. First off, you won't get any information from your spouse's therapist because the therapist is not allowed to share anything with you. You won't even get a call back from them, because the therapist is also not allowed to acknowledge the fact that they are seeing your spouse.

That being said, I don't know who in the right mind would appreciate their spouse contacting their therapist. If the spouse takes a huge issue with that, I wouldn't blame them.

That depends on what you have discussed and given permission for ahead of time. And yes, if you have allowed for that kind of communication, and particularly if your spouse knows you are calling and why, information can be communicated, particularly when it is a safety issue. Some spouses actually are quite open with each other about their therapy and have good communication.

I am absolutely certain my husband appreciated my contacting our therapist and his pdoc as it has proven to be life saving more than once. I know the once or twice he has done the same were absolutely necessary and helpful. I'm still here. And we are both in our right minds.

I am not talking about a spouse just calling to get information. It wouldn't be allowed or helpful, but it isn't that black and white. There are emergency situations where that contact may be needed. Each situation is quite different.

Right before I ended up inpatient and was in a very bad state my partner contacted my T (with my knowledge and permission ) just asking guidance on whether he should take me to the hospital. Once I ended up being admitted he again with my knowledge and permission kept her updated on my status in the hospital. I was grateful that he contacted her and she knew these things so that when I got out of the hospital I didn't have to go back and explain everything to her. For me it was a positive communication between them and it didn't feel as if my confidentiality had been breached in any way.

I signed a release saying that my husband can call my T and report to him if I am in a really bad place, or just acting "way off" than my normal. I hide things very well , so if my husband can see I am in a mess, Yes I think he needs to give a heads up to my T. My T doesn't speak about my therapy sessions to him , But my T did like having a heads up the one time my husband did feel that he did need to make that call.

It's a personal choice.

But again I agreed to this. Proper forms were signed.

When I posted my reply, I was talking about the situation where there is no agreement between the spouses and the therapist about contacting and no release form signed. If all that is in place, then it's a different story. It's not about black and white, it's about whether there is an agreement about contacting.

Exactly. If such choice is made, proper forms need to be signed in advance. One can't just call out of a blue without a prior agreement and expect that the therapist will communicate with them.

I don't see what the issue is here really. If you are calling the therapist to get information from them without permission, that will simply not be given and most people know that so I can't imagine people calling to do that. But I can imagine lots of reasons why someone would put in a call--to express a concern, to provide some information that might be important, to give a point of view that may need to be considered....

The therapist is under no obligation to pay any attention to such a call. Some therapists appreciate such calls. Some use it in session to check in with the client before making any evaluation of what it means. There are all kinds of variations that are possible. To just say hands down it is inappropriate sounds odd.

I cannot imagine me ever believing it is appropriate for a spouse to tattle to a therapist. If the spouses involved have discussed the situation and have asked their spouse to contact the therapist in certain situations - then good for them. But without that, it does seem blanketly inappropriate to me. The therapist I see is not someone for my partner to use to express their concern, fears, information, point of view etc. That is for them to do with their own therapist or friends or diary. In my opinion.

Imagine a situation where the person is dying of liver cancer, but is in a state of denial and therefore risking their health (by perhaps not complying with medicine or drinking or whatever). Someone who loves her partner and feels that the therapist as a health care professional might have more weight in getting through to the person might put in a call out of concern. This is not tattling. This is about someone's welfare. To not do so would seem to me to be inhumane and unethical.

I believe someone has the right to choose their medical treatment or not. I do not believe in choosing for others and trying to inflict care upon them if they do not want it.
I do not view the way you describe as caring. To me, interfering in the way you suggest is unethical and inhumane.

This is all theoretical for me -No one knows the names of the ones I see - my partner does not know who they are and I don't know but the first name of the one she sees.

Expressing a concern for someone's welfare is not making a choice for them or forcing them to do anything. It is not inflicting care, which is an odd phrase in itself. To view voicing a concern as interfering seems to suggest that human beings are completely separate from each other, have no responsibilities toward each other, and should just keep a safe distance no matter what. Schopenhauer described human interaction as if between porcupines.

I understand that we fundamentally disagree on this. I do not want care inflicted upon me without my consent and I choose to not put myself in a situation where it can easily be done. I also choose to show others that same respect. The therapist is not involved with my health to begin with and any concern someone might have they can discuss with me. From there they can choose to keep engaging with me or to walk away. It is not theirs to decide to interfere with my choices.

I was in an accident a few years ago where one of the persons on the scene kept identifying herself as a nurse and kept telling me what to do and not do - I ignored her. Paramedics had been called while I was unconscious and the self identified nurse tried to make them take me to the hospital after I had refused. People like that scare the bejeezus out of me. And yes - I would have preferred the paramedics not be called in the first place. Thankfully I came to before they could whisk me off to the medical establishment where I would have had treatment inflicted upon me that I did not wish to have.

It is not that we actually disagree. For instance, I have made the decision as a therapist that I will not follow the ethical rules about suicide in cases of a person's right to die and am willing to take the risks that that decision might entail, including losing my license. In other words, I would not "inflict care" because there are other ethical considerations above the codes that govern me.

But making a phone call is not inflicting care because it is not doing anything but putting words in the air. It seems that you think that words in the air equals forcing something onto someone when it isn't even close. Words are just words. They are not actions that take choice away or produce compliance. I'm not clear about why you think that saying something means that something will automatically be performed as a result.

I just disagree with you.

I'm the OP and I had my spouse call my therapist and tell her that she wasn't doing her job. My therapist choose not to tell me until months later. At the time she was seeing us together and me alone.

Fast forward a few years and that therapy damaged us tremendously and we're on the rocks. He's seeing a therapist who his tween daughter also sees. We're in a terrible place and I feel the therapist isn't aware of my spouses mindset. He is angry with me and making threats. He always makes threats when angry or hurt but doesn't act on them. Still,the therapist is doing emdr with him and I'm sure he needs her help right now. I was annoyed but not angered by him phoning my therapist and would like to talk to his. I don't want any information about him at all. It'd be a one way exchange. My mate hides his tough times and I can guarantee his therapist doesn't know about his threatening and whatnot. Also I'm concerned for his daughter because she's witnessing this.

The disagreement is not over substance but rather a misunderstanding because I think words are only words, and you think that I'm saying words are deeds.