[PeeJay]

So I have this foe -- who is not really a foe in any real way but is a person who has pretty much everything I wish that I could have if I were able to play God and to design my life from scratch:

This person has a stable extended family, two still-married well-off professional parents, a wealthy spouse, financial security, the ability to pursue her passions and raise her children without having to earn an income, an expensive home, volunteer positions in the community, etc., etc., etc.

And this person has somewhat judged my choices, in my perception, and I don't think I'm simply being sensitive.

(Deleting a bunch of text designed to demonize this person and prove my point. Just take my word for it -- this person looks down on me. lol.)

So this person (whom I know through kids' school) tells me that she goes to weekly therapy and she loves her therapist and her therapist helped her depression, and now she and the therapist are now peers and the therapist serves as extra support in this person's life, because we need all the support we can get.

And all I can think is: "You have a rich spouse and parents and grandparents and free time to pursue your creative passions and AND you have an amazing therapist too!?"

Cue the jealousy, again. Then I start to panic that her beloved therapist is MY therapist. Because our community is small enough that this is a real possibility.

So I walk into therapy this week and before we can even start, I say to the T, "Is Lady Elaine your client?"

Turns out, the answer is no.

The therapist wanted to talk about it but I didn't want to discuss it.

I'm so embarrassed. I'm also HUGELY relieved.

I know the therapist has other clients but I don't know how I would've handled it if the therapist had hemmed and hawed and said something like, "I can't reveal clients for confidentiality."

Please weigh in with whatever you think. Wouldn't this bother you too?

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

This does make me smile rather, the very person who apparently has all that you desire also needs therapy and instead of thinking 'well, all this and they need they therapy after all', you think 'all this and NOW they want therapy too'.

I don't mean to be intrusive or in any way criticise, but I would genuinely be interested to know how you view therapy - is it something that you need but would rather do without or is it something you need but is also part of your lifestyle?

[unaluna]

Plus you know shes delusional if she thinks shes peers with her t. That or her t is delusional. Either way i think you win

Eta - how is THAT for supportive?!

[Soccer mom]

I totally relate!!! I have a "frienemey" who I just found out goes to my T. I came in highly upset and told my T. every part that bothers me down to being worried she would like this person more. I've worked through it but it's still tough.

It's nice your T. said no. Mine wouldn't have responded either way, I don't think.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I totally relate!!! I have a "frienemey" who I just found out goes to my T. I came in highly upset and told my T. every part that bothers me down to being worried she would like this person more. I've worked through it but it's still tough.

It's nice your T. said no. Mine wouldn't have responded either way, I don't think.

told my T. every part that bothers me down to being worried she would like this person more. I've worked through it but it's still tough - that was brave.

[PeeJay]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

This does make me smile rather, the very person who apparently has all that you desire also needs therapy and instead of thinking 'well, all this and they need they therapy after all', you think 'all this and NOW they want therapy too'.

I don't mean to be intrusive or in any way criticise, but I would genuinely be interested to know how you view therapy - is it something that you need but would rather do without or is it something you need but is also part of your lifestyle?

Oh wow. Well this comment threw me back on my keister.

I never thought of it that way.

I did think of my foe, "Why could she possibly need therapy!?" But, she's depressed and depression doesn't discriminate its victims. So I understand why she goes.

At first, I was resentful of even needing therapy at all. I even told the therapist, "If I could read a book and get answers, I would. But I've tried that and I'm still not fixed. So I guess I'm stuck with trying this. Let's proceed."

And then when it came to healing specific traumas, I'd say things like, "Can we just bang this out? Can we hurry this up?"

I had no patience with myself or the therapist, and I kept her at an arm's length. In fact, when she describes my attitude the entire first year, she sticks her arm out and puts her hand up, as if my body language always said, "Stay back."

It's true, too. I'd take the chair in the room and move it to the farthest-most wall, diagonally from her chair, which is the maximum allowable distance.

But it's been two years now and it's becoming more like part of my lifestyle. The therapist has helped me tremendously. And our weekly conversations keep me sane and are my way of being good to myself, and of preserving my sanity, after a lifetime of beating myself up.

[PeeJay]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I totally relate!!! I have a "frienemey" who I just found out goes to my T. I came in highly upset and told my T. every part that bothers me down to being worried she would like this person more. I've worked through it but it's still tough.

