[InRealLife45]

When my therapist gets angry at me or upset or irritated with me- I feel very young, very confused, very afraid.

Before I might get mad back and defend myself, but lately I just break under the weight of it, I feel five years old like everything is my fault and end up falling all over myself apologizing.

[JustShakey]

I think you might be getting somewhere - like Somewhere. I remember going through something similar. It sucked big time, and I was very angry afterwards, but there was a lot of reenactment/re-experiencing there and ultimately a lot of growth. Hang in there IRL!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[IndestructibleGirl]

I hope you are on the verge of a big breakthrough. But do watch that it isn't just terror at the possibility of abandonment telling you to shut up and put up, and shouldering all the responsibility for things being stormy.

[coolibrarian]

I think it's important to tell your T exactly this. Then you'll be able to explore it more, and get through.

[Soccer mom]

I felt the exact same way. I told my T. I felt like a kid sitting on her couch not able to express my emotions. And, when I would stand next to her saying good bye, I really felt so much smaller than her. We figured out I was about 7 years old. That's when I first latched on to teachers and saught other motherly figures. That's also a time where I have few memories of my mom.

My brother who is much older just emailed me last night and told me of his memories of my childhood. He's also a psychologist. He confirmed everything I've felt - I was emotionally abandoned and not physically held or touched much. AND, it's all from age 3-7 years old - exactly the age I felt.

So, think back to when you were 5 (you mentioned that age) and see what memories you have or don't have. ANd, tell her all the feelings/emotions that come up. I had a list of what i wanted to hear from my T. and it all fits perfectly with my brother's memory.

A T shouldn't be getting angry at you.

[ThisWayOut]

it may be a breakthrough, but I'm not sure it's one that she should be guiding you through...

[WrkNPrgress]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

A T shouldn't be getting angry at you.

This. Although I agree that you're realizing your feeling "young" is a good thing because you're accessing something that might have been repressed there but I'm curious as to what you're experience as "angry" from your T.

A T should have a certain level of emotional detachment. They can get caught up sometimes but they should never be angry. Period. Your the client.

I'm pretty sure you are doing nothing that deserves anger.

[ThisWayOut]

totally!

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress

This. Although I agree that you're realizing your feeling "young" is a good thing because you're accessing something that might have been repressed there but I'm curious as to what you're experience as "angry" from your T.

A T should have a certain level of emotional detachment. They can get caught up sometimes but they should never be angry. Period. Your the client.

I'm pretty sure you are doing nothing that deserves anger.

She says she never gets angry but she lies.

This most recent time she got mad at my line of questioning and yelled at me that I was pi$$ing her off, i ask and ask and ask and she answers, am i really going to ****ing ask her again? Why do I keep asking the same god-damn question?"

In session yesterday she acted like it was no big deal, she lost it for a minute, but the emotion was fleeting, it went through her and disappeared. What did I want to talk about today? I felt brushed off. Again. For me it felt like a major rupture. For her it was nothing. She doesn't get it at all.

And no, I didn't deserve her anger for this- but she still feels like I had something to apologize to her for. I did apologize bc it was what she wanted, but I feel conflicted apologizing when I didn't do anything wrong, I was just trying to talk about something concerning me.

[unaluna]

So how would you analyze it if this problem were presented to you? It sounds to me like you are trying to re-enact your childhood. Bugging your t to answer an unanswerable question. What will happen to you if your caretaker gets angry with you? You have to force them to take care of you (something my longterm t once told me i was doing - very hard to hear!) or you will steal what you need to survive (klepto issues). So maybe what you are asking is really, not "can" you get a grad degree, but will you have what you need to get it? But as an adult, you will have to ask for what you need. Your t might not be your only supplier as your parent or whoever was. I still think its more an unanswerable existentialist question. But it doesnt surprise that you feel young. It does surprise me that your t doesnt have better insight into what you are really asking, and that you stay stuck here for so long.

[Gavinandnikki]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

When my therapist gets angry at me or upset or irritated with me- I feel very young, very confused, very afraid.

Before I might get mad back and defend myself, but lately I just break under the weight of it, I feel five years old like everything is my fault and end up falling all over myself apologizing.

Based on what you have told us (and shown us) about your therapy, the whole damn thing is dysfunctional. Eventually, you will have to let go. She and you are not engaged in effective therapy. And haven't in a very long time.

[rainbow8]

I thought you quit that T! You deserve someone more compassionate and supportive.

I also feel that a T should not be getting angry with you.