Final questions to ask...

This past week I had a session that was after learning of my therapist's retirement in two months. I tried to explain how much grief I was feeling- as if someone had died and as if it wasn't something I could or wanted to survive. I shared something I wrote (which he read allowed) that I think showed how intensely I was taking just the news of this impending loss. I think I may have scared him with how hopeless I left this week. Whether or not it's right to, I feel like he's throwing me away even though that's clearly not what's happening. He's moving on and I feel shame for not being as happy for him as I should be.

It has been some days now and I do finally feel relief from how sad and lost the thought of no longer having him to turn to brought to mind. I'm still not sure if I want to continue treatment with someone else. I've even considered ending all efforts including my medication because part of me is convinced I'm doomed to fall apart anyway due to so many changes. Sometimes I think my therapist might never have really cared and only put up with me as a patient because I showed up/always paid. I'm confused about how to take all these years I spent in treatment with him, despite the overall progress I've made.

So I want to go into my next session better prepared. Are there any specific questions that might be helpful for me to ask as I near the end? He's already agreed to help me find another provider, but anything else? I feel like in all my confusion and feelings of hurt, I'm missing something important about this relationship. Maybe it's as simple as asking if he thinks I'll really be okay...I wish I didn't feel such doubt.

I am sorry you are feeling so much grief at the impending loss of your therapist. This is the nurturer that you have had for years. It is totally understandable that you would feel grief.

What should you do now is continue what is working. If the meds keep you fairly stable keep on with them. You might talk to the psychiatrist about getting a mild prescription for occasional anxiety or depression due to the change of therapists.

Your therapist sounds wonderful.
1) Ask them to evaluate where you were in therapy when you started, what the goals of therapy were, what goals have been met or exceeded and what goals are still being worked on.

2) Ask if email contact is possible after the T retires. If that is not abused by the patient as a constant crutch it might help bridge the gap.

3) How can you deal with the grief and loss you feel?

4) Have I stabilized enough to live without falling apart over this change?

5) What can I do to make this transition easier?

6) What can I carry with me as a remembrance of the sacred trust that we shared for a number of years?

These are the questions I would ask. Perhaps they will help you form your own questions in your own words.

is the question you want to ask - do you care about me? If so I think this would be helpful to ask it. Does he share his feelings much? Do you want to ask him how he feels about ending his relationship with you?

Thank you so much for the questions you've suggested. They are very helpful and I will include several of these along with others I've come up with. My goal for my next appointment is not to waste my time crying, but in sorting out better how to move forward- regaining some faith that I'll actually be able to.

I think I should take a chance with asking similar questions as these. I know it's best to keep my perspective on this relationship and its limits/boundaries, but I do think it would be helpful to know- assuming he tells me the truth- if he cares what comes next for me. Thank you, Brown Owl, for your input.

Sometimes when people retire, it isn't an all or nothing thing. I don't know why T couldn't continue to see some clients who are still in a deep attachment stage. You know, not take on any new clients, but keep on with a few that need more help. Not all clients will feel so bad about T not being there. But, of course, I don't know your T's retirement situation. I just wish you two could negotiate that because you are hurting very much and is so discouraging for you.

You bring up a great point. I think my reaction caught him very off guard, because lately I have been doing okay up until the news he was leaving me. The sudden changes I'm having to make along with the lack of a safe place to turn to if/when the next steps don't turn out in my favor of finding another good fit is still troubling me. Maybe if he'd told me two or three months back about his April retirement, I wouldn't feel these fears I have right now. Thank you for your suggestions. I will consider discussing it all with him.