[MASIMO]

My ex t has returned this week from his 5 month travel. I have had his blog to read daily. He plans to do one more post to reflect on what it all means to him. I await. At the same time I need to reflect on what his retirement and time away has meant to me. Its been a time of near constant grief over him. So many tears. So many nights of crying out his name. I only cry once in a while now. So im better. I think his being away was ultimately good for me. If I knew he was kicking around town. I might have tried to contact him too often. Even though I have transitioned to a new counselor. My grief is not for loosing him as my therapist. It has been loosing him as someone I love.
Now that he is back I have to be strong and wait for him to contact me. I dont think I can hold out for that to happen. I long to hear his voice.
I don't know what to expect from him. We planned to stay in contact after he returned. Now his daily blog is gone. And that connection to him severed. Will it be days. Weeks. Months. What kind of relationship can we have? I cant be his patient. Cant truly be a friend. I just hope he doesn't make me wait too long and stir up my grief and loneliness.

[precaryous]

Waiting is so difficult. I hope he contacts you soon.

[Gavinandnikki]

I hear your pain. I hope that whatever happens doesn't worsen your pain.

[MASIMO]

I broke down and sent him an email. Basically said what I wrote here, what can I expect? Its was a very heartfelt email I sent him Tuesday. I still haven't heard from him and I'm feeling so many different emotions. It's not like him to not respond, regardless if he is traveling, has company, is sick. He always responds to something as important as this. So I worry something is wrong. I cant believe he would totally shun me with no contact. I know he cares about me. Maybe he is just busy readjusting to life back in the states? Maybe, Maybe, Maybe???? It's really upsetting me. I just want to know what he is thinking even if its to say goodbye.
He is the one that contacted me from India and said it had been too long since we had seen each other and how he looks forward to seeing me when he returned. None of this makes sense. I'm trying to be patient and let this go but I'm getting obsessed with checking my email, waiting for his name to pop up. I'm so sad. How can he do this to me?

[precaryous]

I have been thinking about you.

Waiting is so difficult. I don't know your ex-T, but I feel if he said he would contact you when he got back...and he looks forward to seeing you, then he probably will.

[MASIMO]

Originally Posted by precaryous

I have been thinking about you.

Waiting is so difficult. I don't know your ex-T, but I feel if he said he would contact you when he got back...and he looks forward to seeing you, then he probably will.

Thank you for your words of hope, it makes sense that he will. This is all about my insecurity surrounding him. I just hope he hurries.....