It's nice your T. said no. Mine wouldn't have responded either way, I don't think.

Oh no!!!

I am so sorry. Can you get your frenemy fired as a client?

(Also, how high school are we being right now? LOL!)

But SERIOUSLY, how do you DEAL? I don't know if I could. Just thinking of my foe and my therapist laughing together, sharing inside jokes, all that crap that therapists do to build an alliance, makes me feel ill.

It would feel like being cheated on!

This foe and myself are really different personalities -- she's more upright society laced gloves, and I'm more, eh, redneck irreverent maybe? Which is cool and all but how could any therapist like us both? We're so different!

What makes your frenemy your frenemy?

[Soccer mom]

I literally let it all out with my T. How could she see HER? I don't want them texting, having lunch, laughing, etc. She admitted the frenemy has seen her about the same time but it's really frenemy's daughter. Right when I was leaving, I asked "but you like me more, right?" and she actually nodded, laughed and said yes. She shouldn't have and wouldn't just say it to say it. Believe me, she is very deliberate with her words. That helped a lot. Frenemy and I are very different so, honestly, I think I'm a lot more fun. Frenemy is very serious and always wants to come across knowing everything. T. and I joke around and tease each other. So, I really think it's two different relationships. T. has made me realize frenemy is very insecure, etc.

It was a HORRIBLE melt down when I saw her car there. She is my frenemey because she dropped me after a 2 year good friendship. She tends to do that to others has has dropped another friend after me moving on to more popular people. I now see that we are so different.

And, I have to believe my T. When I unloaded on her, she paused and said "I'm not going to abandon you. Nothing is going to change our relationship. I'm not going to let you push me away and I won't push you away". That helped a lot. I even told her I didn't want to share her with anyone and was mad this person had entered my sacred space (a term from someone on PC). At the end she smiled and said it was a good thing I ran into this person - I said a lot more in that session. I glared back at her. LOL

[PeeJay]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I literally let it all out with my T. How could she see HER? I don't want them texting, having lunch, laughing, etc. She admitted the frenemy has seen her about the same time but it's really frenemy's daughter. Right when I was leaving, I asked "but you like me more, right?" and she actually nodded, laughed and said yes. She shouldn't have and wouldn't just say it to say it. Believe me, she is very deliberate with her words. That helped a lot. Frenemy and I are very different so, honestly, I think I'm a lot more fun. Frenemy is very serious and always wants to come across knowing everything. T. and I joke around and tease each other. So, I really think it's two different relationships. T. has made me realize frenemy is very insecure, etc.

It was a HORRIBLE melt down when I saw her car there. She is my frenemey because she dropped me after a 2 year good friendship. She tends to do that to others has has dropped another friend after me moving on to more popular people. I now see that we are so different.

And, I have to believe my T. When I unloaded on her, she paused and said "I'm not going to abandon you. Nothing is going to change our relationship. I'm not going to let you push me away and I won't push you away". That helped a lot. I even told her I didn't want to share her with anyone and was mad this person had entered my sacred space (a term from someone on PC). At the end she smiled and said it was a good thing I ran into this person - I said a lot more in that session. I glared back at her. LOL

You really are brave! That sounds like a good session. I'm not that open. I will thank my T for helping me, but I don't tell her that I particularly value our time together. I'm sure she knows.

Wow, I love what your T said about pushing away - that's awesome.

My T says to me, each session, "I'm happy to see you," and at the end, "It was great seeing you again."

To which I respond, "Well that's better than the opposite, I suppose."

[Soccer mom]

When I'm angry, I can say anything. However, I can't tell her loving feelings which is the same with other women in any capacity (mom, friend, sister). So, she sometimes likes when I'm mad because I say a lot more.

[JustShakey]

You know, just thinking, there was a time when I had a nice house and the stbx earned enough for me to stay home with the kids and pursue my own (solitary) interests. (He was never happy when I got involved with other people) From the outside we looked happy...
What I'm trying to say is it may look like this person has it all, but, well, a lot of things cause depression, not least among them keeping up appearances.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[JustShakey]

Did it again. Sorry

i dont want to cause you anxiety but even if your t was seeing this lerson she would ethically still have to say no she didnt to protect their privacy.
my t has been at my house and even if my husband asked her if she was seeing me she would have to say no.