[Restin]

I was getting scared in my last session, over T being sympathetic with me about my childhood abuse. She had a sad, caring look on her face. I was feeling grateful and close for her, too, for the first time in my life. But instead, i suddenly started in on how she was such a good actor to sound so sincere for her many clients' healing.
She didn't deserve that. I know that therapists need boundaries and that therapy, in some ways, is a simulation. But she shows emotion to help me understand emotions. But I totally squashed her. I wouldn't blame her if she hates me from now on for showing her up like that instead of appreciating her concern. Am I reacting too much? I feel like a narcissistic *****.

I think she'll see it for the defense mechanism it was.

[LonesomeTonight]

I agree with Breadfish. You're probably not used to having people care about you, and it scares you, so you are trying to push her away. I think she'll understand what's going on. You can certainly address it in your next session.

[stopdog]

Therapists should be able to handle such things. I would not worry about it. I don't think such a thing bothers them.

[JaneTennison1]

She will handle it and contain it I bet. Not to worry, it's hard. To feel care when you are not used to it.

[Ididitmyway]

I don't think she will hate you for this. She is a professional and should be able not to take it personally. However, if you believe your comment was hurtful, it's a good idea to apologize. Therapist is a real person, a real human being, despite being a professional, and interactions with therapist are real human interactions. It's a normal human behavior to apologize when we feel we did something hurtful in whatever settings and whatever relationship it occurs. IMO, it makes therapeutic relationship healthier when the normal rules of human interactions are applied in therapy settings.

[tinyrabbit]

You have been hurt in the past and are confused and frightened at the prospect of someone caring and understanding. You don't know how to make sense of that.

I can't imagine anyone, least of all a T, hating you for that. She will understand!

It's really hard to know what's real or not in therapy.

I frequently suspect my T of acting, though I don't tell her that

The truth is, they have to be acting, at least some of the time. I don't believe in unconditional positive regard and non-judgment and often think there's a disconnect between what she thinks and the BS encouragement she gives about nothing. Call me a cynic.

Though in my case, I'm sure she cares. Fairly sure your T cares too.

Don't feel bad, I'm sure you're not the first person to question her authenticity.

[WrkNPrgress]

I have had a moment or two when T 'pulls the sad face' and it seemed a bit forced but I've never thought that it wasn't genuine, if that makes sense.

I'm not really there for that kind of empathy and someone being sad for me doesn't really solve things. I need to feel free to be sad if need be - but I don't actually need anything from T except understanding and if 'pulling a face' is the method, that's fine too.

[musinglizzy]

I'm sure your T understands, and has seen/heard much worse. It's part of their job. There is no way I have what it takes to be a T...just no way. I know I'd want to bring all the lost souls home with me, and quite sure I'd never get any sleep. So, I'm not a T, but I still bring lost souls home with me!

I've gotten upset with my T (pretty much kept it to myself...but I'm quite sure I don't hide it all that well....I'm sure she knows if and when), and whether I've voiced it or not, she has always maintained the same demeanor... she's never even hinted that she was in the slightest bit "put off" by anything I've said. I honestly have a fear, and have since I started, of her, or any T for that matter, wanting to send me packin'. Regardless of what I've admitted to, how I feel or how I act, I'm instead assured that she WON'T do so. I think T's see the worst sides of people....as yours did, and I'll bet in the end it will help you feel more safe and assured. I think that's not an uncommon response.

[musinglizzy]

Anddddd.... talking about that subject really gets me boiling inside too. I think it's pretty normal. I hope by now you're feeling better...maybe you've even talked to your T?

I doubt she'll hate you. If she does, it would be a better reason to leave than having a sad face. It does sound like you've got some extra loaded feelings about it, with the reference to her many clients.

There's a good chance that her face was telling the truth, but you won't know until you work it out with her.

I saw a therapist who made over-exaggerated expressions that I could not even look at. I thought of stopdog and the one she sees and wondered if they went to the same school. I did not see her a second time. It was creepy.

I think you can tell when it's genuine and when it's a reaction to being seen.

Of course we accuse T's. It's part of the testing we do.

i've done the same. it's okay. just a defense mechanism.

[Restin]

Thanks you each for your comments. Yes, therapy is hard and calls for thinking in new ways. I think everything will be okay. Thanks again.

Originally Posted by Clementine K

It's really hard to know what's real or not in therapy.

I frequently suspect my T of acting, though I don't tell her that

The truth is, they have to be acting, at least some of the time. I don't believe in unconditional positive regard and non-judgment and often think there's a disconnect between what she thinks and the BS encouragement she gives about nothing. Call me a cynic.

Though in my case, I'm sure she cares. Fairly sure your T cares too.

Don't feel bad, I'm sure you're not the first person to question her authenticity.

I agree with this. I think they do act a lot, but that doesn't mean they don't care. I mean they have to sit there day after day and listen to people whine and moan and complain and talk about their childhoods and pain and trauma and on and on. They must get bored and jaded and tired and disgusted and overwhelmed. They have to act sometimes. They can't show what they're really feeling. They are human and of course they get frustrated and fed up and angry. I also don't believe in unconditional positive regard. I think they can act that out, but of course they're human and sometimes they have negative feelings toward the client.

[NowhereUSA]

I've lost it on my T. Yelled at him and was rude and condescending.

When I later apologized he said that he thought I had a right to be upset and if yelling at him for an hour made me feel better, then he was happy to sit there and let me yell.

I think your T will understand better than you realize.

[Ad Intra]

I agree with everyone here. Sometimes we become angry and that anger is just a way to protect ourselves. Also when we become angry we often take the source that made us feel in danger (in your case your T).
I hope things turn out well for you